Name change etiquette

Ms is normally used for divorcees so i wouldnt use that. To me getting married is what makes you a Mrs so even if you double barrel it I would still say use Mrs but I guess if you keep your name it would be a bit odd. Can I ask why you wouldn't take his name? No judgement, just interested.

View quoted message Thanks Charlotte! I have to admit that a lot of my reasoning is I don’t see why I should lose the name I’ve had all my life and take a man’s, especially if my husband’s name doesn’t change at all (although I acknowledge the tricky issue that the name I’m keeping is my dad’s family name). Same with you though, this is my opinion and I wouldn’t judge anyone who chose to take their husband’s name at all. Another reason is that I lost my dad almost a year ago and when I was little I promised him to would double barrel my name so now more than ever it’s important to me to keep my surname in some way, whether that’s on its own or combined with my fiancé’s name.

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I totally get that, My Dad passed when I was 10 so understand your reasoning. What if you both took the double barred name? A friend did this and her hubby took it on as well and changed it by deed poll and then their children had it when they were born, so they all had the same name. If your H2B doesn't want to I think you being Mrs then double barreled name would be a nice tribute to your dad and also acknowledging your marriage. it is an antiquated tradition to take the mans name so I see your point there as well. hope you can decide on something that works for you both

View quoted message Thanks so much for your advice, Charlotte

I’ve also had something thoughts about this and it is complicated further by the fact my two daughters (age 11 and 14) from my previous relationship ( never a marriage) have a totally different surname- their dads who has now married the mother of his new son so they all have the same surname even though my daughters live with myself and my fiancé 99% of the time! I’ve never been married and I’m 45 so I am quite loathe to give up my name but we have three surnames in our family of 4 at the moment so it is a bit silly! My fiancé doesn’t care if I don’t take his name but I don’t really want to change my daughters names as my ex would prob make a fuss too. Tricky!

Why don't you both double-barrel your names? That way, neither of you 'takes' the other name, you just share them both.

I know people who call themselves Mrs Singlename and Miss Marriedname, so I don't think it matters what you do - although you might get some queries altering official records if all you wanted is the Miss changed to Mrs.

I think Ms was originally created as an alternative title for women who objected to their marital status being given away by 'Miss' or 'Mrs', so again, that is an option. I've never heard of it being used only by divorced women. Now that divorcees continue to call themselves Mrs and married women continue to call themselves Miss, I think Ms has become redundant as far as its original usage goes.

Edited to say: another option would be the American way of becoming Mrs Firstname Singlesurname Marriedsurname.

I would say Ms if you keep your name or Mrs if you double barrel 😊

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Very tricky situation like you say! I don't think there's a one fits all when it comes to deciding what to do with your name. It's just interesting to hear what other people have done and their thought processes.

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Thanks, that's all super helpful! I think I will raise the idea of both being double barrelled but - much like me not wanting to wholly take his name - I would understand if he didn't want to change his name at all.

Again, it definitely seems like it's not a one size fits all with the surname never mind what to do with titles!!

I have consider the 'American way' but I'd quite like my surname to stay as my surname rather than become a middle name.

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Thanks Hayley - that seems the most logical decision for sure

I am keeping my surname and just becoming Mrs! I don't think that anything is a wrong answer if I'm honest, it's your name and whatever you want it to be will be perfectly fine I know some people find it weird I am keeping mine but I question them, does it personally affect you? They say no and the conversation ends!

I was also wondering about this! We wouldn’t double barrel as the names are a bit silly together so I think I’d like to just keep mine, not sure what to do about the miss/mrs thing though!

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Pefect attitude to take! There's just no right or wrong answer!!

View quoted message Having a the same thoughts as well, but instead of double barrelling I may retain my surname as a middle name instead.
I think you need extra paperwork when going on holiday if your surname doesn’t match your children.

View quoted message I had no idea about that! I’ll definitely look into that now (talk about future proofing!)

I'm watching this thread with interest! My H2B years ago suggested that he double barrel his name to take mine but now that it is fast approaching he is keeping his name as it is. He wants me to have his name. However, he has been married before and she still has his surname and never changed it. I want a double barrelled name because my surname is cool and my father has just passed away.

I went to register my intent to marry a couple of weeks ano and at no stage was I asked what I would exactly wish to be known as, so im guessing it has got to be by his name. I travel abroad for my job. I get back in January for my wedding in February and will be away again in March. I will need to have changed my passport by that time wouldn't I?

If anyone has experience of this I would love to know!!

thanks

Hi I plan on double barrelling my surname as don't want to fully take my h2b's surname. My passport doesn't expire until 2028 so I will continue to travel on that. You just need to make sure you remember to to book any travel in the name showing on your passport. This is quite acceptable as I know quite a few people who have done this

I have recently become engaged and the issue of names has already been brought up. I have a son who is 13. He has legally got his father’s surname (the father and I never married so I still have my maiden name). My son has by choice always double barrelled his name to combine my maiden name and his father’s surname.
For this reason I don’t want to take my HTB surname solely. I will be double barrelling to keep my family name (my father has no sons to continue family name) and my son wants us to have the same surname in our names. My HTB is not double barrelling his name (it’s never been brought up?). And I will of course will be a
Mrs.I think it’s all down to personal choice and what suits your personal circumstances.

Im double barlloing our names and becoming a Mrs x