Nightmare Mum & Sister

Poor you! What a nightmare situation.

It sounds as if your mum and sister feel betrayed by your attempt to rebuild a relationship with your aunt. Do you know what your aunt has done to cause this hatred from her family? If your mum and sister have told you, and you don't believe it is serious enough to warrant distancing yourself from your aunt, then you have to decide if it's worth the fallout from your immediate family to do the right thing by your aunt. If they haven't told you, then maybe it's time to demand an explanation, on the basis that you need to know what your aunt has done to offend them if you are going to just cut her off.

It must be very painful for you to hear these kinds of comments from your family. Have you talked to your other sister about it? As someone else who knows the family situation, she might have some insight into why they are behaving this way.

I hope you manage to find some kind of resolution soon.

How sad for such bitterness to come from something so comparatively small.

It does sound as if your mother and one sister are being very manipulative. If they are capable of holding a grudge over toddlers missing out on a family meal four years ago, then I'm afraid there is a very real risk that they will boycott your wedding if you don't give in to them. It sounds as if you are doing the right thing by trying to rebuild the relationship with your aunt (even if her behaviour hasn't been great in the past, you are doing the right thing by trying to mend things), but you do need to weigh up the impact it will have on you if your mum and sister drop out of the wedding.

Sometimes, it can end up actually being easier and less stressful to have some more distance between yourself and bullying relations. But at the same time, it can be very painful accepting that the relationship is the way it is.

Sending you my very best wishes as you deal with this. I'm so sorry you are in such a painful situation. It is so unfair for you.

I agree with @Lisa's suggestion to put them on an 'info diet' regarding your wedding. But I also think you need to start setting some boundaries regarding their general behaviour. You can't stop them saying nasty things, but YOU don't have to stick around to listen to them.

The next time they start being rude to you, politely tell them that if they don't change the subject, you'll have to end the conversation. If they carry on, just calmly leave (or hang up, if you're on the phone). And keep doing that every single time. You may get even more pushback at first (e.g. "oh, now you're walking out in a strop") but don't respond. If they realise that they can't goad you into a response and that any rudeness results in the conversation being finished, they're likely to stop quite quickly. But even if they don't, at least you are not having to listen to all that negativity any more!

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It sounds as if you have started to set some boundaries - and they don't like it! People who have been used to pushing other people around and demanding their own way never do like it when the people they've been bullying start standing up for themselves! So while it's upsetting for you, it's sadly not surprising.

Right now, you need to protect your health and also your baby - stress will be really bad for both of you. Don't engage with the drama. If your family can't behave decently, and standing up to them is too tiring for you right now, then keep your distance. You can always excuse yourself by saying that your pregnancy is making you tired and needing more rest than usual - which is true!

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this. Take care of yourself and your little one x