Mother in law & guest list

Congrats on your engagement ?. Xx

Eek, tough situation, though if she is doing this now for your engagement party then she will probably be the same at the wedding ha, could you possibly say that if she is insisting you include these relatives neither of you want to invite she can pay for them? I think that is definitely fair to ask that as if you invite them to your engagement party you will probs have to invite them to the wedding or at least that’s how it usually works. Ultimately (I know families are complicated and political sometimes) but you should definitely invite who you two want.

Try not to let it ruin this time for you though, because it is so easy to do that when planning and it should be a happy time for you and your fiancé :-)

I would see if she is willing to contribute or alternatively say just close friends and family to the engagement party as you want it to be more intimate . At the end of the day it is up to you guys and nobody else :-)

hope that helps and good Luck with everything xxxxx

Personally, I wouldn’t have an engagement party and I don’t really see the point of them. Put the money you’d spend on it towards your wedding. Weddings are expensive enough for the couple getting married but also for guests and it’s not fair to have an engagement party where people will feel like they have to buy you an engagement present then they’ll also buy you a wedding present.

All You can do is kindly try to explain the situation to MIL in detail, talking through her about the costs and capacities in extortionate detail (is $? Per head etc etc). You could also explain that you want to keep each side's guests even to prevent favouritism (in hopes that she will reduce her list). You could offer to invite a plan B list if you get loads of RSVP declines. Try to get your H2B to join the discussion and to support what you are saying and put a positive spin on it (we want to celebrate with our favourite people). These are just examples, you know her better than I.

Please bear in mind that in etiquette, whoever you invite to the party (regardless of whether they come or not) should be invited to the wedding itself so I would be careful who you invite.

If you cannot reach an agreement, maybe it's best to not have one or to hold an intimate party like a fancy meal with parents and siblings and then have a night out with friends etc.