Money envelopes

Just to add I would not put an envelope in though most people would just write a card x

I have no idea =/

Even though my original post was not actually about people's opinions on asking for cash, I'll just add my two penneth worth....

Not specifying what we'd *searches for word that doesn't make me sound presumptious, rude or greedy* appreciate as a present from our guests, means we could end up with 5 toasters and 30 sets of pans. What does someone do with a load of things they don't need?

Also, with regards to vouchers, it's a personal thing but what the 'eck is the point in those? I don't understand why those were EVER invented. "Here's some money for you, but haha you have to spend it in this specific shop." .. and what happens if the shop goes into liquidation before you spend the vouchers?... it's money down the drain.

We need some "big" items - a sofa, a washing machine, a freezer. Although we have not lived together before marriage, my flat is 'mostly furnished' with suitable stuff for just me, but not necessarily of an acceptable standard or big enough size for two people.

One person buying a £200 gift such as the above is highly unlikely. However 8 people giving us a £25 Argos voucher, for example, gives us £200 and the opportunity to buy something we want/need, instead of ending up with 5 toasters.

95% of our guests gave money or vouchers, as we'd requested. Mostly Argos (which we asked for), a couple of M&S vouchers and one Tesco voucher. We had a few actual gifts from people, none approached us to ask what we would like, and none were duplicated. Whether we would have chosen any of the gift items we received if we'd have been asked is, of course, open to discussion.

Smile sweetly and thank the giver?

I dont and didnt.

Hi OP

I have no idea about tiny money envelopes - never heard of them before. I imagine you could easily get some small envelopes printed from a stationery purveyor though.

AJ, you missed my point.

H2B and I have lived together for a while and we're lucky enough to not need anything. Our house is new, newly decorated etc etc. So if we were to receive vouchers for somewhere, Argos, B&Q whereever, we wouldn't need to use those vouchers for a long time. Not only do they have an expiry date on them, but the company could go bust (it's unlikely, but look at Woolworths). It would be a shame for all that money to go to waste, when we could have just had cash for our honeymoon.

If we don't specify this to our guests, whilst we would appreciate anything we do get, we could end up getting things we don't need.

A friend of mine got married recently and she had asked for vouchers for her wedding because her and H2B would be moving into their own place next year. I gave her cash and when I explained the reason for it (companies going bust etc) she thanked me because she hadn't thought of it.

Yes, it's unlikely. But it's not impossible.

In my circle of family & friends gift list are very much appreciated because:

A) it means people know they are getting something you like / need /want

B) It saves them looking for a present & trying to guess what you like / need / want

Also to add, the most expensive item on ours was a steller saucepan set @ £125.00 and the cheapest was about a £5 (baking items). We had a range to suit all budgets.

We also received money & gifts from peoples own choosing - we got some beautiful crystal candles that are pride of place on our dining table.

We got:

Money

John Lewis vouchers

Some fabulous red wine

Beautiful Vera Wang candlesticks

Champagne saucers

Lord's Tour

Picnic hamper stuffed full of pimms and two tickets to the one dayer against Sri Lanka

Lots of very classic items from John Lewis (all to our taste) but the vast majority came with gift receipts

A fabulous throw made of possum wool (NZ guests)

Some artwork

Proposed and seconded for the MCC

Return flights to NZ.

And lots of other very lovely, generous and well chosen gifts. None of which were toasters. We were spoilt rotten and it was completely unexpected.

You kept this quiet - Mr S will be very, very jealous!

Back to the OP, agree with the majority of other posters & I simply wouldn't do it.

For me, its because I don't know how its being spent and hate the idea of a lot of money frittered away on nothing. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned in this respect but to me wedding gifts were given to the couple so they can setup a new home.

and if I knew the money was being spent on something that continues the couples relationship such as decorating and outfiting a room and buying all the other stuff needed for a planned baby, I'd very happyily give money. In the same manner if I knew the couple were using it for a desposit for a house, or to furnish their first home together having been renting for so long, I'd again be very happy.

But the idea of it being spent on drink, or pointless items like a new iphone just isn't in the spirit of why I want to celebrate the marriage of a couple.

Its like if the couple desperately needs a car and buys one that feels nice that you are helping someone, but if they 'upgrade' a perfectly good car to some flashy blingy BMW, then I don't see the point?

Sorry, I know its none of my business what people spend their money on, but if a family member / friend really needs something I'll give them my last penny. But I don't feel like giving anyone anything if I feel they are just going to waste it.

Do you realise how ungrateful that sentence sounds?

No point in discussing it until we get full membership in 18-25 years time!

Boy is pushing for some of our wedding money to be spent on a new TV (some of you will know how little we need a new TV). I have given him a flat-out "No way" for this reason. Obviously, my suggestion that we sink it into some heirloom art was also panned, on the basis that I will have, essentially, diverted wedding cash entirely for my own pleasure.

I do not think it is acceptable to ask for anything and find it extremely poor taste seeing gift list information, poems, in fact anything mentioning presents in an invitation. A wedding invitation is just that, you are asking people who mean something to you to share your day. Why is there any expectation you should receive a gift at all? nevermind the fact that it can be expensive for people just to attend the wedding in the first place.

If people really want to get you something, they will probably ask or just give money and even if they don't I would be grateful for whatever they chose to buy us.

Perhaps you might trust your wedding guests to know this?

It does sound ungrateful. You are basically saying that any gifts your guests are kind enough to get you will just be classed as "stuff" that you dont need.

it is not 'stuff' it is a gift from someone for which you should be grateful?

To the OP I wouldnt bother with money envelopes its just another thing to worry about and I dont think it is necessary. If I received one I would think it was slightly rude.

For the record I dont like money poems I think its cowardly.

As for not asking for anything then your making a rod for your own back, you could end up with some things that you'll never use, dont like etc. So I do believe you need to indicate or at least point people in the right direction as to what you would like wether it be a simple sentence, or a gift list.

We didnt. We made no mention at all of presents.

We genuinely didn't get anything that we thought was remotely naff, just-not-us, or that we didn't appreciate.

Its just my opinion. We didnt want to be bombarded with phone calls about what we wanted, or our parents being asked what we would like so it was easier to just tell people in our invites our preferred choice.

Cricks thats great, this is only how I feel doesnt mean to say Im right.

We went to a Greek/Cypriot wedding on Sunday...

The amount of money there was obscene !

The couple made £18000 from that night alone !

The band was paid for by people donating money whilst dancing, the band cost £2500 for the evening....

I dont see any problem with asking for money, the last half a dozen weddings we have been too have all asked for money, and we have obliged. Didnt give it a second thought.

General rule of thumb we go along with is

£100 each if we are guests all day

£50 each if we are guests for just the evening

Why should anybody have to justify their choice of requesting money as a gift for their wedding to their own friends and family?

Same as Tricks.

And since when did not writing a list of gifts you'd like become "making a rod for your own back"? Like someone will live to regret not giving a gift list out? It's not a weighty burden to receive stuff that wouldn't have been at the top of your list - it's a pleasure to be considered giftowrthy in the first place (the thought is definitely what counts!). People function perfectly well in lots of other gift-buying circumstances without a directed list and guided only by their knowledge of what the receiver might like. Have I received Christmas gifts I don't like? Of course. Would I ever do anything than gush over said gift and promise to use/wear/try it as soon as I get the chance? No.

They don't. It's used as justification here a lot. If people really need spurious validation to back up an uncomfortable choice, maybe they need to think about why it's uncomfortable for them.

It was a turn of phrase footlong dont take it out of context.

Christmas and weddings completely different so its a bit unfair to compare the situations.

You suggest it rather wearisome and bringing trouble on yourself if you don't produce a gift list. Is that not what you meant?

Simply to highlight another time at which you receive gifts.

Who said that it was an uncomfortable choice? Just because some people think that its bad taste, does not mean that those who don't feel it is, are uncomfortable with it.

At the end of the day, we are all entitled to our opinions, I just find it odd that sometime people are made to feel like their opinions are wrong because they don't follow the masses.