Mum saying that she won't come to my wedding

What she said ?

I don't know about that, she is a very difficult and stubborn woman! I did say she was being ridiculous etc and she hung up on me (she does that from time to time when she hears the truth). My immediate plan was to let her ponder it and come back to me. But that could take some time!

Sounds exactly like my mother!! is there another family member that could talk some sense into her if she doesn't come round soon?

We are thinking December 2014 so have a while to sort but I am so annoyed to be falling at the first hurdle! Dad can't make her do anything she doesn't want to and I have a feeling she will say he can't go either (he would probably prefer it if my siblings weren't there but I'm sure this wouldn't have stopped him coming). We have a very small family and there isn't really anyone else that can talk to her and even if I drafted in an aunt etc she would go insane at me for getting them involved...

Hmmm. tricky. for now i would give her some time and not mention it again for a while. i'm sure that once she has had time to come round to the idea she will see it is ridiculous that she wouldn't come to her own daughter's wedding because she doesn't like another guest - especially when it's another family member.

Firstly congratulations!

if I were you I'd call her bluff... Once you have a date and continue with your plans she'll come round and realising your not budging!

Its not like you are asking her to sit at a table with them!

she'll get over it!

Thanks all - I guess I have no other choice than to leave it for now. Funny to see how many people are in the same boat! You are completely right - this is pure jealously on my mums part - she managed to cut my Dad off from his other children and she would try and do the same with me if given the chance. She doesn't like me having anything to do with my siblings but has given up trying to change that I think ha!

It's so embarrassing as my fiances family are so lovely and thats a huge family - very few fallings out, yet my tiny family are completely dysfunctional! Now I remember why I fancied the idea of eloping...

Firstly congratulations on your engagement!!!!

Secondly for some strange reason weddings bring out the worst in some people . I would call her bluff by saying that if she's going to be like that then fine . It's childish and stubborn and quite frankly unfair.

she will come round you have time . No one should make you feel bad for your decisions ! I know it's not the same hung but I had my fil ask me for the millionth time today how much cheaper was it Togo for a mid week wedding !!! look we are doing it. At first it was no one will come bla bla bla --- stick to your guns xxx it will all work out.

Congratulations on getting engaged. My dad, sister and brother have all refused to come to my wedding. They dont like my OH even though we have been together 5 years.

Although its upsetting for me that they wont be there, especially my dad as I wanted him to give me away, if they cant put differences aside for 1 dqy thqt is my special day then its best they are not there.

I would advise to let your mom vent for a bit and once she sees that you will not back down with guests at your wedding then she will come round. If she still refuses to attend then I think thats very selfish of her and she is just spoiling it for herself.

Luckily I have a great mom who is so supposrtive ane has steppednin to give me away. Love my mommy x

Good luck x

I'd continue to plan like she hadnt said anything. And everytime she acts like a child about it, avoid her tantrum and carry on regardless. I have a stubborn mum too and when she's being like this I tend do a disarming tactic of 'im sorry you feel this way' its sometimes best not to try and justify your disicion or debate it but just give disfusing answers. sometimes something as simple as 'oh, I see (YOU feel that way) ok, ah hmm' Once you've shown your steadfast in your desicion and not fuelling the fire of fighting/debate they have no action of recourse left. It does wonders.

Congratulations!!!
I've had this with my mum. Mum doesn't approve of my Girlfriend Claire. see I'm in a same sex relationship and mum never came round to the fact i'm gay. Now i know this is a little different to your situation but I hope the follow will help you be less stressed over what you mum is doing.

My mum told my dad she wouldn't come, she couldn't stand the thought of seeing be "do anything" (kissing) with Claire. I got so angry, all I wanted was my mum at my wedding and I never thought she wouldn't be. I thought about it for a few months and came to the conclusion that if my mum was there she would be sour faced all day and that would spoil the day even more. So I told my dad that if mum couldn't be there and be happy then she was right to not come. I left it at that point, never pushed it again with mum. Mum also had never met Claire at this point. (everyone else in the family including my dad had).

So anyway, our Niece's 1st birthday was two weeks ago (7 months after all this started). Mum knew Claire would be there and decided it was as good a time as any to meet her. The result my mum saw there was nothing wrong with our relationship and even took time out to talk to Claire and now my mum is helping with the wedding and making decorations for our Marquee. Oh and she also bought Claire a Christmas present, which was a big thing for her to do.

The point I'm trying to make is you can't make you mum go and as others have said if she can't see the importance than its right she shouldn't be there. You need to let her come round. Maybe make it clear that regardless she is invited and she is welcome to come but if she does she can't be anything other than happy for you and forgets about the people she doesn't want to see. It’s not about her its about you and your partner declaring your love for one another and vowing to spend the rest of your life as one together, and she needs to remember that. But if she does come and makes the effort you need to forget this all happened as she's made the effort for you.

Firstly, congratulations. Secondly, tell her you want her to be there, but your half siblings will be invited so it is up to her if she chooses to miss her own daughters wedding. Trust me, she won't. I had similar with my mum and dad, they separated when I ws nine. They both came, your mum won't want to miss your day, she was just sounding off, give it a few weeks and she'll be more reasonable I'm sure.

We'll she hasn't called back and apologised for her behaviour, so I am going to let her stew. I let her get away with far too much bad behaviour to now go and hold out the olive branch - she needs to do that.

I'm not sure she will back down on this one, she isn't great socially and doesn't like to make a huge effort to change (they live 150 miles away from us and the wedding location) so perhaps this doubles up as a good excuse. I could inevitably end up with having very little family at my wedding vs OH's 50/60 - oh god! On the bright side at least my stress levels will be reduced from no particular risk of arguments on the day!