My bridesmaid was a friend of myself and my fiancee, and was there from the start of our relationship, so I thought it right that she be a bridesmaid. She was so excited for us when we got engaged.
However, since then, there have been so many problems, and I am getting unbelievably stressed.
Firstly, her dress.
I contacted her about going shopping, and contacted 3 shops. I didn't hear back from her. I made appointments for a few weeks away - as I knew how long dresses could take to arrive, told her, and asked her to let me know if they are not suitable, and when I could change them (thinking this might help speed her up a bit). I also said that I'd like her to see the dress I'd found, and one of these shops had it in stock. The appointments came (I had to cancel the other 2, and took a different friend with me to try my dress on) and I then heard back from her a week later, saying that none of the dates were suitable.
A month or so later, I arranged another trip to see her (2 hours away). We went shopping for dresses for her - and found a couple we both liked. We spent a couple of days discussing it, and decided on one. I told her to go in to get measured whenever she is free, and I'll call to give my payment details. 2 months later, she hadn't been in. I called the shop to find out how long they take to come in, and I was told we had until the end of that month to get it in time for my wedding - leaving time for any alterations which might be needed. I told her this, but didn't hear back. Over a month later (2 weeks after deadline) she text me saying she was thinking about going in that week ... so I told her again, that it was now too late (even if it did arrive in time, we would only have a couple of days for alterations - also, arrival dates are rough dates, it could be 2 weeks either side of this date).
I mentioned at this point that if she didn't want to be a bridesmaid, or didn't have the time then there would be no bad feelings, and she would still be invited as a guest. She said she did still want to be, so I left it there, hoping she would then stay in contact a bit more.
So I spent hours online, searching for another dress which didn't take months to arrive. I couldn't find one in that colour, so spoke to her about changing the colour back to my very original suggestion (the colour I liked about a year before planning started) - she said yes, so I found a dress, showed it to her, and she liked it. So I asked for her size (I knew she had lost weight recently, so didn't want to guess). 2 weeks later, she told me the size she 'thought' she was, but would confirm later on. Another week or so, and I messaged her saying I really wanted to get this ordered ... is it that size or not. When she replied, I ordered it (along with one for a second bridesmaid, who I had asked because I was doubting if this bridesmaid would be available for contact nearer the wedding). I told this bridesmaid I'd ordered it, and to let me know her address to send it to her once it arrives. When it did arrive, I asked for her address again. And a couple of weeks later I asked for a third time - finally with a reply. I sent it as soon as I could. I asked her to let me know how it was.
2 weeks later (this is now after the returns policy) she told me it was too big, and she didn't like it. But it was also now out of stock. I told her that I didn't know what to do - she had agreed before ordering it. She then sent me links to other dresses online, in a different colour, different style and different material. (she already knew there was another bridesmaid, and that by this point I had ordered chair covers, flowers, decorations all in this new colour). I spoke to by h2b about it, and we agreed that we didn't want to change everything for her. I also asked her again at this point if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid. I was sent a rather nasty message back, making me feel guilty. She said she didn't like the way I was making her out to be, she thinks it an honour to be asked and wants to do it.
I told her again that therefore I am completely stuck, because it is out of stock in that size, the other bridesmaid is happy (dress fits fine), and everything else is ordered to match. She then said that she didn't realise everything else matched (she had been told), and that therefore she was happy with the dress, just needed a smaller size. A week later, the dress actually came back into stock so I ordered it in a smaller size (now I've paid for 2 dresses for her). I told her, and told her once it had arrived. I arranged to travel down to meet her, to give her the dress and get the other one back (I would try to return it, see if they'd be nice enough to offer a refund anyway). I asked her to try it on asap to let me know, 2 weeks later, I still have heard nothing! (I know she has been on facebook etc a lot, so really don't know why).
At the same time as all this - she began having ideas for my hen night, but when I asked questions about how appropriate it would be (with my mum and MIL) I didn't get a reply. I am in the middle of a very busy postgrad course, and wanted everything sorted before placement (which she knew) so when I still hadn't heard anything, I decided to look into it myself. I tried to keep her in the loop at all stages but often with no reply - so I just went ahead and organised it all myself. When I told her, I gave her the restaurant options, telling her my favourite one (an italian - where they do pizza, pasta, salad, burgers, steak etc - so lots of different choice) and she replied saying she didn't like my choice (didn't like italian at all) and opted for the spanish (where surely it would be harder for all guests to find something they like).
When I was looking at hair / make up & trials, I offered to pay for these both for her as well, and suggested it be before the hen, so we look nice that evening. She then said she didn't want her appointment too early, so she wouldn't be too tired that evening!
I don't feel I have been a bridezilla - I haven't asked her to do anything! (I've done all invitations - both wedding and hen, table plans, decorations, music etc, all myself).
We've paid for 2 dresses for her, I'm paying for her hair & make up (plus trials), and we're paying for a hotel room for her for 2 nights at the venue. And I feel I am getting nothing in return! It is now less than 3 months until the wedding and I am super stressed!
I have thought about just telling her that I know she said she said it was an honour, however I don't feel that she really thinks that, and that I could do without this extra stress. I don't want to completely fall out with her, however I don't think I will be trying to stay in contact with her anyway after the wedding ... and I doubt she will suddenly start contacting me anymore than she has recently ... so I feel that perhaps the friendship is now gone anyway.
Has anyone else had similar problems - how do you resolve it??
