mother of bride issues

That's such a difficult situation. Do you have a family member who can be trusted to monitor her drinking on the day? It IS your special day and you don't want to feel tense that your Mother might make things uncomfortable.

It seems totally unfair that you were in a no win situation over the dress shopping. To keep the peace I would ask her to come and see it with you another time, or come along to the fitting and make it clear that she is the only one you want there on that day.

How does she behave when drunk? Is she an angry drunk or does she mainly get a bit rowdy?

I have my brother who said that he won't let her have too much to drink but he can get quite stern with her which usually results in an argument between them, I also have my uncle who's quite diplomatic when it comes to this sort of stuff but he also doesn't like confrontations.

I have spoken to her about having her come to a fitting with me but she keeps saying that she can't travel the distance because of her anxieties but then she complains when she isn't involved.

Im the oldest out of the six of us but when it comes to the others she doesn't seem to moan about them or give them a hard time but with me anything she can moan about she will do.

When she drinks she can get quite nasty towards people and has been known to become physical sometimes. The problem is my stepmum is going to be there and she doesn't like her and when she drinks she becomes nasty towards her. My stepmum has said that if my mum causes any problems she will leave so it doesn't ruin my day but my stepmum has done a lot for me and if she isn't there it won't seem right. She also doesn't like the fact that i am having my step brother and sister as page boy and flower girl and she has made her point about it.

You are obviously in a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation with your mum so I think all you can do is say I would love you to come but I understand if you can't. Then it's her choice.

As regards her drinking there is a lot of help available for people who drink too much but you can't force people to accept it. She is an adult and as such has to accept responsibility for her own actions. If she drinks too much at your wedding and starts to cause problems then your mother should leave.

Do you have a relative who can take her home or does she have a close friend you can invite and confide in who can leave with her?

What Jayne said - she is a grown woman and it is her responsibility to act like an adult. There is not much more you can do. I would focus on enjoying your day. If she starts a row at the wedding, at least you have plenty of siblings and family members to step in - everybody knows it is not the bride or grooms responsibility to play mediator. Most weddings involve a little scuffle so it might as well be your Mum! Just keep dancing. She might just surprise you!

There is a lot of pressure on the eldest child. My older sister and my Mum clashed massively when she got married so I was worried when it became my turn, but my Mum has been great so far... so I think I have my sister to thank for training her up!

It seems as though she is still very sensitive over the breakdown of her marriage to your Dad and unfortunately the nicest people often gets the brunt. You have done everything you can to accommodate her, so you can proceed with a totally clear conscience now. She is probably insecure that you have become close to your new family but she needs to realise that is a totally different relationship.

Yeah thanks guys. You're right. I'll give her the option again as to whether she wants to come with me.

i'll also see if her new husband won't mind keeping her in line. She's been told before about her drinking and that she needs to calm it down but she hasn't so as you said it's her choice.

and as for everything else it's my day. She can't moan at me if its not what she wants can she I mean she's had 3 marriages now.