I don't even really know why am writing this maybe just to get it off my chest to unbiased people. I look back and laugh now, though I do still grimace slightly. I think there is a lesson to be learnt from it for other brides or grooms to be and that's to just go with the flow as disasters happen and you can't prevent them most the time. I wanted a perfect wedding and spent £1000's and I had a lovely day as such but looking back I wish I'd kept it small or went away. Plus don't try and do to much either and stress yourself out like I did.
Ok so grab yourself a cup of tea or something as this is going to be long haha
Onto my wedding day anyway and how it all unfolded. The day before I went to the venue and was going to set up the tables but they had laid out the tables completely different and in a different side of the room. So I was frantically trying to sort out a new table plan. My dad side of the family who are from Ireland had just flown over and me and my sister (irish) had to go back into town to change her bridesmaid dress. I had 6 bridesmaids, 2 of them where 12-13 (one my sister) and I had bought their dresses back in the march but my cousin had grown out of her's by the June and we had to get another, I had to wait for my sister to come over to get her the same one and it was complicated due to sizing and this is the reason I couldn't send it over earlier (where out of stock online). Anyway because of the time frame I didn't get to set up any of my tables like I should have (this is important because it leads to stress the next day).
So the morning of the wedding I had about 2 hours sleep (was up till 2am trying to sort music out for ceremony and my phone and computer having none of it bloody typical and don't know why i'd left it last minute, typical me). There was 7 of us getting our makeup done at a makeup counter in the city centre (it was Charlotte Tilbury and I highly recommend, all of us look gorgeous and they even gave us free champagne and really spoilt us) we had to go in two different groups, and one had breakfast, whilst the other got their makeup done. Anyway it ran over a little bit and we where already pushed for time (we still had to set up all the tables and do lots more at the venue). I was getting married at 3pm but had to be ready for 3pm btw. I told my friends we had to hurry up but one decided to pop into a shop to buy something, and then strolled back. This added another 20 minutes onto the time. We ended up getting lost of the way to the venue as I forgot to tell my friend to turn off as the hairdresser was calling me asking me where I was. So we got the venue about 1 hour or more late. One of my bridesmaid's was collecting the videographer and left but my other two older bridesmaids barely helped at all and then just went upstairs to get dressed for well over an hour and drink champagne (they had their hair and makeup done already).
My poor maid of honour, mum and dad where left to do everything. I had to go and get my hair done and the hairdresser was really miffed because we had been late, so I didn't even have time to explain to anyone where anything should go etc (Poor organisation on my part). She didn't do my hair anything like the trial and just rushed it and then rushed my mum's hair as well, yes we where late but she was rather rude. She apologised when I saw her again and said she had to get back to the salon. We had about an hour left before the wedding so I ran downstairs, whilst my mum and dad and maid of honour got dressed and there was still tons to do, name places hadn't been put out as the table plan change had thrown everyone. My mum told me that my cake had collapsed and was beyond saving, thankfully we still had cupcakes and the venue felt so sorry for me that they made a lovely new cake for free for the evening, which is so kind. The photographer and videographer arrived and everyone was asking me questions, and I was just trying to set up the venue and i knew I wouldn't have enough time. My bridesmaids where all about 5 floors up from me and I didn't have a phone to communicate (poor planning again for me!!) I couldn't help but cry with distress. The wedding advisor was amazing and calmed me down and told me they would sort it all out and they did an amazing job. (I just wish i'd set it up the day before as half the stuff I had spent months making didn't get put out and my personalised cake topper in memory of our dog went missing etc, I also spent ages making wedding programmes for the ceremony and the ushers forgot to give them out).
From them onwards it all seemed a mad blur but was lovely, my dad who has never cried in his life and doesn't show any emotion (he isn't mean or nasty he just not very good showing emotions) cried as he walked me down the aisle. I thought he was sneezing I was so shocked haha. The ceremony was lovely, but as we ran over our time a bit with all the morning disasters, we didn't have much time for photo's afterwards.
The food was amazing and everyone loved their cake pop favours that I'd spent days making (I never want to see another one again). However like my life nothing can go smoothly for to long. Disaster struck again, my elderly Great Aunt, who we are all extremely close to has heart failure and is 87. You can see where this is going, anyway she slumps over in the middle of the meal just before the speeches and my cousin who is next to her starts getting hysterical, my MOH goes over and starts crying hysterically saying she's dead. My mum is a nurse and went over and couldn't get a response. We all thought the worse, she had died. It had to be one of the worst 5 minutes of my life, both agonising because I thought my auntie had died, but also had died during my wedding and how could we carry on the rest of the wedding that we paid so much money for. Thankfully my mum in time could feel a slight pulse and they rang for an ambulance and they came and took her to hospital (she's fine now by the way). However it took about 30 minutes in all for the ambulance to come and check her over and all my family decided to go out and see if she was ok. So we couldn't start the speeches, meaning once again time was slipping away. It was 7.00pm and the evening guest arrive at 7.30pm. We managed to get everyone back in the room but my husband lost his paper with his speech on and with all that had happened went completely blank and extremely nervous and his speech lasted about 30 seconds. He forgot to thank anyone and also I try not to be upset with him as it's not his fault but forgot to mention about all our loves once's that had passed, especially our dog and my uncle who had just recently passed away.
I missed half the evening as we had to go and have some more photo's taken alone (as we didn't get to do this earlier) and I wanted to freshen up as well. The evening was going well and we where outside taken photos when a family members husband who was extremely drunk and started kicking off on his wife (my cousin) and her elderly grandparents. A big argument broke out and my other male cousin stepped in as he thought that my cousin was going to be hit, but this meant a bit of a scrap and it was right in the middle of the smallest receptionist area ever and I was livid. We tried to get the drunken person away but he kept fighting with everyone and my poor cousin was so mortified and kept saying sorry. My dad told me to just go inside and enjoy myself and not get involved and it would get sorted. I asked my mum to tell reception to call the police as it was getting out of hand. My mum went to reception and then it kicks off again outside. My mum comes back and told me that the drunken man had been shoved in a taxi and gone home. My maid of honour (another cousin but more like my big sister) was comforting our cousin who husband it had been. A few people outside who where smoking had been caught up in the action and had abuse of her husband, this included my in-laws. They where apparently jeering and sniggering so my MOH went and told them to go inside (there is a debate if she said it snotty or not) anyway this caused a big row between her and my in-laws. Her mum brought her in but not before my father in law had been extremely threatening.
I wasn't there so I can only get certain facts etc and from unbiased people. Anyway my mum came back and tells me that the drunk has been sorted with, but there has been a bit of a row between my MOH and my in-laws but it's all fine now. As am talking to my mum (she didn't really go into much details about anything and it was me who approached her asking had the drunk been sorted with). My sister in law storms over to us and interrupts and snottily says "Can I speak to you a minute!", in the sort of tone that you know is going to be some drama. I raised my hand to stop her speaking and said "Listen if this is about what's just happened and my MOH and you lot, stop because I don't want to know". I admit I was a bit rude and abrupt but I had so much drama that day and I didn't want to have to deal with something that had happened and basically was over. You only get this one day and it goes by so quickly and i just wanted to enjoy it and deal with the drama the next day, when everyone had sobered up etc. Now his family can be very nice but they are all quite rowdy and over dramatise things. His sister is the type of person (this has happened), if someone argues with her she would message them and tell them she was going to kick their heads in (you get the idea). So I knew it was be a big huge rant. So she was not one bit happy and told me to F off as she stormed off. Her boyfriend was reasonable (he always is) and he just told me a calmly what had happened and I said I wasn't taken any sides, but I didn't want to get involved as it was my wedding day. He agreed and I said for him to say sorry on my behalf to my sister in law if I was abrupt as I didn't really mean to come across that way and realised I had been a bit unfair (but she didn't need to storm off and sweat at me). I seen him walk over and talk to her but she just sat there stubborn and shook her head in disgust. So I didn't feel I could approach her then.
My auntie did go over and try and smooth everything out (she's a really nice person and can't bare any tension, even if she was in the wrong she would say sorry etc), she said sorry if her daughter was rude and that everyone was just a bit drunk but that everyone should put it behind them as it was their son's wedding. His dad agreed but his mum muttered under her breath that she was going to smack her daughters face for her (charming!).
Anyway I had a lovely rest of the evening and danced all the night with my family and friends and groom. Was a bit miffed at the end when we had to put it all away at 1am and the venue had thrown out all the boxes we had brought them in. My in-laws just walked past us snottily and didn't offer to help at all.
More drama the next morning at breakfast unfolded. My mum and auntie told me that they had ran into my mother in law on the stairs and she totally blanked my mum (who hadn't done anything at all) and shoulder barged past my MOH (nearly knocking her down the stairs). The receptionist said to my cousin and to me that my in-laws where out of order and if they hadn't been the grooms family they would of been thrown out the venue. I still kept an open mind, I do know that tempers can be raised when people have had a drink and my cousin can come across as rude when drunk (even though I do believe that she was just trying to look out for our distressed cousin).
Oh and I forgot to mention that we didn't receive anything from his brother and sister (none of them had paid anything towards the wedding, I didn't expect them to either, but they didn't even get him a card but had money to throw ale down their necks all night.) Didn't get a card of his parents either, though they did give us £500 towards the wedding so can't complain and was nice of them. Also his mum made us invite her two chav friends, even though my husband told her he couldn't afford it as had lost his work bonus, she told him that she was very disappointed in him. So we had to cut others from the wedding so he didn't upset his mother. His grandad and disabled uncle didn't show up, as his mother told her 80 year old father to make his own way there. Yet could give her friends a lift to the venue (my blood is boiling grr). His grandad apologised to us but I was just worried about him more than anything. Thankfully the venue gave the food to our video and photographer so that was wasn't wasted. Oh and one of his mother's chav friends took loads of sweets from the candy table without bothering to ask me (like about 3 bags full for home and her kids) and loads from the evening buffet and also thought it was appropriate to be laughing (not at but talking loudly and laughing at the table) when we all thought my auntie had died. Those two chav friends didn't bother to give us so much as a card either, though we paid £70 for their meal and drink and they got a free lift.
We where meeting my dad and sibling's that evening (day after wedding) as we where flying to Ireland with them the next day. My husband received a message from his mum saying that his sister was still upset with me and calling my family fit to burn (done this previously on my hen party when yes I admit my family a little uptight at times but not rude, either way you don't slag someone's family off) and that we had to sort it out basically. He was getting extremely stressed out as we shouldn't have to be dealing with this crap. Anyway he text back that we didn't want to get involved and they never had to see my family again and we aren't taken sides etc and that i had apologised to his sister via her boyfriend and also through her (his mum) about being abrupt.
I noticed the next couple of days that when we put a couple photo's of the wedding on facebook or other's did and tagged us, his mum and sister wouldn't like it. However they where putting their own pictures up of just them and not us. It was an obvious dig, I decided to unfriend his sister (looking back was a bit childish but I was mad) as she had been nasty in the past and I'd had enough. She can be a nice person but if you upset her she is a nasty piece of work and extremely spoilt. I didn't remove his mum because I didn't want to rock the boat to much for my husband. He was upset with his family and his mother couldn't even give an excuse to why no one had bothered to get him a card. However it's hard to cut ties with family and I would never expect him too. I just made a vow I wouldn't be involved with them anymore. So two weeks past and nothing is mentioned, then on honeymoon his sister message me saying why had I unfriended her and that I was pathetic. I probably would of responded if she hadn't called me pathetic and maybe we could of resolved it. I decided to completely ignore it. I didn't want to get into a fight as then she would involve her mother and his mother tends to favour her as being the only girl and youngest and would take her side and the only person who would get hurt would be my husband.
Another couple weeks past and then she sends me 4 long messages all abusive and ranting, I couldn't let it go on any longer, I replied but wasn't rude I just told her that I never wanted to get involved and I tried to apologise and I wasn't taken sides. She kept ranting and in the end I just said your hurting your brother, it's sad that your pride and anger can overrule your love for someone and blocked her. There is way more to the story of this but this is already long enough, just how it's all my MOH and my fault and I had planned this all along. She tried to get my husband involved but he told her to leave me alone and that he doesn't want to get involved. His mum was upset and I told him that I would never stop him seeing his family but I just didn't want anything to do with them anymore. It's really heart breaking actually because I use to get along with them. It's sad that my future will always have this barrier and I won't have a relationship with my in-laws but I think it's gone past it now. Anyway his message mum and said he still loved her etc and would come see her soon. His mum said she wasn't getting involved and I was shocked and told my husband I was so glad that she had said this and it was big of her in a way to not get involved and that maybe we could heal the rift with his parents at least. Anyway couple days later his mum deletes me from facebook. Guess that not getting involved lasted long. My husband still in contact but not much but I will never stop him. Deep down am upset he isn't standing up for me and a bit more because I would for him and I have. However my mum said that it's because I know that I am loved completely by my parents but he is obviously unsure, maybe he feels that his parent's would take his sister side and abandon him. Nothing else has happened and it's been a few weeks now. I just try and make things easier for my husband as I love him. I organised a big canvas of a picture from the wedding of his family for his mum's birthday the other day so am not bitter. I probably let it go under the bridge with his parents in a few years time when we have kids, as I don't want them to suffer or my husband but it will never be the same.
I still don't know why am sharing this on here but it's kinda like free therapy. So remember don't bite off more than you can chew (or at least be better organised than me). Things will go wrong but even when disasters happen, just try and push them to the back of your mind and have a fantastic day. Things I worried about like my mum and dad being divorced and my stepmother and my mother killing each other never happened and everyone was lovely and we had great special moments. This is what I take away from my wedding but the other stuff just makes for a eventful wedding and story and am sure we will look back and laugh at most of it in the future. Who else can say that they had a near death, a punch up and a cake smash at their wedding haha. I'd never do it again though!
