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Beginner November 2022 South West London

moh best friend can’t attend wedding

Sarah, 16 March, 2022 at 08:39 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 1

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Please help me be a grown up about this. So, we’re getting married abroad this year, bridesmaid dresses are bought, hair and makeup booked, shoes and jewellery bought, bridesmaids just haven’t booked the flights yet. I found out the other day my best friends, sisters wedding has been booked the day after mine. She won’t be able to attend mine anymore and make it back in time for her sisters thats obvious. To say I’m devastated is an understatement, I’m finding it so hard to imagine her not being there for such a big part of my life, we always said growing up we’d be each other’s moh and it’s just really hit hard, I feel so sad about it all. I feel a bit selfish even feeling this way, I’m sure she feels worse and family always come first. She hasn’t said she isn’t coming yet, but obviously I can’t and wouldn’t expect her to miss her own sisters wedding for mine.
Just looking for a little advice how to construct a message to basically say, it’s ok and no hard feelings etc. I don’t want her to feel bad and I don’t want to fall out over it either, though I am slightly bitter, as we were engaged and booked months before her sister ahh

Any help appreciated x

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Latest activity by Anonbride, 16 March, 2022 at 10:40

Expert July 2023 Cornwall
Anonbride · 16 March, 2022 at 10:40
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Oh gosh, you have every right to be disappointed! I'm so sorry for you
I don't know what your MOH's relationship is with her sister, but I've been very aware of my brother's best friend's wedding date (my brother is best man) that was booked before mine and consciously avoided setting my date over the same weekend as that. I'd be feeling a bit annoyed at the sister here, as to me it was a no brainer to check if immediate family or wedding party had any major clashes before booking a date... so yeah, I think you can privately let out a bit of frustration at the sister here.
Your MOH however is probably feeling just as gutted herself so I'd be sympathetic to this but know you can absolutely let out your own disappointment to your best friend.
I think I'd say something like:
"Oh no, this is so heart breaking! It's such a shame your sister had to go for the same weekend as me, but I do empathise with how challenging it is to find a date that suits all your most important people and understand that being there for your sister means you can't be there on my day. I'm obviously really gutted that I won't be sharing my day with you though, you mean so much to me! I really hope you'll still be involved in my hen do etc., and maybe we could find a way to video call you on the day while me and the bridesmaids are getting ready or something so that you can still be with us virtually?"
I'd see what she replies with then, but I do think it would be courteous for her to offer to pay you back for the bridesmaids stuff you've already paid for... if she doesn't mention it of her own accord, I'd perhaps give a little nudge, something like "Don't suppose your remember the date we went dress shopping do you? Just trying to work out if I'm still in the refund window for your dress and everything." and then see if she offers off the back of that. If she doesn't, I'd say that's a bit rude, but I wouldn't call her on it and just see what you could sell on or maybe gift her the jewellery or something if she's still very involved in planning your hen and all the wedding lead up.
If you need to, I'd also share your disappointment with your other bridesmaids - let them know you're sad about it and are so grateful that they will still be there for you. Hopefully they'll all step up and, of course, you'll be marrying the love of your life so you'll still have a magical day!
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