MOB v MOG - is one more important than the other?

My mom is more dominant - not because I have put her there, it's OHs mom who has done that. Eg: Said she'll go along with whatever my mom wants to wear in terms of them wearing a hat/facinator. Said she will have a bag/coat corsarge - whatever mom decides.

I am (despite my post) going to make sure they are treated equally and the same on the day. I've tried to keep them both in the loop as much but OHs mom isn't interested TBH - I thought she may have gotten excited about my FG dresses as she adores her grandaughter who is FG - but she hasn't yet text back (neither has his sister who's daugther is FG!). My mom has also contributed financially and OHs Mom hasn't and I suspect this is why does doesn't feel she can take "ownership" of anything - TBH I don't want cash, but the support would be really appreciated as I am a complete stress head!!

I have actively rejected cash lol OH's parents offered us the money to use one of the better rooms in our venue - it was really lovely and generous of them but it would have meant it just wasn't 'us' anymore

OH just said on the phone 'she says thanks but no thanks!' lol fortunately his parents know I'm not quite that blunt and understood what he meant, could kill him sometimes ?

Haha what are men like!

OHs family have offered to give us cash to help us set up our home post HM instead as his dad believes weddings are a waste commenting "even if I had it going spare, I wouldn't give it you". Again though, we've been saving hard so not as to burden any of our family so I suggested they give it to OHs sisters who are struggling to set up their own homes atm.

Both equal to me.

Both are involved in my planning, MIL2B maybe more so and I have asked her to do a reading for us at the ceremony. Both came with me to the National Wedding Show last year, My Mum visited a venue with us and MIL2B came with me to meet the caterer and has spent hours with me talking through plans etc.

Neither have seen my dress yet but I have asked both if they would like to come and see it when it comes in the shop next month. My Mum would like to, but MIL2B wants a surprise on the day - She sees me as her daughter so is excited in that sense and definitely not on the backburner just because she's only the MOG.

@ BB - I really wish my MIL saw it that way.

I think that because we are getting married 120 miles from where she lives it makes it harder, but in my heart, on the day, they are both as important to me. I'd do whatever it took to have My Mom there and the same for MIL.

My MIL2B had the option of seeing my dress before my mum and she said no, it wasn't right. I for one don't see any problem with it, I don't really have the same mother-daughter thing that people are expected to have.

I told MIL2B that it was up to her, she can see it whenever she like if she decided to, it was even at her house for a few days before we went over to collect it and she swore she didn't look, she wants the surprise on the day. I think she missed the big 'reveal' moment at her daughter's wedding because she'd been to every fitting and seen her in the dress loads before the actual day, it must take the shine off it a bit.

I'm trying to make sure that she's included just as much as my mum and OH has asked her to go along and help him pick his suit - he's not overly bothered and she'll secretly love being in control of her little* boy again

*all 6 foot 4, 21 stone of him!!!

I find this really hard because my Mum has a set MOTB/MOTG role set upin her head. She felt excluded when my brother got married so she wants to ensure that my MIL2B doesn't feel that way, but without knowing too much because obviously there's some things that only she should know (oooh if only she knew!)

So far I think OH's Mum is liking not having the stress of it all and I have been trying to involve her where I can but she wants a lot of things to be a surprise. I asked if she wanted to see a picture of my dress and she politely said "no thank you!!!" My SIL2B will be doing our bouquets, so I think it'd be nice if MIL2B helped her with that.

My Mum obviously has exclusive knowledge of every little detail, even though secretly I've shown my best friend and SIL2B the picture of my dress and SIL2B has seen me in the dress, just to get their approval!

To me, they are both just as important as each other. MIL2B hasn't seen me in the dress 'in real life' but I've shown her photos and she has come dress shopping with me (just me and her). I run major decisions by her too, and refused to book the venue until all 4 parents + bride and groom had seen it and approved.

However, I probably do let some of the little things slide... although both sets of parents are paying 'equally' (they put in equal amounts, then my parents put in more as they are having substantially more guests to the evening), my mother is my mother and since I'm the one doing 99.9% of the organising, I suppose it's my mum who sees it more as I'm her daughter and so I run things by her that I wouldn't bother MIL2B with. Hope that makes sense :s Having written that out, I am going to make a bit more of an effort now... although most things are booked and deposits paid now!

See, I just don't have that kind of relationship with my mum - we don't do lunch, we don't have girly days, never have really. And I'm not actually that bothered! so she doesn't really know that much at all, you lot probably know more about it, it's very free-ing being on here isn't it! don't have to bore work people talking about my wedding, just you lot ?

I'm more than happy to do everything myself to be honest, I picked my dress out on my own, me and OH decided on the venue without any input, I've made my own flowers, doing my shoes etc etc and I like the fact that it's just me and OH .......against the world!! lol

MIL2B will probably see all the stationery etc before my mum because SIL2B is a graphic designer who will handily be going on maternity leave soon so she'll have bags of time on her hands (!) to make my invites LOL

I think mine are both the same but if different ways- I live closer to MIL2B- she is 10 mins away whilst my mum is in Newcastle and I'm in Kent. There were certain things that my mum wanted to do just me and her- pick the dress was the main thing, and I had always thought I would go dress shopping just me and my mum. MIL2B has been more involved with other things- they are paying for the TOG for us and so she was involved in helping to pick him and has also been to the local wedding fairs as my mum isn't down here. My mum gets a detailed commentry about once a week so she dosn't feel like she's missing out- she is also in charge of 'organising' my family as most are up north so will be traveling and booking hotels for the night before etc. (most will be staying at the venue on the wedding noght but she is also organising this- 1 less thing for me to worry about)

MIL2B has got a daughter who isn't married and she said from the start that she didn't want to be involved in every detail as she wanted the excitment for when my SIL2B gets married e.g. going wedding dress shopping which I can understand.

I think it depends on the relationship you have with both sets of parents and shouldn't matter if they are MOG or MOB as long as everyone is clear from the beginning how much they will be involved.

I'd say my Mum is involved more than my MIL2B, not in an intentionally malicious way or even because I don't want her involved, its more a combination of that my Mum only lives 5 minutes away and we're quite close so I find it natural to just ask her opinion etc on things, my OH's Mum lives 45 mins away and we're not so close in that we speak to each other directly (without my OH there)...

My OH tells her plans and I speak to her about it when we go for lunch etc... she helped choose the venue and came to see it, but alot of the things I'm doing now I feel are things that I only want to share with my Mum ... like my dress fitting and choosing shoes ... I don't know my OH Mum enough to feel comfortable with just randomly discussing things. I do feel a bit bad about it as she has a daughter but they aren't close and so she is 'missing out' on those mother daughter things but I'm pretty much 100% sure if I involved her alot my Mum would feel a bit put out and jealous and like she is stealing some of her role, and my priority is to make sure my Mum is ok more than her (sorry if that sounds harsh!)

MIL2B seems perfectly fine with this though I don't want people thinking she's all upset! I did ask if she wanted to see my dress once and she said 'oh no keep it a surprise' so I've just left it from then on!

Ah you see, I put that because that's what SHE thinks! There's some things that I won't tell her as she will see as pointless, or that I want as a surprise; and there's a few things that she wants to keep just between us but I've shared with my best friend as I can't keep secrets from her. We were wedding planning for about 3 months before Mum or PIL2B knew and had our venues booked by then. SIL2B and my best friend knew though ?

As both bride and groom are equally important "on the day" (or at least should be...) I'd say that the mothers should also be equally important - however it's usually the "mother of the bride" who is considered more important, for the same reason that the bride is usually considered more important than the groom.

Basically just antiquated traditions that, despite many years of cries for equality, rarely seems to be considered something that needs tackling.

I would love to have included my MIL2B more in the planning but unfortunately she is, at best, disinterested, and whenever she does show an interest it is only to criticise our choice of location, numbers of guests, price of hotel rooms, etc. She didn't even comment on the invitations when we sent them out a couple of weeks ago.

So we are barely bothering to tell her anything as whenever we try to, she says nothing and then quickly moves the conversation on to how she is going to pay for a new porch for her back door ?

My mums views and opinions mean more to me and she tends to be more honest about what she thinks, where as my MIL2B is very polite and agrees with whatever I show her! My MIL2B lives a few hours away so has not had much input. We took her suit shopping so she felt involved with my OHs prep side. But to be honest, I don't think she wants to be too involved really, and I am happy with that. Guess it depends how close people are to their OHs mum and their own mum...

This made me laugh sorry- how very odd!

Ideally they are both as important as each other, but in our case both are fairly disinterested ?

I am not including my MIL in any preparations. My fiance and her have a very strained relationship and to be honest, neither of us want her at the wedding but that's another story! However, I am involving my OH's grandmother so I guess she is more like my MIL!

If we had a 'normal' relationship, I would have no issue in involving her at all. I wouldn't show her my dress though!!!!!

Snap! In a way it's better because then no one is criticising (for me more likely to be MIL than my MUm) but sometimes it would be nice to be asked 'how are the wedding plans coming along'!

But compared to a few girls on here I'd rather have it this way than having the MIL/Mum from hell!

My mum and my MIL will be equally important to me with planning and wedding.

Luckily they both live near by and whilst they both have completly different styles, to me I feel they are very similar to me

Both our mothers seem fairly equally disinterested. Only real difference so far is MIL2B was really happy when we got engaged - does still say she hates weddings, which makes me feel she's going to hate the day whatever we do. Whereas my mother showed absolutely no emotion when I told her we'd got engaged, and certainly has no interest in being involved in the planning. She does now ask the (very) occasional question as to how planning is going, and surprised me when I went back to visit recently by asking what the dress looked like. Although true to form, when I showed her a picture she didn't express any opinion! In theory I'd say both should be equally important, but I appreciate that may be easier for me to say when our mothers aren't trying to compete with each other.

We've bent over backwards to include OH's mum - at one moment, almost to the point of accidently excluding my mother. She just doesn't seem interested. She lives abroad so all our communication is via telephone and email but even when we went to out to see her last year she wasn't fussed.

She won't be attending (her choice) but to make sure she still feels involved we're sending her an invite, Order of the Day, corsage etc

She fell out with OH's sister last year over the Christening of her grandchild (she felt she had been 'shut out' of the planning) so when we announced we were getting married we pulled out all the stops to ensure she didn't feel the same way. I've sent chatty emails with photos attached of the favours, my dress, OH's suit etc and got back "thanks, but I'm too busy to reply properly at the moment" and then a long email detailing how busy she is.

I would have loved it if my MIL2B had been more interested in our plans, but to be honest she's been kind of pain throughout, my mum has definitely been far more helpful and supportive. MIL2B actually completely stopped speaking to either of us for 5 months. She is helping my mum out this week with the cupcake preparations, but apart from that she hasn't really had any involvement other than one visit to the venue.

I think traditionally, the MOB would be more important, as the POB were the hosts. My mother is following this tradition for my sister's wedding (and is driving us crazy!) as they are paying for everything and the POG are disinterested. Mum will be escorted down the aisle by one of the ushers just before the bride comes in and she has just been to buy herself a new outfit for breakfast the next day as she'll still be hosting!

For my wedding, both sets of parents are contributing equally. MIL2B has 4 boys so is naturally interested in discussing weddings with me and her other son's fiance, who's getting married before us. She was with me when I bought my dress and is aware of all of teh big decisions made, although the finer details haven't been discussed with either mother. Not that I don't want to, it's just that we're getting married abroad, so it's easier for me to just sort things myself.

I just need to say that me and my MIL2B get on like a house on fire and I would really love her input, only problem with that is - she lives 3,500miles away in Canada! I email her whenever we go anywhere, see anything, book anything and send her pictures and we talk on the phone once a week. But its not the same ☹️

My MIL2B split up from FIL2B when my H2B was 10 (now 41), so fortunately we are not that close to her. Although I think she is being invited, but she will not know any of the details.

Well when we first got engaged we took all parents to venue options, MILTB came to wedding fairs etc. But she turned kind of funny - and I think its because my parents are paying the majoity so she didnt feel it was her place to be at any of it? Which was stupid because she was invited.

She has loads of what I call funny notions and since me &OH moved in together and started planning they have became all the more noticable to me. And I cant be bothered tip toeing around people which is what she seems to expect - I treat everyone the same & say what I think but wouldnt call myself rude or anything Im just a traight talker. To be honest we have nothing in common but her son.

The wedding planning has brought me & mum closer together - we argued alot when i lived at home but since moving out I really see how wonderful she is & we get on sooo much better. So were are both loving all our wee days out & wedding talk & plans.

Im the kind of person if I like something I will have it - of course everything is ran by OH and as long as hes on board were good to go. But I havent been going around asking for loads of opinions as I dont need to hear them - im confident in my choices.

So honestly - I think MOB is more important than the MOG - maybe if I was on better terms with my MILTB I would be answering this differently. My MOB is supportive. non critical and enthusiastic - my MILTB possesses none of these qualitites, she has only added pressure, agnst & upset to our wedding.

She even got her outfit the week before me & mum went to get hers. Now this is a women who is retired and has every day of the week to go shopping. Whereas I work 6 days a week & mums day off differs to mine so navigating a day off together was difficult! She done this on badness & to try & annoy my mum - and she succeeded. Mum feels like shes trying to upstage her. And for my mum to be so involved and so helpful & to have my MILTB add this to her long list of general sh*ttiness was really upsetting and a slap in the face.