My Mother won't be attending my Wedding! **Advice Needed*

I'm so sorry you're in the position. She is completely in the wrong. If the affair had happened recently I could understand her argument. But your Dad has been remarried a long time, and as hard as it is for her this is one day she has to put you before her pride. I'm sorry if that sounds really harsh.

I've had something similar with my mum, my parents divorced in 1997. My mum remarried and subsequently divorced. My dad re-married and is very happy. It was okay my mum had a new BF but they've broken up now too. One thing we're doing to make it a little easier is having a sweetheart table (just me and OH) rather than a standard top table so my mum can sit with my grandparents and my little brother etc.

Good luck xxxxx

On this occasion she needs to grow up. Is she really going to miss your wedding because of this? She will regret it. I think you should talk to her and reassure her you'll make sure there's plenty of space between them and how much you want her to be there. You shouldn't have to choose.

I agree, you shouldn't have to choose and your mum needs to put you before herself for this day. Good luck and I hope your mum comes around and realises what she'll be missing.

That's a rotten situation. I can see why your mum would find it difficult (we have a similar situation with my grandparents and it's been difficult to handle over the years) she will regret not going.

My advice is to sit her down for one final chat. Go through what you've done to make her comfortable and try and find a way for her to be there. If she's still insisting she won't go then tell her you're sorry she's made that choice but that she can change her mind at any time. After that you need to try and stop worrying about it. It's terribly sad that she won't be there but if you've done all you can to have her there then you can't control her and you need to find a way to move past it and be ok on the day.

I agree don't chose, have a sweetheart table and make sure you try to keep them as far apart as possible. Whatever the problems were in the past they were between your parents and you shouldn't have to chose. Speak to her and if she is wavering try come on mum I really want you to be there so let's go outfit shopping and make some appointments so you look like a million dollars. That said if she is adamant she can't ignore them or be polite for a few hours on the biggest day of your life so be it. Can I ask who is giving you away?

I am so sorry your mum is putting you in this position. I think she is being incredibly childish and selfish. This is about YOUR marriage, not hers with your father. Unless your father and stepmother have been deliberately rude or cruel to her since the divorce your mum is bang out of order, I'm afraid. If your father and stepmother have been good to you your mum should respect that.

Telling her the above is perhaps not the best idea, but you do need to try to make her understand. Try to find a way of explaining that as your mum, of course she is more important than your stepmother, but you should be able to have everyone there and this doesn't NEED to be an issue.

Does your mum have any siblings, good friends you know, or are your maternal grandparents still alive? If so could you have a very discrete word with them and they can try to gently persuade your mum too?

As you say, your mum still seems to be harbouring a serious grudge. The problem is that there might be reasons she's still so angry, you could dig a little deeper but might not want to know!

The bottom line is that this is not your fault. Your mum is your mum, but she is CHOOSING to have a issue with this

Sorry you've been put in this tricky position

We are inviting my dad and his partner to the wedding as well as my mum, but she is not the one he cheated on my mum with. If she was, then I think it could have been a different story as my mum wouldn't have wanted to be in the same room as her that's for sure.

If it was me, I think I'd rather have my mum there and politely explain the situation to the stepmum and hope that she understood being uninvited, but I know it's not that simple as you've grown closer to them and they're helping pay for the day.

I really hope everyone can find a way to get along for one day for you. Hopefully if you can arrange it that they won't have to associate with one another it might change her mind.

Thanks for the responses they really do helo!

I have spoken to my Auntie who said the same thing and she said she will try and have a one to one with her and I'm trying to meet her this week to have a sit down with her. I was told to show emotion in front of her as i struggle to do emotions but I will try.

fingers crossed.

Good luck - hope it goes well. Let us know what she says xxx

Good luck with your mum, I was in a simular position earlier in the year. I hope it goes well!

xx