Mother of the groom issues

Lol no I think it's odd too. I don't see what you can do about it tho. Have other siblings married? Is she always secretive and wants everything to be a surprise.

My mum got changed in the evening for our wedding. Does your mum have any contact with her so she can ask her about her dress so they don't end up matching? If not just let her and the rest of your lot know the details you do know, that's all you can do! Don't let her slight oddity get to you, try and let it wash over you, you've got other things to think about :-)

It's unusual but i don't see why it should massively be a bother to you.

my parents went to a wedding this past friday at which almost 1/3 of the wedding party/guests had changed for the evening, including the FOG and sister bridesmaid- some people just can't handle being dressy-dressy for too long.

and if she's in the same outfit.......so what? i don't see a huge problem- it happens.

as i say it's def coming across as a bit odd, but i don't think it's a hugely contentious issue......

don't push it. and remember to compliment her outfit on the day too- if it weren't for her, you wouldn't have a hubby come the day

you'll both look stunning but sadly for her, all eyes will be on you for most of the day.....

I wouldn't worry about it - my future MIL is keeping her dress a secret its not really that big of a deal really she prob just wants to surprise you

wit regards to changing one of my Bridesmaids (my sister) is getting changed for the evening do , I think alot of people like to change so they have something more comfortable to dance in

I would let her get on with it and spend your time on something else. It's not worth worrying about.

My mum insisted on keeping her outfit secret for my wedding. She also had an evening outfit which she changed into. Yes, it was a bit weird and can't really understand why she did it, but did it effect my enjoyment of the day - no!

At least if she turns up in the same dress as someone else and that's a problem, she's got the evening outfit as a back up to change into!

I think it's a bit odd but I also think you're overthinking it. She's the mother of the groom, the only people she can't be seen to clash with are the bride and the mother of the bride. If you're worried about others buying the same dress, ask them to avoid purple Phase Eight dresses. But frankly if someone else shows up in the same frock and she's put out, it will be her own fault.

my Mum is wearing teal in the daytime and navy in the evening, so I told his Mum that and asked her to avoid those colours. So she sends me a navy dress with teal flowers on that she's thinking of buying! Then when I rejected that she said she was going with dark purple, which my BMs are wearing. Sometimes you can't win!

If like me you're impatient and.can't wait for surprises go online or to phase eight and see what dresses they do in purple! Course if you think you figure out which one it is and hate it you can't say anything.

If you know that it's purple and from Phase 8 you could probably narrow it down quite well online. I'd be a bit irritated by her behaviour, but it's not like anyone is going to be that desperate to see her outfit on the day! As long as it's not actually long and white with a veil I think you'll be ok.

I haven't seen my OH's Mum's dress and it never occurred to me to ask. My only concern would be that it looked nice (and Phase Eight is a nice shop with lovely dresses), and nobody else wore the same dress. I have seen my Mum's and that is only because she showed me, not because I asked. I think you OH Mum has given you enough information to share with other people to avoid a duplication.

The Mums changing into a different outfit for the evening is a new one, I haven't come across that one before. Like it's been mentioned, it's a back-up dress just in case someone else is wearing the same dress. Who knows, your OH Mum might really want to let loose on the dance floor and show the young ones how it is done so she needs a dress that won't restrict her movement ?

My Mum is choosing to have an evening dress because her daytime dress is quite fitted and structured, and she wanted something floaty and less constricted for once the formalities are over, so she's got a No1 at Jenny Packham maxi dress, which is gorgeous. I don't think it's that unusual, my Grandma changed for my parents' evening reception back in 1983 (or so I'm told ) - the story of the dog eating her hat gets trotted out quite often!

Thanks everyone.

seems this has split people 50/50! Theres been lots of other snide remarks made by my OH's Mum and we've given in to a few demands already but it just feels like she is trying to out-do everyone, even me and her son!

she wants to see the bridesmaids dresses/flower girl dresses (the FG's are her granddaughters) but I would prefer her not to as to me they should be a suprise, not her dress!

His parents also didnt want to buy a suit (or hire one) for his Dad to wear on the day and has said he wants to wear the same as the groomsmen and my dad which im not sure im on board with.

Just feel really down with it all and feel like each day the wedding is becoming less and less about the bride & groom ?

I've been married before, and tbh, it didn't even occur to me to ask what my FMIL would be wearing. I really think you're overthinking it. Unless she shows up in a wedding dress, there's no way she will be detracting attention from you on the day.

Ref your FFIL's outfit, when I had my first wedding, we got my FFIL the same suit as my Dad, the best man and the ushers. As I see it, the two families are becoming one, so it makes sense to have both Dads dressed the same, rather than differentiating between your Dad and your OH's just because your FFIL had a son instead of a daughter.

Why should the FG dresses be a surprise? :/

i always thought it was the wedding dress and that was it?

it is coming across that you're trying to marginalise them- sorry. FOG and MOG should be equally as important as FOB and MOB. so it may be that she's digging her heels in because she's feeling how differently they're bring treated.

it's my personal pet peve- i'm very much one for equality when it comes to parents at wedding. MOG and MOB and FOB and FOG are all EQUALLY important.

i'm sorry- i really don't want to come across as hyper critical but it really is coming across that they're being given a lesser position......

If I'm being honest I think you're being a bit too sensitive and making a bit of a mountain out of a mole hill. Would it be nice to see her dress ? yes! Is it essential? No?

Also I would also have FOG dressed the same as the ushers etc as he is still part of the Wedding party.

I agree with miss winter that grooms parents are just as important & should be treated as such.

I wonder if they feel pushed out & maybe MOG wants to keep it a secret because she's worried that if it is the same dress or similar to MOB et al that you will insist she changes it.

Are you keeping the flower girl dresses secret from everyone? I don't think it's that unusual for her to want to see them.

Both of our Dads are wearing the same suit, along with the ushers, best man and OH. As someone has said a couple of,posts up, it's about two families joining together, and I think you need to embrace that.

This was something I couldn't have given two hoots about in the run up to my wedding. I could not have cared what my mom or his mom were wearing as long as they covered their bits and rocked up to the ceremony.

What did cause issues was that my mom was trying to lose weight, yet my MIL wanted to know what my mom was wearing 6+ months out. She whinged at EVERYBODY that she wanted to know what my mom was wearing, and eventually I had to tell her to back off because I didn't want my mom to make a rash choice especially as she still wanted to lose weight. My mom eventually told her to pick out whatever she wanted and she'd fit around that.

I wouldn't care if his dad wanted to wear the same suits as the groomsmen. (My dad wasn't invited.) He'd just have to bear the cost.

Also, I find it a bit bizarre that you won't share the flower girl dresses. It sounds like your MIL is excited for the wedding by asking for details, but might be a bit overbearing in how she's going about it.

I think it's a case of picking your battles. You have to let go of the small stuff and stop letting it get to you or you will drive yourself mad.

Let her sort her own outfit out and don't worry about it. Lots of people get changed in the evenings, it won't make any difference to you on the day.

I have ordered the same suit for my FFIL as OH wanted him to feel involved so I kind of see their point with that one. I think it's a bit of a myth that weddings are all about the bride and groom. In theory it should be but in reality its not always like that and sometimes you have to just let stuff go

x

I haven't ever asked my OH's mum what she is wearing, she brings it up every time we see her. I never even thought to ask, it's only come to light because she keeps mentioning it.

we've even asked to have a day off wedding talk and even then that doesn't happen. I get she's excited I really do but she wasn't like this when my brother in law got married so that's why Im more down about it.

we are trying to involve her in ideas etc but it's difficult as she is very critical.

My OH's dad in his suit I'm not so worried about but in answer to one of the comments above, it's not been mentioned that they will be bearing the cost but in fairness it hasn't been officially discussed.

I am sure I am overthinking it and being too sensitive but it's the constant barrage of negativity alongside the comments that is probably making me read too much into it.

The shop where we are getting the FG dresses is tiny and I will be there a long with my 2 BM's and the FG's mum. the woman who owns the shop has said 6 people max in the shop as its so small and I think it would be nicer for her to see them on the day when they walk down the isle - that's just my pseasonal preference. I've shown her Picture of they type of dresses they'll be.

im not marginalising them at all - I didn't realise it was traditional for the FoG to wear tails... Most weddings I've been to the grooms dads haven't worn the same. We've said he can, I just said I wasn't sure I was on board but in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal.

I haven't said they aren't as important as my mum and dad, of course they are! It's not as if I'm leaving them off the top table and not thanking them. Of course we are that goes without saying and I'm not excluding them from anything- if anything trying to get them involved as they haven't got a daughter.

The only people who will be seeing the FG dresses will be me, my 2 BM's the Fg's and the FG's mum, that's it. The FG's are 7 and 9.

I haven't ever said anywhere on this post that his parents aren't as important as mine,'of course they are.

i wouldn't ask her to change her dress or tell anyone else what one it is, it's more that if my mum/step mum picks up the same, I can tactfully avoid them getting it to avoid the MoG feeling uncomfortable on the day - was actually thinking more how she would feel!

I wouldn't worry, if she wants to keep it a secret then let her. It doesn't affect what you are doing in any way and it's probably a little attention-seeking from her. I know a few people in my partners family that change for the evening so that's fairly usual.

If keeping her dress a secret is your only MIL issue then you are lucky Mine wants to invite her friends to the day (i've never met them and we don't live close so it's not like OH even spends any time with them), wants to be included in all our decisions, have her opinion and say on everything, I asked her to find out about some specific flowers for me and she comes back telling me about another bouquet that looked beautiful - but was nothing like what I had asked her for!, it got the point where they were being so negative about every little thing we wanted to do or were thinking about doing that my OH would come off the phone to them super stressed and I have been in tears at least once because of them. Oh and the money they are giving us towards the wedding is for 'their side of the family and flowers' and it doesn't matter if my FIL'c colleague invites herself to the wedding as they will be paying for her. (!!!!!!!)

Don't get stressed about the small things ? There will be a lot more to worry about! xx

Maybe ask her to check with your mum or step mum what dress they choose or at least tell you a colour... but if MoG feels uncomfortable on the day it's her own fault for not sharing what she is wearing! x

I think you are overthinking this. Leave her to chose her dress. It's her problem if someone else has got the same one.

You could show her photographs of the flower girls in their dresses. I think it's well worth keeping in mind that your MIL is going to be part of your life for a long time. Having the FG's dresses secret is really not worth falling out over surely?

Get your FIL the same suit as your dad is wearing.

Sometimes weddings can make us lose perspective. None of the things you are worrying about are actually going to make a difference to your day. Nobody will notice or care, least of all you.

I'm not falling out with her and wouldn't ever be off or rude to her or anything like that because she is going to be my MIL and I hope she isnt saying and doing some things intentionally, its just frustrating and gets me down thats all. I'm sure all ofyou have had issues of some description with your mums/future MIL and I cant be the only one.

My OH is getting stressed out with his mum because of all the negativity around everything we do, even before she mentioned about her dress he was getting upset with his mum because of all the comments.

I haven't ever asked her what she is wearing and only asked to see it in an excited way as she told me she'd bought it - its more the reaction I got and that I cant understand what the secret around it is all about.

My FIL will have the same suits on and I've shown her pics of the type of FG dresses I'll buy its more of a physical space issue in the shop that I dont want lots of people there as it will be too overcrowded.