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Beginner July 2027 Warwickshire

Mum and sister don’t want my dad at the wedding but i do

Clarissa, 2 November, 2025 at 09:12 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 1

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My parents are divorced and my dad is now remarried quite some years ago.
My mum hates my dad as he remarried someone she knew. And just hates him anyway.
My older sister cut my dad off years ago however after some years of me not talking to him as well I now have a really good relationship with my dad.Yesterday I told my sister dad is invited to the wedding after she assumed he wouldn’t be and we had a heated discussion about it and she got upset saying she doesn’t want to be in the same room as him to see him or her children. I said I do understand how she feels and I was upset to see her upset about it too. We don’t want to back out of our decision to have my dad and his wife there because they mean a lot to me and my fiancé.I haven’t even had a conversation yet with my mum about it yet.Has anyone had to deal with this type of thing before and it end in a positive? I’m right to want my dad there aren’t I? But the time we get married it would be 15 years he left her.

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Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 18 November, 2025 at 21:40

Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 18 November, 2025 at 21:40
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Yes, you have every right to want your dad at your wedding. But your mum and sister also have every right to NOT want him there. Just because you have a good relationship with your dad now, it doesn't mean that you can expect the rest of your family to do the same. And the fact that it is 15 years since your dad left your mum isn't really relevant - you can't put a timescale on how soon someone should stop feeling grief over the ending of a relationship. (And I would definitely avoid mentioning the 15 year thing to either your mum or your sister, since it could easily come across as dismissive of their pain)
I think you need to talk to your mum as soon as possible. Explain to her that you really want both your parents to be present at such an important moment in your life and ask how she feels about that. Try to stay calm, even if she gets upset. (Although if she knows you are in touch with your dad, you may find she is already expecting him to be invited and is trying to be ok with it, but you do also need to prepare yourself for her not wanting him there at all.) Ask her what you could do to make it easier for her - whether that is giving her an invite to bring a plus one (you don't mention her partner, so I assume she is single now?) or arranging for your parents to sit at opposite ends of the room. Once you've talked things through with your mum - and hopefully reached some kind of understanding - talk to your sister again. She may be a bit more willing to accept your dad's presence if your mum does, but either way, go through the same process - tell her how much it means to you to have both her and your dad at the wedding and ask what you can do to make her feel more comfortable with this.
Make sure you are really clear about what you want your dad's role to be (and his partner's role too). E.g. do you want him to do a speech? Walk you down the aisle? Bear in mind that even if your mum and sister agree to be there with your dad, it is still likely to be very difficult for them, so make sure they aren't 'thrown' by something they weren't expecting.
I hope you have a positive outcome. Best wishes x
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