My fiance and i can't agree on location! Italy Vs. uk

Hi. I dont have the abroad struggle but just some general advice maybe. My family does live in germany so my fiance and I discussed whether to give a uk or germany wedding. We decided on the uk as this is where our live is now and all our friends. However I do have family and some friends that likely wont make the effort to fly over. This is ok as I expected it and either way we would likely miss some people, so the prioritised and know that people closest to us are coming.
I think destination weddings are lovely but you unless you have family ties there it's a lot to ask. So you have to consider the fact that you will likely get many RSVP no's. I personally would only travel abroad for a very close(like best) friend or close family as its significant costs that you put on people there. Also people will have to sacrifice a lot of holiday likely to come/ make the trip worthwhile. Yes it's your big day but you choose to have it abroad so you have to accept that this is an significant cost some people might not want to be happy about. After all they all have lifes, families, possible job worries with everything that's going on. So spending a huge chunk of money to join your wedding(and being a guest on a uk wedding is not cheap either tbh) might not be doable for everyone. So at least covering their flights seems fair enough. Further more international travel atm is not easy so you might wanna plan at least 2 years ahead for wedding date as with covid there is no guarantee you wont have quarantine to battle too. I had a friend who wanted a Spain wedding and from 50 guest invited only 8 RSVP yes(pre-covid) so they ended up in the uk after all.
We are actually invited to a family wedding in Canada soon and the only reason we are planning on going is that it's my fiances brother. But even with that as its next year if there is still restrictions(quarantine etc.) we might not go. I know that many other family members are not going due to travel costs/time. Which is fine for the couple but had to be anticipated. In the end it's your decision and if Italy is what your heart is set on then go for it. But do accept that you will either have to pay for flights or likely miss many guests. If you like London so much... as it sounds like it, I think that would be a great options. In the end I personally feel weddings are more about the people you have there than the location. And I know that if my dad wouldn't come to the wedding due to it being abroad then I would be very upset. no one can tell you what feels right to you. I guess you can ask your friends/family how they feel about travelling abroad but just be aware that you might not get everyone to be at the wedding if it's far away(or people saying maybe... which likely means no). All the best

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. Your advice has been really valuable, all the way through reading your message my gut was saying "nope, abroad is not a good idea for us". I guess I need to work on trying to sway my partner.

He has suggested a location in London today - I sense it may be a hurdle to get him to commit vs. abroad, but thank you.

I have another question - for anybody reading this: when looking at weddings in the UK, is it usual to book hotels for close friends/family?

As our wedding is SO intimate (15 people), all of the guests fit into the category of close friends/family.... working out whether to book rooms in 2 hotels, 1 hotel for my family and wedding party and 1 hotel for his.... whether it's appropriate to ask friends to pay for themselves, but family we'd pay for.

Gosh - there's so many unwritten etiquettes it feels like...... does anyone else find the fear of upsetting people so overwhelming! *Especially when I'm a natural anxious-annie.

Happy I could help. Wouldn't worry too much about breaking etiquette tbh. I break some all the time as being german there is so much we do not care about(favours, colourshemes, making sure no decor isbsimilar to wedding we had been too, inviting people because you "have to".. could not care less if I tried)... somehow British people are more sensitive. ? I always feel people stress far too much about what others think over here.
I wouldn't book accomodation for people. Just send the save the dates early along with hotel recommendations and they can sort it themselves. So you are not liable if they change their mind and everyone can find something in their budget that they like. You have enough to organise without jiggling room reservations. We send our safe the dates 18 months before the wedding so people had ample time to plan/book. And we dont pay for peoples accomodation but our numbers are bigger so we couldn't even if we wanted to. We just made sure to book a venue that has affordable accommodation available( ours range from 60-100pounds per room per night which seems affordable for most).
Good luck with your planning!!!

Your idea of a small London wedding sounds so lovely, Abbie! I always thought I wanted a big 'do', but now the time has come to plan it we're having 30 for the day (and then a larger party in the evening) and i'm *so* excited for the intimacy!

Would having your honeymoon or minimoon in Italy be an idea to sway your partner on compromise?

In terms of hotels for your wedding party, I would say if it's in London then I wouldn't worry so much about reserving or booking rooms for guests as there's so much choice for all budgets! I would think about if there would be anyone you want with you the evening before though, or if you'd like to see people for breakfast/brunch the morning after the wedding and if so then you may want to signpost people to where you'll be staying. I'm having my MoH stay with me the night before and won't expect her to pay for that, but then most of our guests are local to the venue anyway so will most likely get taxi's home at the end of the night.

When we were first deciding we looked at hosting a weekend wedding (where guests came to stay in a big house the night before the wedding, and stayed the night of the wedding), but it did then take a huge chunk out of our budget. When we sat down and thought about our priorities, we could tell that wasn't it.

Best of luck with your planning!

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Thank you for taking the time to reply Holly. I really smiled reading your message - as we're in the beginning stages of planning, it's so helpful to share with others and hear what others advise. It's easy to get stuck in our bubble!

I really appreciate your advice re. hotels, that seems to be a common opinion and does make a lot of sense, as I can completely relate to your last point - it eats up SO much budget, which would definitely be a huge contribution to our honeymoon. An Italian honeymoon is my bargaining chip for persuading my OH into a London wedding....

To you and anyone reading - I'd be really interested to hear the types of things that you may have had differing opinions on whilst wedding planning. I really underestimated my friends when they said it is very stressful in more ways than one!

I can see myself Googling tips on how to keep things smooth sailing, as arguing over small details, or even big details is definitely not how I envisaged planning such a beautiful occasion.

Can anyone relate?

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I can definitely speak for myself as a Brit, I am very sensitive

Thank you for your well wishes. Your advice has been so helpful today and has given me lots to think about - wishing you the very best of luck for your big day!

Hello, congratulations on getting engaged. I’m currently in the very early stages of planning a wedding in Italy and me and my fiancée have a lot of conflicting ideas on what we want from the day. I just wanted to say that paying for everyone’s flights and hotel costs is not really expected anymore, unless you’re rich. Nowadays destination weddings are very popular and guest treat it as a holiday so as long as you pick a venue where nearby there are many types of accommodation to suit different budgets then I think you should be ok.

Hey!


My partner and I were in the same boat as you UK vs Italy. We spent a long time discussing it and felt that Italy was our best option. I agree with you on people having to pay for their own accommodation. We are paying for very close relatives but feel if people really want to be there then they will make the effort. As well as venues being so much nicer and better value for money! Whatever you decide I’m sure it will be lovely?. X