Need honest opinions - am I being unreasonable?

We had no children at out wedding - we made it clear when we sent the invitations, and no one had an issue with it at all! We have a lot of friends with young children, and most were glad to have us say no children because it meant they got a 'day off' parenting and could enjoy themselves without worrying!

It's not unusual to have children-free weddings these days, so as long as your clear and you have the same 'rule' for everyone you invite, no one has a right to question your decision! And you certainly don't need to explain your personal reasons - purely that you aren't extending your invite to children is enough explanation!

I agree your friend should understand and you don't have to explain your reasons to anyone. If I was your friend I would fully understand and if someone asked me why I hadn't brought the baby I would simply say something along the lines of we didn't want to waste the opportunity of a couple's day. She needn't explain your reasons either. Xx

I completely agree with the other posters above. We are having a child free wedding kind of (my youngest cousin is 9 and is bridesmaid, but she actually acts older than me!)

Pretty much all of our friends have children - some have more than one. But apart from my bridesmaid we are not having any other babies there. We explained to our friends and made a note on our invites. Our friends are looking forward to a day off!! ?

You shouldn't have to explain your reasons to anyone, but if you feel like you need to then say that due to numbers you are not inviting any children as you'd prefer to invite more of your adult friends instead!xx

I completely understand. We've been ttc for 5 years. We found out a few years back that it won't happen without Ivf and even then I'd need a donor egg, at the moment we're struggling to meet the criteria.

On the outside I seem fine but inside I'm heart broken and angry and even through we had babys at our wedding I've learned that i need to avoid certain situations without guilt, for example we didnt stay long at my mums last year for Christmas as my brothers gf was very pregnant with there 10th child and I knew I couldn’t handle it.

I think you need to stand your ground and ban baby's, your emotions will be running high on the day anyway, you really don't want to add to it. You need to look after your self. Your definitely not being unreasonable and dont worry about what your other friends will think, it's common for babys to be banned at weddings now a days so they won't find it odd

I would also not mention why to your friend unless your really sure how she will be, I found people are great to start with then get board. I've got family members who act very nice but say to others it's something I should be over by now.

If you ever need to have a good moan to someone who understands, just pm me.

I agree with the other posters and I don't think anyone will think anything of it if you say no children. We were invited to a wedding recently with no kids and the couple had put a nice poem in the invite along the lines of please leave the children at home so the adults can play... But if you google it, there are lots of diplomatic ways of saying adults only which shouldn't cause offence. It's your day and you want to be able to relax and fully enjoy it without worrying

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. We have said no children too at our wedding. A couple of our friends have just had babies and several of H2B family members have toddlers, and we will be telling all of them that children can't be accommodated for. This includes our niece who will be 18 months old then, but luckily BIL and SIL also said no children at their wedding so are quite happy to leave her with a babysitter. We did toy with the idea of allowing her to come, but then it makes it awkward to explain to others why they couldn't bring their child. One rule for everyone makes it much easier. Also, I'm the sort of person who gets easily irritated and as my emotions will be running extra high, the idea of babies crying and running around is turning me into a real bridezilla.

A few of my friends who have children that already know that we don't want children there were actually like "woohoo a child free day!". You could pitch is as you want the adults to be able to have fun without having to stress/leave early because they have to take the kids home. A lot of people don't invite babies/young children these days, and if anyone asks me why I'm not having kids there, my answer will just be that it's because I don't want any to be there.

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone or give anyone an explanation about why you don't want them there. It's your special day and your friend should respect your wish that you don't want children there. I hope everything works out for you xxxx

Im in EXACTLY the same situation of not want babies there for infertility reasons only slightly more confusing

we have been trying twice as long as you and at the 3 year point for a good friend or family I would of just gotten over it, however at the 4 year point we got pregnant and everything was fine except they kept saying due dates that couldnt possibly be right (a sign that he just wasnt growing) but their was a heartbeat going strong then at the 2nd scan no more heart beat and had to be induced... it was horrific and since life likes to kick you when your down of course HALF of my friend where pregnant at exactly the same time, I had to cut 6 people out of my life because their babys are the EXACT age mine should of been

fast forward another 2 years and I get engaged, right at the time BOOM my best friend becomes pregnant ? she is clearly planning on coming as she has took it upon herself to start making plans of things she going to help me with and I want her there however I do not want to be around babies at all however I have an older child who obviouly will be there (older children dont bother me, its babies that hurt) and she has another child (a toddler who require special care and can be disruptive) and now im stuck, how do I tell her she cant bring her 2 young children when there will be other (older) children there?

my other bridesmaid also has a child (older, same age as my son) but I dont know her child at all, the child is NEVER there when we hang out and apart from meeting her twice in the first 6 months I havent seen her in 10 years and we are on tight numbers so was thinking of just setting a rule of no children for the wedding party so they dont have to be distracted/leave early BUT my son is really close with the best mans child and would want his friend there so he not the only child there all day ☹️

it just feels like theres no way to win

First of all that's a really tough situation you guys are going through so whatever you chose to do is the right thing for you guys. I think you can have a child free wedding - we are only having our daughter and 2 nephews. At least two of my friends are currently TTC and would be either massively pregnant or just given birth at our wedding. I don't plan to invite the new babies.

The only thing I would add is that you might need to prepare yourself for them not coming. It doesn't mean they aren't your friend or that they're in a huff - they might not want to leave the new baby with someone. There isn't anything you can do to change that - just be disappointed but understanding.

I'm really sorry for you and others who are having problems. I sincerely hope there is a way through for you guys and you get some positive news.

I'm in agreement with others - I don't think you're being unreasonable in saying no children - its so common these days that friends are relishing a child free day! The only thing I would say is like the PP, prepare yourself if your friend declines the invite - not just because she might not want to leave the child with others but if she's feeding the baby herself she might not want to be away for too long from them. You certainly don't need to give explanations to anyone about your decision

x

You certainly aren't being unreasonable and no need to explain your reasons to everyone.

We live in Essex and got married in Scotland. We decided to only invite our friends and none of their children as it would have got out of hand - probably 20-30 children under 10. We were a little worried as it would involve them having to get their kids looked after for a whole weekend but we ended up talking to them all individually and none of them had an issue with it in the slightest! We did agree privately if anyone really had an issue or couldn't get family to have the kids, then we didn't mind one or two coming. As it happened, no-one except immediate family bought their children , and even them a couple of them chose to get babysitters even though we didn't ask them to!

Most people will enjoy the opportunity to be child free for a day. As others have said, one or two may decide not to come along because of it but as long as you are prepared for that then it will be fine

It sounds like your friend is the only guest with a young child....did I read that right? That all the other children will be 13+ by your wedding day?

I don't think you need to explain yourself to anyone. Yours is a really personal story, and you shouldn't feel like you have to tell it to all and sundry just to justify your decision to have your friend leave her baby behind. Although you probably owe it to her to tell her why you've decided that, if she doesn't already know. Is she a close enough friend that you could have that conservation with?

Or is it safer to just invite her and her OH and the baby to the evening party, assuming you're having one? I think most people would probably leave a baby behind out of choice if they were invited to just the evening do, as it's not the sort of thing you can really take a baby to. In which case, you don't even have to ask her not to bring it. And if she does bring it, at least it's only for the evening. But it depends how close you are to her. But if she's a close enough friend that you would want her at the whole day, she's probably a close enough friend that you could talk to her about your worries and not be afraid of her reaction.

Hugs to you

x

We do have other friends who have young children, but they're toddlers. There's only one friend who'll have a newborn. We're not having separate day/evening guests due to the distance, so that isn't an option.

It's not so much worrying about her reaction to why I don't want children there, it's more that it's not something I like to talk about or something that I think is anyone's business. Only my immediate family (parents and sister) and my two very closest friends know about it. Most of my friends don't even know I have endo, just because I don't see the need to tell them.

Do most parents not prefer to attend a wedding without their kids? A chance for them to enjoy themselves without worrying about their kids.

Having had trouble conceiving (also about to start the IVF road, so wish you all the luck in the world!), no you are not being unreasonable.

I lost a friend when she could not understand why I did not want to celebrate her baby (surrounded by other mother and new borns) but things have turned around.

Your day is about you and your partner, and you want to enjoy it. If babies are going to take something away from that then tell people that they can't bring their children.

Anyone who is a true friend will completely understand and those that don't should not be coming to tribe wedding anyway. Harsh I know but it's true.

Your day day so don't feel guilty

i hope you have a fabulous day and hope the IVF brings you joy xx

I hope that a little miracle of some form happens for you, I truly do. No your not being unreasonable its your day and that's the end of that. The baby isn't going to enjoy it one bit, it be better of being in the comfort of it's own home. I didn't have any children under age 13 at my wedding, I didn't want children running about and babies screaming crying. Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't really be going as they don't aren't respecting your feelings.