Mother of the Groom Wearing Ivory Problem?!

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Xx

I would just ignore it.

You've told her that you don't want her to wear it and she's kept coming back insisting it's ok. You can't force her to wear another colour. To be honest, I suspect she's trying to create drama, since I can't think of any MOB or MOG who would think wearing white or ivory to a wedding is acceptable unless they were specifically asked to do so.

So if she's trying to create drama, the best thing you can do is to ignore her. If she realises you're not playing up to her, she might even change her mind. And if she shows her outfit to anyone else before the wedding, their reactions might convince her to get another colour. If not, her behaviour is only reflecting badly on herself, not on you or your OH. If she wants to embarrass herself in front of your other guests, that's her problem.

View quoted message I love this response. Thank you xx


My fiancé has said, in no uncertain terms, she’ll have to send it back. So she won’t be welcome if she insists, I think!
I agree; it’s like she’s causing an issue for no reason. It’s so strange. Xx

Definitely seems like she is trying to create drama as you have very clearly said no. I never really understood people who wore clothing that was white/ivory/close to white without the express permission of the bride. I just thought it was an unsaid rule and common courtesy to the bride.


She should just return it so hopefully she will do this once your fiancé speaks to her about it.

I've witnessed this happen before when someone came in what essentially looked like a white bridal gown... suffice to say she just made herself look like a right idiot... so if for whatever reason she turns up in that outfit, she will just make herself look daft so I would try your very best to ignore it and just enjoy your day 😊.

View quoted message I’m honestly stunned this has even been a conversation and is now an issue.


I can’t believe someone would wear something resembling a bridal gown… That’s awful! Poor bride! 😮

It seems like lots of MOB/MOG outfits at the moment are in ivory/pale silver. My mum pointed this out to me when she was looking. Personally, it wouldn’t bother me, I don’t really care what colour guests wear, it will be clear who’s the bride. It’s true that the outfit you picture is v clearly more MOB/MOG than bride, but the fact that you’ve made clear it’s an issue for you and she’s still insisting she would wear it is a bit strange. At least your partner is on your side and willing to fight your corner on this (some men don’t seem able to stand up to their mothers!) so definitely lean on his help, he’ll be your best ally in this. you say he’s already told her she must send it back, so as long as you both stick to your guns she either will bow to that pressure (it would be a strange mum who insists on knowingly frustrating her own child on their wedding but hey, those people do exist) or she insists on being absolutely bloody minded and wearing it - in which case, unless you want to go to the extreme of refusing to let her come (more drama than it’s worth imo, as she already sounds like quite a drama queen), then I would just ignore it (don’t give the attention/satisfaction) and be assured that no one is going to confuse her for the bride. You will be and look like the bride, and she will look a bit silly, if not literally then at least for her stubbornness and rudeness at not heeding your wishes.
She sounds like a bit of a nightmare all round, so best of luck for your future relationship with her!!

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Yes, I've seen this happen too - a wedding guest wearing a full length white evening dress that looked like a wedding dress. She looked really weird - totally out of place! The bride didn't seem phased, but I guess that's understandable, since she's not the one looking daft!

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Very bad idea to wear that dress

I would be LIVID - really feel for you. I can't believe how rude and insistent she is in the message.

I'd leave it to your FH now to put his foot down with her. It's his mother and you've said your piece. As others have said, it sucks, but everyone knows you're the bride and she'll be the one looking rude and foolish on the day.

I'd be tempted to put something on the invite/wedding website along the lines of: "We respectfully ask that everyone in attendance honours tradition and allows the bride this day to be the only person wearing white (including ivory, pearl, and any other off white shades)." - that way if MOG does rock up in it she'll get a hell of a lot of side eye from the other guests as a little bit of karmic payback

I have never seen anyone turn up in a white dress except the bride but then I haven't been to a wedding for about 5 years! It would be very strange as it is a sort of unwritten rule about not wearing white or ivory if you are a guest.

My cousin checked with me whether it was acceptable to wear a black dress with red roses and I said it was fine!

View quoted message Spam and probably virus, ladies. Be careful.

I had this like 2 weeks ago! MIL claimed she didn't know it was a thing even though we'd spoke about it. Ended up crying over it but she's taken it back and I think it was an honest mistake as it was from a mother of the bride shop. She asked people at work and said the cosensus was 50/50. Which makes me think it's more of an our generation thing to not wear white/bridal colours. Perhaps another Americanism. But I think if she cares about you, you need to sit her down and tell her how it makes you feel! I was so annoyed I couldn't see a way out so try not to let it get to you. I hope she see's sense! xx

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I think it's more recent times that have made the 'no white' rule a bit blurry. Now brides can wear floral, pink, red, black...so a guest could turn up in more or less any colour and find they were wearing the same colour as the bride. Whereas my parents' generation, the bride ALWAYS wore white and was the only person to do so.

My friend’s mum is MIL next month and she showed me a photo of her dress today - it’s off white. I don’t know if it’s a fashion thing or something, but this sort of colour seems to be very “in” for MIL outfits at the moment, so perhaps it’s not so much an intentional thing she got an outfit in this colour. If everything she’s seeing in the shops marketed for MOB/MOG at the moment is ivory/off white then perhaps it’s an honest mistake. The o above still stands in terms of making clear to her that she shouldn’t wear it. But if it was the norm in the past for only the bride to wear white (if very recent past - even up to 50 years ago you just wore your best dress, not necessarily white) then perhaps it’s becoming less so, and if brides want to be the only one in white they just need to communicate that (which you have done, in fairness!)

I meant MOB, not MIL 😅😅

It definitely seems as though she's asking for attention. Why she's trying to create drama I do not know, but you should just ignore her. Even if she doesn't wear ivory, she will not steal the spotlight from you no matter how hard she tries. Xx

** even if she does wear ivory **

Good morning, ladies,


Well, I thought I’d give you all an update!
My fiancé spoke to his mother about her picking a different dress (bearing in mind she’s able to return for a full refund at this point). He explained why—because any shade of white is off-limits because that’s the bridal colour—and said she has a world full of colours to pick from.
Long story short, she threw her toys out of the pram (very typical for her, I might add) and said she’s not coming to the wedding. You can imagine how that landed with my fiancé—not attending her own son’s wedding because we don’t want her to wear ivory?!
My fiancé has reached out to his mother several times since, asking her if she’s coming, and she’s ignored him. She also chose not to reach out or see our son on his birthday this week, which she usually would. It’s actually ridiculous and so beyond childish I can’t get my head around it.
On top of this, she was also supposed to have our two children while we honeymoon for two weeks in Mexico. We’re now assuming she won’t actually be having the kids and we’ll have to cancel. Payment is due for the honeymoon tomorrow, so we have literally no time to figure this out (and nobody else to care for the children).
Honestly, I’ve always known my MIL-to-be is a nightmare who constantly needs babying, but this has me feeling so done. 8 weeks before our wedding and she’s causing such a huge problem over nothing… I’m amazed.
As a side note, my fiancé’s dad said we should have respect for his mum and we’ve shown a lack of that for not having her be a part of the bridal party… I’m genuinely perplexed by this, as my bridal party is my MOH, bridesmaids and flower girl. I don’t have parents, and I’m definitely not close enough to MIL to have her be involved on my side, but even if I was, what role would she even play?! I’m so confused…
Anyway, that’s the update in my family saga! Honestly, whether she attends or not, I really hope this is the last of the people-caused issues. Planning a wedding is easy until the idiots involve themselves 😂

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I'm so sorry - she sounds a right drama queen and your future FIL not much better if he's expecting her to be a part of the wedding party!

It's amazing that your fiance has managed to grow up so level-headed with this kind of parentage! It must be tremendously hard for him seeing his parents act up like this, but good for him for having the guts to speak to his mother about her dress choice.

I hope you are both able to put this behind you and look forward to your wedding day. I'm guessing at this point, you probably have mixed feelings about whether you want his mother there or not!

Totally unbelievable! How can she think that’s acceptable?? Sounds like a right drama queen. How difficult for you all. Good luck for your day, whether she turns up or not!

Just read the update and the way she has reacted is ridiculous


In comment to your original post though I actually think her chosen outfit is really nice and wouldn't mind a all if my mum or MIL chose something like that, it's very obviously not bridal.

View quoted message It’s definitely a beautiful dress! Gorgeous! It’s the fact we didn’t want anyone wearing any shade of white that’s the issue—and it stuns me it’s become such a huge issue.


And now no honeymoon for us. Unbelievable.

View quoted message This is unbelievable! She sounds like such an awful person!

I’m so sorry for the impact this has had on your honeymoon, would you consider asking friends to look after your kids instead? As it’s a honeymoon I imagine some people who might not typically be keen to babysit might make an exception for something so important?

Really hope you manage to work it out.
Remember that FMIL is being bang out of order and if anyone asks why she’s not there, the answer that it’s because she would only come if she could wear white will just make her look awful and won’t reflect badly on you at all. I know a lot of people on here are saying they wouldn’t care but I think it’s totally reasonable to want to be the only one in white on your wedding day and it is a very well known tradition that it’s incredibly rude to wear white on someone else’s day. Stay strong, you’ve done nothing wrong here ♥️

View quoted message Aw I’m so glad to see your response, Chloe! We’ve all been worrying about you! How are you? Xx

View quoted message Oh really, why’s everyone been worrying about me? 🙈 I’m fine, I know I post a lot on here I just find it so helpful getting everyone’s advice!

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Aw glad you’re okay, lovely Xx

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I'm so sorry you're missing your honeymoon, but to be honest, given the unbalanced behaviour of your MIL, I'm not sure she would be a safe person to leave in charge of your kids anyway. If she can be this irrational over something as trivial as a dress, I'd be worried about what she might do when left in charge of children.