moh crisis

Can’t you take someone else to the dress appointment? I would explain to her what you are doing and say you can’t rearrange it and as she double booked herself you will go without her and maybe ask another close friend or family.
For the hen do maybe try and ask her what date suits and arrange that with close discussion so she feels included.
It is hard to get everyone as excited about the wedding as you yourself are as people have their own priorities and busy lives.

View quoted message Not really everyone is in Scotland or busy, I booked that day around her because she double booked herself on the day I had planned and already discussed with her. I do get that she's busy am actually really proud of her for doing what she does but unless if I'm booking in for my nails she doesn't text me back.

It sounds as if she is too busy to give any time to the wedding other than just turning up on the day. I think that you either need to find someone else to help with things beforehand or just accept that you will have to do them on your own.
I only went to look at dresses once with someone else, and it was a last-minute thing because she just happened to be free. To be honest, I think it would have been easier to know my own mind if I'd gone on my own, and I did all my other dress shopping entirely on my own. It's not unusual, especially for older brides who usually have the confidence and experience to know what styles work for them.

View quoted message That's what I thought but I didn't want to drop her and then everyone say there was no need, my sister has stepped in to plan my hen night so I'm not completely alone in it, but I probably will end up doing most of it alone I think.

View quoted message

It's honestly not that bad - and you tend to get things done faster when you don't have other people giving opinions!

View quoted message Thank you you have been really helpful, I'll keep that in mind.

I think if you wanted the whole 'say yes to the dress' experience I can see why you'd feel dissapointed. I went to a bridal boutique alone as I didn't want all the faffing around and I just wanted to see what's available. I will be joijg back with my mum as her is kinda the only opinion I want. I did see plenty of brides there alone.

To give you some reassurance, you are not alone. I am also having major issues with my bridesmaids (just having my younger 22-year-old friend as my MOH and my younger sister as a bridesmaid). When i asked them to make time over a specific weekend to try on dresses (this is for them, not even for me!) so that I can ensure i meet the returns deadline for the website they were completely inflexible about it- my MOH said she had plans the Saturday evening so i asked if she could do Saturday morning/Sunday and she said no without giving a reason why those other times wouldnt work being completely inflexible & unhelpful. My sister had a similar response. Bearing in mind i'm paying for their dresses too!


As for going shopping for your dress alone, I think thats fine to do. I went to 3 dress shops, one of those times I did go alone and whilst it was fine, because it was such a big decision I kind of wanted at least one other opinion other than my own, so the final time I went I invited my mum, my MIL & the bridesmaids. I would say it is a lot more fun going with other people but if you cant get a response from your MOH, have a think to see if anyone else (like a mother or MIL) would want to go with you. If you do decide to go with others, make sure you look at yourself in the mirror & see what feeling you get before turning round to face everyone so you can make your own decision.
My MOH ruined the planning of my hen. I met up with her once over bottomless brunch to give her a hen invitation list (and their contact numbers to set up a Whatsapp group) and gave her some initial ideas but left the actual planning to her. Big mistake.
She made it really unaffordable for everyone. Because shes young and lives at home without paying rent/bills, all of her income is disposable and didnt understand why the others couldnt afford it. She was really rigid and inflexible when she'd formed her initial idea (I think she's slightly on the autistic spectrum) and loads of people dropped out. When people were complaining about costs she put the blame on me saying it was expensive because of all the things I wanted to do. Apparently there was a big falling out in the group over it. She hasnt even looked at transport yet which is going to add to the costs everyone has to pay and I'm now having to pay for my own share of the hen do (which I hadnt factored into my wedding budget).
So I would suggest planning the hen yourself if you're worried. I'm really sorry, you shouldnt have to as you're so busy planning a wedding. Just know I'm sending you lots of love and I wish we could both have better MOHs!
I think the sad fact is bridesmaids are very lazy, especially the young ones who, whilst they're excited to accept the free dresses, hair & makeup, flowers, gown and thank you gift they dont think they have to do anything to earn it probably because they havent been married before and dont realise the responsibilities of a bridesmaid.
If I was to do things again, as well as providing my MOH with the guest list & contact numbers for the hen Whatsapp group, I'd do some more research and plan some hen activities/accommodation on GoHen (which lets your guests pay in instalments) and then calculate the price per person (including my share of the hen) to make sure its affordable for everyone whilst having my share covered. Then I'd probably even draft the initial message that she would send to the others saying what's been planned for the hen to make it seem like she's the one who's planned it.
Then all she would have had to do is just set up the Whatsapp group with the numbers i gave her, send the message i'd drafted, confirm the dates are ok with people, confirm numbers and collect the money from people.
Obviously if you want the hen activities to be a surprise this wont work but I dont really care that much about surprises so wish i'd done this! I would've gotten most of the hard work out of the way and you can still give other people the impression that someone else planned it for you because the initial message would be coming from your MOH.
I hope my advice helps - sorry its been so long and that this post has been reassuring. Sending you all my love again !

Did you go on your own to the dress shop in the end?

Hi
I'm having my neices too. They didn't come shopping with me . They are a little your than your neice. 18 and 16. I went with my mam and one of my sister's. At the first fitting on of my neices had to work so only one came and I'll be inviting them to my next fitting again next week. Can a friend or other family member go with you ?

View quoted message No my cousin came with me

View quoted message My cousin ended up coming in the end

View quoted message Oh that's great hope you both had a lovely day

View quoted message It was great I don't know why I was so nervous she brought her twin babies with her and they where giving there opinions too 🤣🤣 it was good

View quoted message Oh that sound lovely 🥰