No Bridesmaids!

I am only having my best friend as a witness and she will help me with the dress, hold my bouquet if needed and will supply me with endless glasses of champagne and we will just have lots of fun. I can't deal with all the complications of choosing bridesmaids, buying dresses, etc. I am keeping it nice and simple.

I'm exactly the same. Some days I'm not bothered but other days I get the feeling I want my best friend up there with me. Hard decision.

I'm not having bridesmaids either. If they're not something you want don't feel obliged to have them. I'm sure if you need a hand with anything on the day itself (dress poofing, bouquet holding etc) there will be plenty of people (your friend included) who would be happy to help out.

I'm not having any. My friends and sisters will all be there to share the day, I don't feel the need to give anyone an 'official' role.

You don't need them. I just had my bridesman but he was very unnecessary when it came down to it. I thought about having my cousins 'for show' but decided the expense and faff it entailed wouldn't actually be worth it.

We're not having bridesmaids either. My brother and my partner's sister will sign the register, but it just felt like an added expense and something else to worry about that we just didn't want. Two brides are enough women in frocks for one wedding.

I'm not having any BM's my mum is my MOH but will just be a witness. The only place I'm worried it may look odd is at the meal as OH is having a best man but I'm not that worriedI would ask someone just for the sake of it xx

We asked my OH's sister (aswell as my best friend and my sister) and if I am completly honest I do regret it. They is no drama or anything, but she really just doesn't know me that well, especially in comparison to the others. I will sigh and get on with it and not think too much about it. Her heart is in the right place, but everytime she makes a suggestion about the hen do, or a dress she has seen it just shoes how little she really knows me. So really, don't make a decision now you may regret just because you think you should do it!

You need to do what you want to as its your day, I'm having our daughter as a flower girl and then my sister and htb sister as bridesmaids. Not asked any friends as couldn't make the choice.

Hmm I know the feeling at the moment ?

One of my BM's is unhappy with her weight and I made a comment the other day that I wont put the BM's in dresses as its too much cost. She then made a comment along the lines of good luck with trying to find a blouse that fits whats the point of me being a bridesmaid anyway. Which put me out a little, she is supposed to be my best mate after all and its my wedding nobody will comment about her weight. Plus the other BM is not that much different in size either. The other BM is currently doing a degree, lives only an hour down the road and has made no noise or been involved in any way. I have kind of given up, the wedding is 14 months away so I am going to leave it all until Christmas and not mention it again to either of them and see if they have made any effort by then. I am fed up of making all the effort, there has been no talk of anything from them. My mum is literally taking their role at the moment and has been an absolute god send. My OH has said to ask some others that I am close to but I am thinking whats the point, not everyone has BM's anyway.

So very true, politics are such a pain

Have you actually asked them to do anything and they've backed out/ignored you, or have they just not expressed boundless enthusiasm for your wedding? It can be really difficult for bridesmaids to know what is expected of them these days - some brides want them to organise the hen, come on all the dress shopping trips, visit venues, get really involved in the planning, others just want them to turn up, wear a dress and smile for the photos. If you haven't actually asked them to do specific things or be there on certain days, I don't think you can realistically get too mad at them - to them your wedding is still over a year away and their lives do not revolve around it.

As for the one being sensitive about her size, first of all it's very unusual to not have bridesmaids in some sort of dress, even if they're from the high street and paid for by the bridesmaids themselves. She is your best friend and it's obviously a sore subject for her - why can't all of you work together to find some sort of solution that you will all be happy with, rather than sulking and sending grumpy messages to each other?

I'm not saying you have to have bridesmaids - if you don't want to then nobody will force you. But try to see the other side a little, and think about is it really worth losing your best friend over?

Hi

To be honest I do not expect boundless enthusiasm from them but some response would be nice. I am not one of these people who goes shouting from the roof about the fact I am getting married or anything like that and expecting them to jump through hoops as a result. I just mention things in person and over the phone and ask opinions etc but just get either no response back or no opinion from them. For example I have been making a lot of the decorations/invites/bouquets etc from scratch and sending them images and talking about it but I just feel its a one way conversation.

I have re-read my post back and it makes me seem a tight arse, its not so much the cost it never has really been. I want them to both feel comfortable on the day and for me to buy them something they will like and use again really. But then I know what its like to not feel 'right' when being a bridesmaid so wouldn't force it on anyone else. I just feel that if I stop saying stuff now and wait until later in the year until the wedding is less than a year away would I be in my right mind to say don't bother if they still don't show much interest? I can understand my best mate is sensitive about her weight but she knows me well enough that if she thinks its going to be that much of an issue she needs to be honest with me. If she decides completely that she doesn't want to be that's fine I will obviously be upset but would understand I agree its not worth losing a friendship over.

I see a bit more where you're coming from now, and why you're frustrated. Are your BMs married themselves? If they're not, they may just not have a clue as to how consuming wedding planning can be and how important decisions over things like decorations feel - I'm not artistic at all, and I'm pretty sure I'd not have been that enthusiastic about invitation designs if a friend was discussing them with me.

Could you have a bit of a girly get-together weekend, with a bit of pampering, maybe some wedding-related shopping, and talk things through with them? You don't have to go all bridezilla on them, but explain that they're your closest friends and you are nervous about doing it all on your own so you really appreciate their help. If they start raising doubts then you could discuss whether they really want to be BMs or not.

One of my BM's is married (the one with the weight issues). She married abroad with just close family so probably not familiar with everything that goes with a larger wedding over here I guess. I like the idea of getting them together would be worth trying I guess before I make any rash decisions I suppose.

Thanks for your advice, much appreciated