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Brittany
Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire

Nightmare Mum & Sister

Brittany, 11 of April of 2024 at 19:44 Posted on Off Topic Posts 1 22
Hiya, I wondered if anyone has been through a similar situation and can offer any advice…


My sister and mum detest my Aunty due to some family issues a few years ago and have therefore kicked off massively because I was considering having her and her family at my wedding. I listened to their side and told them that I wouldn’t invite her or atleast withhold her invitation incase anything changes in the next year as I didn’t want my mum & sister (maid of honour) to be uncomfortable on the day.
Since then my Aunty invited me and my other sister and cousin to her daughters (my cousins 18th birthday). I accepted the invite with my sister & cousin and was encouraged to go even by my dad to just see what it’s like.
I’m not a person who likes to hold grudges, I get on with everyone and just want to be civil and at peace with everyone. Me and my partner have been through a lot this past year as he lost his dad a year ago today, followed by his amazing grandma in November. We just want to keep the peace.
Again my mum & sister have kicked off to me about me going to my cousins wedding, they’ve called me all sorts of names saying that I am naive, a coward (because I like to sit on the fence)…. The list goes on. I’m really upset. They think that I have betrayed them, but they know I am a kind and caring person and I just want to not be involved in any drama. I feel backed into a corner and belittled by them. The latest is now my sister wants nothing to do with me again and my mums response is that ‘she’s done’. I’ve been rational the whole time just trying to explain my side of events but they won’t listen. My sister said I should have spoken to her, but I just don’t understand why I can’t be my own person with my own opinion and figure things out for myself, I’m 29 years old!
They never involved my eldest sister in this, even though she did go to the birthday party and I cancelled. I feel that they are scared to approach her but think they can manipulate and bully me.
They’re saying I have little respect for them, but where is their respect for me and my wishes? Apparently I have ‘poor decision making’ but who made them the boss of me?
I really don’t know what to do and I feel so sad that all of this has been bought up over my wedding. This sister is suppose to be my maid of honour and I can’t believe how poorly she’s acted.
Has anyone else been in a similar difficult situation and what would you do? Xx

22 replies

Latest activity by SunnyPurpleFlowers85794, 19 of June of 2024 at 11:19
  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    Sorry I meant to say ‘go to my cousins birthday’
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Poor you! What a nightmare situation.

    It sounds as if your mum and sister feel betrayed by your attempt to rebuild a relationship with your aunt. Do you know what your aunt has done to cause this hatred from her family? If your mum and sister have told you, and you don't believe it is serious enough to warrant distancing yourself from your aunt, then you have to decide if it's worth the fallout from your immediate family to do the right thing by your aunt. If they haven't told you, then maybe it's time to demand an explanation, on the basis that you need to know what your aunt has done to offend them if you are going to just cut her off.

    It must be very painful for you to hear these kinds of comments from your family. Have you talked to your other sister about it? As someone else who knows the family situation, she might have some insight into why they are behaving this way.

    I hope you manage to find some kind of resolution soon.

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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    Thank you so much for your response. Yes I do know the reasoning behind the fallout but it was 3/4 years ago and time moves on… I am not a person to hold a grudge and I can’t hate, they are expecting me to have the same hatred as they have. It was all over something very sad because my grandad passed away and we had a family meal but last minute my sister was told by my aunty that her children (toddlers) weren’t invited and it was my grandmas wishes. It all got blown out of hand very quickly. I have spoken to my sister about this and she said it’s bullying and manipulative and they should let me have my own relationships and invite who I want to my wedding. My sister has stuck up for me and now they have turned on her, my other sister claiming she wants nothing to do with my eldest sister now. It’s just ridiculous, we are grown adults 😞
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    How sad for such bitterness to come from something so comparatively small.

    It does sound as if your mother and one sister are being very manipulative. If they are capable of holding a grudge over toddlers missing out on a family meal four years ago, then I'm afraid there is a very real risk that they will boycott your wedding if you don't give in to them. It sounds as if you are doing the right thing by trying to rebuild the relationship with your aunt (even if her behaviour hasn't been great in the past, you are doing the right thing by trying to mend things), but you do need to weigh up the impact it will have on you if your mum and sister drop out of the wedding.

    Sometimes, it can end up actually being easier and less stressful to have some more distance between yourself and bullying relations. But at the same time, it can be very painful accepting that the relationship is the way it is.

    Sending you my very best wishes as you deal with this. I'm so sorry you are in such a painful situation. It is so unfair for you.

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  • Mica
    Beginner July 2027 Fife & Angus
    Mica ·
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    Not going to lie it’s your big day no matter what troubles have happened with other people in your family they should put that aside just for your big day at least and be civil for your sake and your partners!
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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    I couldn’t agree more and exactly my view on it. But they have other ideas and would rather fall out with me and my sister because of it
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  • Mica
    Beginner July 2027 Fife & Angus
    Mica ·
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    Let them. They’ll soon realise how petty some things are. I’m a 2027 bride and my sister in law and my self have had a falling out but not letting me stop what I’m doing for my wedding etc my mum and my sisters partner don’t get along at all and they’ve told me they won’t let that affect the wedding day so I’m thankful for that but some people just need t realise it’s not their day it’s yours and should respect what you want.
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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    Don’t get me wrong my Aunty is a nutcase and hasn’t made things easy but I feel they get it in their mind that they don’t like someone and that’s it, they’ll never want anything to do with them again. On top of that try to persuade their entire family to feel the same way when we just don’t. I just like to keep the peace and be civil with everyone, it’s nice on the off occasion you’re in the same room as someone to just get along with them. Problem is neither of them have jobs so it’s quite easy for them to cut someone out that they don’t like, but in the real world you come across people you don’t like all of the time, and you have to be professional and get along with them and see them everyday. I just find it all so sad over something that should be so happy! And I know for a fact my Aunty and her family would love to be there and they’d enjoy the day
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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    That’s amazing that they are all willing to put their issues aside for the day for you! And that’s how families should be, that’s how I would be. It’s 8 hours out of their life and what makes me laugh the most is when I asked my sister if she would attend my other cousins wedding (if and when she gets married) obviously she would invite all of her aunties and cousins. Her response was that she would go with her husband but not her children. So she would be willing to be in the same room as my aunty for the sake of my cousin but not for the sake of me…. It just doesn’t make any sense and is stupid
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  • Mica
    Beginner July 2027 Fife & Angus
    Mica ·
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    Yeah I’d just tell all of them if they can’t or won’t be willing enough to be civil for 1 day for yours and your partners days they won’t be invited. I’m quite blunt like that to be honest I’ve told my partners sister she’s not welcome if she doesn’t change her attitude and the way she is about things. Same with my mum and brother in law told them if they can’t get along for 1 day they’ve not to come
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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    Yeah I’ve tried to be blunt and say that I will invite whoever I want to my wedding and that everyone is invited so it’s up to them what decision they want to make, but that went down well…. Not. They just think that their emotions and opinions are more important than anyone else’s. I they’ll just be sat around slagging me off and my ‘poor decision making’ what they said to me.
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  • L
    Rockstar July 2023 Greater Manchester
    Lisa ·
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    So sorry you’re going through this, families do have a way of getting overly involved. To me, I’d put them on a wedding info diet from here on out. Don’t discuss it, don’t entertain the topic anymore, phrases like “you’ve made it clear already” and “we’re seeing how our other invites go”, but never give them details. You can do this on other areas too “we’re keeping the details a surprise” is a great phrase. The tricky part is your MoH. Have you got other bridesmaids you can lean on to support you with any other wedding items that you may need help with?

    I mentally check out of most of my family drama tbh. It sounds like your Aunty is bearing the brunt of your grandmas decision which was made in a time of grief and sadness. Personally I can see why your grandma wouldn’t want under 5yr olds at a wake-type dinner, they don’t understand what’s going on and it’s a time for grief & remembrance not to be chasing round a toddler. Your Mum & Sister are being overly manipulative so for me I wouldn’t disinvite them or anything, I’d just give them less wedding info going forwards and then hope it just settles down as a result.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I agree with @Lisa's suggestion to put them on an 'info diet' regarding your wedding. But I also think you need to start setting some boundaries regarding their general behaviour. You can't stop them saying nasty things, but YOU don't have to stick around to listen to them.

    The next time they start being rude to you, politely tell them that if they don't change the subject, you'll have to end the conversation. If they carry on, just calmly leave (or hang up, if you're on the phone). And keep doing that every single time. You may get even more pushback at first (e.g. "oh, now you're walking out in a strop") but don't respond. If they realise that they can't goad you into a response and that any rudeness results in the conversation being finished, they're likely to stop quite quickly. But even if they don't, at least you are not having to listen to all that negativity any more!

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  • E
    Beginner July 2024 Beijing
    Elnur ·
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  • O
    Beginner December 2024 North Yorkshire
    Olga_Tucker ·
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    This is so sad to read, I haven't experienced anything like this, but I hope everything goes well for you.

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  • K
    Taldy-Kurganskaya obl.
    Kirstie ·
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  • Onur
    Nordrhein-Westfalen
    Onur ·
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  • Manabu
    Pichincha
    Manabu ·
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    This helped, I really appreciate and thanks Smiley love

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  • S
    Dedicated March 2024 Hertfordshire
    SunnyPurpleFlowers85794 ·
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    Gosh I’m so so sorry you’re going through this, families are a nightmare and it always pops up around weddings!! You’re not alone!
    I know this is not the way to necessarily deal with things but sometimes it what you need to hear so I’ll pop it below just in case you need to hear it…
    Screw them. Stand up for yourself. Say if they’re going to bring negativity then you don’t want them at your wedding. After hours of horribleness from my mum she realised I wasn’t lying when I said she doesn’t have to come and she stopped bringing up what she was. This absolutely doesn’t work for everyone and as you can imagine I’m not insanely close to my mum but you’re an adult and you have to decide what type of people you want in your life. You sound like a very kind person and people will bully you into doing what they think is right and be aggressive to you and unkind to make you do it. Your family is your husband - you’re getting married and inviting others to watch - that’s all a wedding is. If your mum and sister are going to keep talking about it not respecting you as an adult dont have them at your wedding. If in fact you would be devastated that they were not there I would write them a letter expressing your love but also asking for respect for your decisions, even if they think it’s wrong. Say you want them in your life and if they push you out because of it will be a regret of theirs. You don’t want any negativity surrounding your wedding and sometimes you need to stamp it out when kindness is doing nothing for you. Sorry again and this is probably waffle but if you needed to hear it, here it is! X
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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    Aww thank you so much for this! No I definitely needed to hear it and you are right! But WOW a lot has happened since this post… my eldest sister stuck up for me in the situation and called my mum & sister bullies, she told them to let me be happy and do what I want so then they have now turned on her and haven’t spoken to her since. I have made amends, I found out I was pregnant a week after this all first kicked off and the stress and anxiety from it all was just too much for me so I needed to just make it right so I can be civil and happy. I moved to a different city about 5 years ago so my family are physically distanced which made things slightly easier for me. The wedding stuff is even more up in the air now though as now my 2 sisters aren’t talking and I don’t even know who is on my bridal party. Im trying to just leave things be and hope they resolve their stuff. It is a shame, it is all such a shame as it never should have got to this if they’d have just kept their mouths shut in the beginning and let me do what I thought was best for me. I just can’t risk anything blowing up again now that I’m pregnant, all my energy is going into that and you’re 100% right, my family is my husband to be and my unborn baby so I need to focus on that ☺️ time will tell with the other stuff, I’m just carrying on with my wedding plans as normal, I don’t have the time for drama. I’ll hopefully get to have a conversation with my aunty as some point soon and just explain to her how difficult it is and that it would be really good if she could reach out to make amends but if not I can’t risk the awkwardness on my wedding day x
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  • Brittany
    Beginner May 2025 North Yorkshire
    Brittany ·
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    Thank you, yeah exactly! There are still so many other people going to our wedding who can’t wait for it so I’m not about to let one situation ruin it for myself and everyone else. Lots of positives to take so I’m just trying to focus on those and next year is the biggest year yet! Baby, 30th birthday & wedding all at once 🤣 so it’s all a good distraction x
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  • S
    Dedicated March 2024 Hertfordshire
    SunnyPurpleFlowers85794 ·
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    Amazing exactly! Focus on the people that give you 100% Smiley smile x
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