My sister seems to be trying to upstage me :-(

Hi Tink,

i understand your woes, I have a troublesome sister too. My advice to you though is to rise above it. Everybody knows that it is your day and you will only upset yourself. A year after your wedding you will have either forgotten all about it, or laugh about it with your husband!

She is probably remembering how exciting it is to plan a wedding and being very thoughtless. She won't upstage you at all during the day though as YOU will be at the alter saying your vows, YOUR bridal party will be making all the speeches, YOU and YOUR husband will be doing the first dance and YOU will be getting all the presents.

Good luck with it and maybe find a job for her to do so that she feels important. I'm putting my sister I charge of my daughter for a fortnight while we're on honeymoon, so she's quite looking forward to that instead.

Lot of love

Cat x

Honestly, I think no one will be impressed by her and it'll perversely make you look even more beautiful. Let her get on with it!

To be honest, if she turned up overly dressed then I think it would give her the opposite kind of attention she wants.

For example, if I saw someone turn up to a wedding in a floor length white dress (even if I wasn't weddingy) I'd look at her with shock she chose to wear that out of all the choices she had.

All eyes will be on you for the right reasons,don't worry about that!

I'm not sure I follow why you have an issue with her wearing red? The champagne evening gown would have been ridiculous but a red dress is not in my view trying to upstage the bride (I hope not anyway, I'm wearing a red dress to a wedding on Friday!).

As for the holiday, plenty of people go on holiday to Italy.

How is she upstaging you if she wears red? Is your dress red? I am confused.

Even in a long ivory dress I don't think anyone will get confused who the bride is- chill. This is a non-issue I am sure.

Have you actually spoken to her about how you feel? After all the girl cant help if she doesn't know what she is doing "wrong"

She can't and won't upstage you, you're the bride. End of.

Thankyou everyone, I need to focus on what's important- thankyou for reminding me of that. I guess I find it hard because for her wedding I made sure I wore a very understated dress, and it doesn't seem the sane us being returned . However, the wedding is just a small part of a much bigger picture. I feel much better having aired my feelings, because I can't really talk about this with my family. I have lived in my sisters shadow all my life, and I just want our wedding day to be one where I get to shine for once. Thankyou for your support x

She can't upstage, you are the bride. If she's that much of an attention seeker that she feels she has to be center of attention at her sisters wedding then she is pathetic in my opinion. She's had her day and should let you have yours gracefully.

I have to agree. I was a bridesmaid last year and we all wore scarlet prom dresses.

I guess red only grates me half as much, and as a bridesmaid - the bride has chosen that, but I guess as I chose to avoid red for my sisters wedding out of respect to her, I have stupidly expected the same. I think as a guest that isn't a sister it's fine, but sibling revelry is an issue that runs deep in families. I was just very careful what I picked for my sisters wedding, and am hurt that she seems to less considerate. At her wedding I did her flowers, nails, and make up, and had very little time to get ready, but i put everything into making her look amazing. I know maybe this all sounds petty, and I feel stupid for feeling low about it. I think I need to surround myself with people who will make me feel amazing, and this probably doesn't include my sister. My fiancé is the most amazing man, and I wish this wasn't rattling me

I'm sorry but she does seem a bit batty to even think of wearing her wedding dress to your wedding day.

Red is fine, I've worn red to a wedding before and it wasn't an issue. The only attention she'll get is the wrong kind.

Even if she is trying to upstage you (and the only thing about this they would make me think she might be is the gold wedding dress), no one else will notice. And who cares if she's in a red dress? I wouldn't mind my guests wearing a fancy red dress. I don't think it's fair to expect everyone in your family to wear an understated dress like you did for your sister's wedding - in fact that would never have occurred to me when going to a family wedding. I've always worn the nicest thing possible - especially if I was going to be in photographs!

You are the one making yourself miserable here, you have to ignore it and get on with enjoying the planning, enjoying your day, and enjoying the rest of your life with your OH. By dwelling on this the only person that's being hurt is you!

I've always felt somewhat in my sisters shadow too.... She is 2 years older yet people assume she is younger than me. She is prettier, has a better figure and is amazing at her job.

But do you know what? I actually don't care about any of that. I don't love her any the less and I'm not jealous either because I'm content with my lot in life.

Next week I get to marry the man I love who loves me back. I have wonderful children and I think I'm a pretty darn good mum. So what more do I need?!

Sis has bought several dresses And narrowed it down to two she really loved. She asked my opinion and I've told her to wear the one I think she looks most the beautiful in. It happens to colour coordinate with my mothers outfit which is a real jaw dropper and I think it's ace they will look like mother and daughter, equally as gorgeous as eachother.

Someone mentioned photos.... You want them to look good, yeah? Then your sister needs to look nice! You'd be well peeved if she didn't make an effort. So her motives may be sly (or maybe you are letting your insecurities over her pick at you) but like we have all said, she cannot upstage the bride!

And if that IS what she is trying to do (which I doubt- I think she's probably just somewhat insensitive to your concerns), the harder she tries the more dumb she will look. She is really no threat whatsoever.

Just a thought, have you ever considered she may feel a little overshadowed by you at all? Sometimes people play the big I am because they are unsure of themselves..... Maybe SHE feels insecure about you.

Whatever, don't let it play on your mind- its not worth it.

I'm at risk of being upstaged by my gorgeous 4yo but she's the fruit of my loins so if she upstages me that only goes to show I make beautiful babies.... Another thing to add to my list of greatness haha!!

Xx

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister (and chief BM) yesterday; she's always been skinnier than me so there's always been a jealousy thing- she called to discuss the shoes that she'd picked for the bridemaids. I'd sent her a picture of me in my dress earlier in the day (the first proper picture)...I jokingly said "You guys are going to end up looking better than me!". Her reply? "Yeah".

I have to admit, the Bridezilla bit of me did crawl out of its well-sellotaped box for just a second.

Although, I have the last laugh. I think the shoes look RIDICULOUS. Mmmmwwwaaaaahahahahaha!

Haha Skeppers you wicked woman!!! That's the way!!!!

Sounds like your sister is proper jealous too.... Having seen your pics in your frock I'd do ya!! ;0) xx

I agree - I'd think 'how rude' and not even look at her! In my eyes, wear what you want NO ONE can upstage the bride! I have chosen a lovely cream dress for my mum and she said she couldn't wear it, I said let's be honest no one is looking at you, no one is even looking at the groom haha! Don't stress sweety x

Thankyou, mum wants a hat !!! this really touched my heart. Thankyou - you're a star!!!!!

Xxx

It's impossible for anyone to upstage you, people will probably say 'why the hell is she wearing that to a wedding?' You are the centre of attention on that day, you're going to look beautiful and amazing! Don't panic, don't stress, don't get upset just smile!

Xxx