Mother of the Bride hates chosen wedding venue - AITA? What should I do?

Can you afford your venue of choice if you don't get a contribution from her?

If people are giving money to help with the cost of the wedding, then it should be just that - a gift. But so often, the donor seems to think it gives him or her the right to dictate how the wedding is run. I suspect if you give in on this, and choose a venue your mother likes, she is likely to make other demands further down the line. So unless you want her dictating every aspect of your wedding, I'd be financially independent, if I were you.

My fiance & I are paying for everything ourselves - it has made our lives so much easier We still get family trying to push us into having things we don't want but because we are footing the bill, they can't push too much!

@RomanticGreenStationery27135

Yes we can afford it without her input, I just know that her and my dad would've liked to help out in any way they can but their money is not essential.

I've tried to put it that way nicely but shes got a bit of tunnel vision and as of yesterday she is now refusing to talk to me at all. I'm really stuck as I would never have expected her to be this petty about it all.

I think that's the way we are going now, I'm just concerned that shes going to stop me from having my dress! (its being stored at her home and was paid for by her before all this blew up)

She just keeps saying that the groom shouldn't have anything to do with it and that the Bride makes all the decisions - I keep explaining that's not how I or my Fiance work and that marriage is a partnership so we should decide these things together - its his day too! but she doesn't see it that way and has now completely slagged off my Fiance and mother in law to be off and told me she thinks they're controlling me (which is deffo not the case)

This truly is causing an obscene amount of unnecessary stress!

Sounds like she is blackmailing you to get what she wants on your wedding day. I tell all of our couples with any dilemma the same thing. It's your day, do what you want. If people act like children then treat them as such and order them the chicken nuggets meal.

It's your day and if you both like your venue then you need not consider others wishes.

This is a really tricky one for you...but I would say you've tried to respect her wishes by looking at loads of other venues. And if this one still is the one you love then I think you have to go for it! Hopefully your mum will come round and things will improve. your wedding is something u will remember for the rest of your life...whilst u don't want any upset overshadowing it I think the worst thing would be to look back and always regret that u didn't have the venue of your dreams!

@Mintyslippers

I have felt like this is the case, but am absolutely petrified to say this to her. The last thing I want is to look back at pictures and say "I wish we had just booked the venue we liked".

@PawtahH

I feel that I've been as respectful as possible with it all (another thing she is claiming is that I have no respect for her...) and I have said that I hope she comes round and actually has an amazing day! All I keep thinking is "I've got another 2 years of this!" (getting married in 2022)

All the drama is not helping, I've recently been off from work for anxiety and stress (she is aware of this) and I feel that my mental health is not being taken into account with the way she has been carrying on.

I'm sorry to hear that this is making you stressed and unhappy, the planning is supposed to be fun and exciting.

You mentioned that you are your mother's oldest daughter, does that mean you have siblings that might be able to talk to your mother and try and reason with her or anyone else in the family, aunts, grandparents? It might just take a short sharp shock from someone she is close to for her to see she is over-reacting.

Also re the dress, is there anywhere else it could be stored with a friend or with the mother of the groom to help remove that worry from you?

Like others have said it is your day and you should be able to do as you and your partner wish. I'm getting married for the 2nd time in September, 1st time round I was only 22 and now I am making all the decisions just me and my fiance having the day we want and if others dont like it that's their choice. I hope that she comes round for you x

Oh my, she really has gone overboard on this! Poor you - the last thing you need on top of everything else.

You are totally right not to give in on this - marriage is a partnership, and I think it's great that you & your fiance are making decisions together. It always bugs me when people talk about the wedding being 'the bride's day' - it's both your days.

It sounds as if she is struggling to cope with the idea of her 'little girl' getting married. Which is understandable, but something she needs to deal with. Instead of behaving like a spoiled brat.

Sadly, I think all you can do in this situation is to keep being polite but firm and if she doesn't accept your decision, refuse to have any further discussion. Hopefully, she will come round - but even if she doesn't, you can't allow threats of temper tantrums to influence your life with your fiance. And being rude about/to him is totally unacceptable.

That sounds like a horrible situation for you.

It really does come down to what will make both of you happy on your special day. It's understandable that you want your family, especially your mum, to be as excited as you. It sounds like you've made your feelings clear to her and it's a shame she doesn't seem to be taking that into account.

You definitely shouldn't have to change venue or anything else to please anyone else. If you take her and anyone elses opinion out of it, it sounds like you've found your perfect venue and that's what matters.

I'd suggest that if your mum isn't being supportive I would keep her out of the wedding planning. It might sound harsh but it doesn't sound like you're getting the support you'd like from her. If she changes her attitude and behaviour then you can consider if you want her to be more involved.

Me and fiance are choosing to keep quite a lot of details of the day to ourselves for two reasons, we want some surprises for our guests and we don't want to be influenced by others.

I hope your mum will think about how she's behaving and realise that your wedding is about what you and your fiance want, not what she wants.