MOH - am I being a bridezilla?! Help!

I don't think you sound like a bridezilla, you are think of the practicalities regarding your wedding.

as you say this is an amazing opportunity for her so you have to find a way to marry (excuse the pun) the two objectives together.

do you have another bridesmaid that could take over the MOH role and your current MOH be a bridesmaid? That would solve problems for both of you. Or could your other bridesmaids arrange the hen night for January and still keep your MOH as your MOH when she returns?

Certainly I would shop with someone else for your wedding dress and continue with your planning rather than wait for her to return.

maybe she hadn't mentioned the wedding because she still thinks in her mind that December is plenty of time to sort things out.

if any of the above is possible I would contact however you can be it telephone, letter or email even if she may not see it for a while and congratulate her on what she's doing, tell her how pleased you are for her and then say obviously you won't be able to wait to dress shop etc and will have to plot on without her but you're looking forward to her being back.

As for her dress maybe all it will need is a few last minute alterations. If not and you have paid for that one hen maybe your absent MOH would have to step down or purchase a new dress.

How many other bridesmaids do you have?

I think your MOH started off with good intentions of being there when you bought your dress and organising your hen party, but as it has happened real life has caught up with both of you and the situation has changed. I don't think you sound like a bridezilla as anyone's natural first reaction is to worry about how her decision will impact on you, however I think you are right in supporting your friend with this amazing opportunity!

I think your friend is probably thinking that there is more or less 5 months from when she gets back to the date of your wedding and that will be plenty of time to support you with your plans.

In terms on not mentioning anything to your friend, I think you should definitley go and look for a wedding dress. No-one would expect you to wait for your friend in these circumstances, and I hope she wouldn't expect you to either.

Do you have any bridesmaid's who could help to organise your hen party or could you push it back a month or two to give your MOH a chance to organise it if she still wants to?

I'm sure she will understand if you talk to her. I think keep her as MoH and have other bridesmaids (if you have any) organise the hen do. She could always do other things as a surprise for you. Definitely don't wait until January to look for your dress, you will be restricted by then in terms of ordering time! I didn't take any of my bridesmaids dress shopping, it was just me and my sort-of mum. One of my bridesmaids was with me when I went back to try it on and order it, and my MoH will be coming with me for a fitting and to learn how to do it up! x

I too would pick someone else to take over whilst she is away; there is so much planning that needs to be done that you just couldn't wait around for her to return home. I'm sure she'll understand; as the others have said, I think some people just don't realise the time scales or think things can be done about 4 weeks beforehand!

I would say your starting to edge onto the scale of bridezilla - your wedding day is the most important thing to you and your OH as much as people love being part of it it's not theirs so she's probably not mentioning the wedding because she has a fantastic opportunity and is seizing it.

Agree hen do may not be pulled off but you can ask her about it and if she says I don't think it's possible then go for plan B. Regarding your dress take another friend and just say sorry it's not going to be possible to wait until then but I can send you pics.

Just be honest with her regarding her dress there are alterations places etc.

She's your maid of honour.. You should be able to tell her how you feel. When she comes back she'll still have over 3 months to arrange your hen do and help you with your planning so I wouldn't worry. It's hard not to think of your wedding as the most important event of the century but your moh can't turn down an opportunity like that! Xx

I actually think it's a bit off she didn't say she's staying and sorry it messes with your plans and she feels bad as she knows she asked you to wait for dress shopping and she would understand if a. you went dress shopping and b. chose a different maid of honour. if it was me id have said those things. any person in her shoes should at least bring it up. I agree she should stay and you should support it but I also think she should support you and mention the elephant in the room. now she's making you bring it up. I'm certainly not a bridezilla but I think it's discourteous of her not to raise it as a side point to her exciting news.

I actually think it's a bit off she didn't say she's staying and sorry it messes with your plans and she feels bad as she knows she asked you to wait for dress shopping and she would understand if a. you went dress shopping and b. chose a different maid of honour. if it was me id have said those things. any person in her shoes should at least bring it up. I agree she should stay and you should support it but I also think she should support you and mention the elephant in the room. now she's making you bring it up. I'm certainly not a bridezilla but I think it's discourteous of her not to raise it as a side point to her exciting news.

I agree with others that you should have a chat with her. She might not realise the timeline is tight.

This sounds like a logistics issue and she's a bit aloof. However, it's very easy to resolve without a big drama, and certainly without replacing her.