my brother's marriage date is close to me...what should we do?

I really do sympathise with you as I have a brother that tries to outdo me all the time. I've said to my h2b, that I wouldn't put it past him to suddenly announce that he's marrying his fiancee next year as it's when I'm getting married.

If I were you I would speak to your parents (unless they stand up for your brother all the time - that's quite often the reason why siblings behave the way yours has!) and if that doesn't work, speak to your brother.

What he is done is out of order, he should do what your w2b's friend has done and wait a year.

Grrrrrrr! I can't stand brothers like ours.

I personally agree with your w2b's friend in that it is your time and so you should be allowed to organise your wedding with out another one close to it. One of my BM's got engaged a couple of weeks after us and she asked if it would be ok to get married in Sept 11, as we are getting married in Feb 11 i think there is enough time between the 2 but a would have been a bit annoyed if she had not asked.

As for your brother i am guessing it is pretty much to try and out do you both. I would talk to your parents, and possibly him as well. I am guessing that he will say that he doesnt see any reason to move the date and so you will then be in the position that either you will have to grin adn bear it or you move yoru date with all the financial problems that brings with it. I would stick to yoru guns, you got engaged first, picked your date and venue first and so should not be the ones to move. Not reasy i know. I would also be very tempted to keep all your decision secret to make sure that they can not copy or imitate what you are doing at all. Petty as this sounds i would als be tempted to get your save the dates (if you are having them) or invitations out before tehirs as then people are under no illusion that yours was booked first.

At the moment i am going through a lot of trouble with my brother so know what a difficult position you are in. Hope you all work it out.x

Unfortunately that does tend to be the case. And yes, I totally agree that's why he behaves the way he does. My dad totally indulges him and my mum can't be bothered to argue with him about anything and defends him to the hilt because she doesn't want to rock the boat.

Same here. Me and may brither were treated so differently when we were growing up and as a result I was labelled 'difficult' 'awkward' and 'complex' because of the way I behaved.

My cousin is getting married two weeks after me - not because of any rivalry but that was just the way the dates worked out! It isn't ideal, but at the end of the day it doesn't really bother me. The only people it affects are our joint family, and they are just excited to have two weddings to go to and pleased that we are both getting married. For everyone else at the wedding (the majority!), they know nothing about my cousin's. But, they might have other weddings in the summer to go to and they might compare with mine, but that's inevitable! I don't think it's fair to push a wedding back too much because of someone else's either (I certainly wouldn't expect any of my friends to feel like they can't get married this year!).

So I say just stick with your original date and keep your plans quiet from your brother so he can't try and outdo you!

I agree with flufferbye.

When has your brother set the date for? Is it the exact same venue? Unless it was within the same month, same venue, same wedding dress etc I really don't think it's fair to expect anyone to reconsider their wedding plans. True friends and family will not be comparing the 2 weddings.

As for the rings being the same, does it really matter? Take it as a compliment that you have very good taste and your brother/sil2b wanted to copy ?.

I'd just accept the situation and not discuss any plans with them. x

I do feel for you im in exactly the same place as you but unfortunalty iv just had to suck it up and deal with it , we got engaged and they got engaged a month later to the day then they jumped in front and got married before us but its happened now and now im thinking theres is over and ours is still to come i know how you feel though iv just had to get over it its not easy to do i say stick to your plans and dont share ideas as we found that all our ideas got taken and used so now we look like we copied so we have changed ours slighty now colour wise and stuff xx

I won;t repeat what has already been said as the advice has already been very good...

Try not to worry, Stick with your dates and look forward to YOUR big day, if he copies anything thats up to you, I agree with PG to maybe take it as a compliment.

Could you maybe share in the fact you're both married so close? You could turn this right around and start doing stuff together and bounce ideas off each other, after all you are brothers, and yes whilst us siblings argue and irritate the pants out of each other you're still brothers.

I hope it works well for you

xxxx

I'm in a similar situation. Me and my OH got engaged in April and I started planning straight away. His cousin, who is more like a brother to him, has been engaged for about 2 and a half years and there has never been any sign of them planning their wedding. When my OH rang him to tell him, in the background his fiance shouted 'I bet they get married before us though!' She's a bit of a difficult women to say the least.

Suddenly we hear (not from them, from a family member) that they have set a date (4 weeks after ours) and are looking round venues. But they wanted to "keep it quiet" i.e. didnt want us to know they were planning it!

I am quite upset about it, especially that they didnt talk to us first. I feel that the lime light is going to be taken away from our day and that people will compare. Its natural for people to compare and I know they will.

But having read some of the other comments, if you step back and really think about what it means, it will only be the mutual family that will attend both weddings. My family and all our friends wont be attending the other one, so actually it doesnt really matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

I think its more the secretive nature of it and that they didnt talk to us first. Some people are just like that unfortunately.

I'm sure if you talk to your w2b and just ensure she enjoys the planning and you have EXACTLY the day you want, she'll come round and realise what matters is that you get married and you enjoy your day. It is a shock at first but I'm starting to accept it now and I'm sure she will.

Good luck and hope things work out! ?

I completey agree with purrfect gems - deal with it and focus on planning your day!

Hope you get it all sorted x

Im with steelgoddess, my sisters wedding is shortly after mine and luckily we want very different types of weddings so are just looking out for things for each other as well as for ourselves when we are wedding shopping, it makes it more fun! x

Hello. Am a bit late to this but just wanted to add that I feel for you both - I don't think it is fair really to say just deal with it as until it happens to you it's very difficult to understand.

We'd been planning our wedding for nearly a year when my good friend got engaged and booked theirs for 6 months time...3 weeks before ours! I was, and still am in some ways upset, but the situ was different to yours as due to having set time off work it was the only time they could do it and honeymoon if they wanted it this year and didn't want to wait a year as they want to start a family. It's all fair enough and I obviously know we're not the only people in the world but it did sting a bit that it was so close, and first as well...Particularly as weddings are quite 'samey' and I felt that all the little touches I was thinking about to make it special for our friends as well would have all been done before, and the excitement - for all of us - wouldn't be the same.

I did say something in the end (when v drunk - not a good plan!) and I sort of regret it really, cos despite the upset, she is one of my best friends and I really didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. However I just explained it as above really - that I didn't want ideas to clash, etc, and in a way it's worked cos we have made sure our readings aren't the same and stuff - though again, it did make me feel rushed into a decision and now loathe to change my mind incase of a clash.

It has caused some problems unfortunately too as your fiance predicts, such as friends being in a stress over money...they haven't said too much to me but I feel awful - some of them have kids and feel obliged to go on 2 hen do's, 2 stag do's obviously 2 weddings, 2 gifts, outfits, etc, which I feel awful about but little we can do apart from reassure them they shouldn't buy a gift or 2 outfits...It was my 30th recently and my other friend said she was sorry but wouldn't be able to give me a big gift with all the other expense of 2 weddings, which was mortifying for us both...I really didn't expect a big gift but it's things like that, that of course noone could predict that do make 2 weddings a bit awkward!

Sorry...probably not helping here! Nobody can really advise you on what's best to do, but to end on a positive, I do have to say that overall, it's a part of the wedding that I think about quite rarely. I've kept in mind WHY we are getting married, what a wonderful day we will have together, and that we're lucky that we are able to celebrate with our friends and family who are definitely not the kind of people to lose interest because there is another wedding as well! Your day will be so special because you two are marrying each other and your friends and family are going to be totally engrossed in your wonderful fairytale on your special day!

Good luck, hope it works out ?