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Beginner June 2020

No children Allowed - Causing massive stress!

HappyGoldBridesmaid6285, 17 September, 2019 at 08:57 Posted on Planning 0 6

Hiya All,

I was just looking for a bit of advice on the whole "No Kids" thing.

We originally were planning on having children at our wedding as we are the only ones on both sides of our families without kids.

We then had a conversation with a close family member and she said she couldn't think of anything worse than bringing her kids. She said she was worried about them making noise during the ceremony, running around and that she never enjoys her meal as shes focusing on the kids (we have paid a bomb for catering). We then got to discussing the possibility of no kids at all (The family only rule wouldn't work for us as that would still be 15 kids ranging from 12 to 2 months old). I was then 99% sure that we were going with no kids after speaking with a few family members and friends that have kids. They said they would be happy to leave their children at home so they can enjoy the day.

However we have a couple of tricky situations with our family, My brother lives four hours away and has 3 kids. Eldest is 11, youngest is 4. My other brother is expecting their second baby soon and will have a 5 year old and a 6/7 month old and lives about an hour away from the venue. My FH sister has a toddler and a baby due 2/3 months before the wedding date. If we say "babes in arms" are the ones with an older child then going to want to bring the older child or would they be happy with just their "newborn". But also If we say they can bring babies and other people turn up without their kids isn't this also going to upset people. It's really stressing me out and every time I think about it I get upset (I'm starting to wish i'd eloped at this point)

We don't have kids so have no idea how it feels to leave your child for a day/overnight but we do feel that it is only one day and most have left their children before. I could go into my defence about the venue not being overly child friendly etc but it sounds as though I'm just making excuses and ultimately I just want the best day for me and my FH and for everyone to enjoy themselves. One thing that is definitely not an excuse and is concerning me about kids being present is my dog. He is part of our wedding and isn't overly child friendly we are doing everything we can to make the day as easy for him as possible so inviting kids makes me anxious for him as he is ridiculously cute and small so kids tend to swarm to him which he doesn't like.

I get that people are likely to decline if we go with the no kids thing, We just feel that it is one day and we would love if everyone just understood where we were coming from but we feel like were being backed into a corner and the wedding is going to turn into a children's party Smiley sad

Any advice/views greatly appreciated

xx

6 replies

Latest activity by sayidowithlou, 19 October, 2019 at 17:44
  • S
    Beginner October 2019
    SunnyIvoryCakes49529 ·
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    Hi,

    I needed to reply as it has caused me so much stress too, so do not feel alone!

    We didn't want children as we plan to have quite a boozy wedding, most of our friends with kids want to enjoy themselves and we went to a wedding a few weeks ago where about three kids kicked off during the ceremony. NO THANK YOU. Neither of us have any neices or nephews either!

    We started off just putting adults names on invites, did not work - we had people RSVP'ing with their kids names also. So we had to go back and tell them, which was awkward. We even had the same issue with a newborn, I feel awful saying she cannot come as it means her mother is now only coming to the ceremony, and as she is a newborn I really don't mind, but we just had to take a really hard line and say no allowances - as other people really kicked off that their children can't come (unsurprisingly the person causing the most fuss has the naughtiest, most unruly children I have ever met!- I would rather he didn't come at all now as he's been so sh***y about it)

    We did start out saying children could come to the evening, but it caused a whole host of drama as a couple of people had a massive stress finding childcare as in some cases - all of their babysitters are also attending. I guess you could say we were also cherry picking children we like and know would be fine.

    Our wedding is a few weeks away and thankfully it all seems to be sorted, I just don't care anymore tbh. A month ago I would've said if I had seen a child at my wedding I would have kicked off - now I don't care, more agg then its worth.

    It is difficult if people are unable to find childcare but it is just one of those things, stick to your guns!

    Good luck, it will all work out!

    x

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  • H
    Expert September 2019
    Have_you_met_Mrs_Jones2019 ·
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    We did bridal parties kids, immediate family kids and babes in arms. We had one friend with a 4 month old and an 18 month old. She was more than happy to leave the older one with grandparents and thrilled that we were happy to let her bring the younger one.

    With regards to your dog, if you're that concerned, I would say no kids for that reason. The last thing you want is for your dog to get stressed and accidentally injure a kid. You could still allow people to bring young babies, as they won't be trying to get your dog to interact.

    I had the same feeling as you in that we don't have kids, and I didn't want it to turn into a Wacky Warehouse party! Everyone was fine with our rules, we just had chats with parents before the invites went out, and everyone had a great day.

    Hope this helps! X

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  • Mintyslippers
    Mintyslippers ·
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    As a parent its nice to have an excuse to leave the kids at home (with an appropriate carer). My wife doesnt like leaving her but also loves being able to adult every now and then.

    It's your wedding, you decide on the rules. Never let anyone tell you how you should run YOUR wedding day.

    Wedding days are crazy long and children get bored within 5 minutes. Mine told me how she was hungry yesterday WHILE EATING HER DINNER! For a child to sit through even a 12 minute civil ceremony its torture for them. A child over 10 would tolerate it but be bored. Anything under will complain during the vows.

    At a wedding an adult can drink, gossip and chat. For kids they just want to run, roll around and play games.

    Babes in arms are probably the thing you should allow. Its very hard for a new mother to leave a baby, especially if it's their first. And if the person with the baby you really want to attend.

    On your wedding journey you will try and accomodate everyone. Be it food, beliefs, children or whatever. Don't try and make everyone happy or you will end up having a day which is not about you but everyone else. Eventually it will wear you down so its best to set the rules now.

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  • E
    Beginner April 2020
    ExpensiveYellowConfetti853 ·
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    Your wedding your decision, but yes just understand there may be people who decline on this basis. I’ve declined invitations due to this, I was breastfeeding my 8m old, I don’t have family local to us for babysitting.

    my wedding will have most children invited, I think 25 in total. If people don’t want to bring them that’s fine but don’t want to not invite and then not have friends and family be able to attend

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  • R
    Beginner November 2019
    RomanticPurpleHair36159 ·
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    We are getting married November 22nd 2019, and as soon as we starting planning our wedding i knew i did not want children at our wedding (myself and fiancé do not have children as of yet). I thought this would cause issues in our families as we have lots of children in the family and my side of the family live 3 hours away, i discussed this with them before the invites were sent out and they all completely understood, and was actually happy to have a night off! We just really want people to enjoy the day and evening without having to watch over and worry about their children all day. Don't let anyone make you question what you vision for your big day! We love all the little ones in our family but just want an adult only evening Smiley smile Good luck!

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  • P
    Curious April 2020
    pearlycat210 ·
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    We have put a line in the invites saying

    "whilst we love all of our guests and their children, we have made the decision that our wedding is adults only"

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  • S
    Beginner September 2021
    sayidowithlou ·
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    Hi!

    We are allowing children at our wedding even though our venue isn't really that child friendly because our family and friends don't have that many children so fortunately its not been a stress for us. My fiancé's sister in law has 3 boys between 5 and 10 and they are quite well behaved (thank god) and plan on creating little activity boxes (colouring pages, non-noisy sweets (lol), books, lego figures) for them for the day and leave them on the seats at the ceremony to keep them occupied. My fiancé's other brother got married a couple of weeks ago and they sat through a 45 minute church ceremony without a squeak, but they did have things to keep them occupied - they did the ushering - handing out orders of service, different family members did readings which kept their attention, hymns got them "singing" lol.

    Have you heard of wedding nannies? Went to friends wedding where there was one and they had an area set up almost like a creche for the babies/kids. It was in a small room attached to the ballroom so was out of sight and didn't feel like a kids party lol. I talked to so many parents saying it was the best thing ever as they could enjoy the day but also see their kids.

    I've also been to a wedding where the invitation had an additional note about children - it politely said if a baby/child becomes restless then the parent agrees to discreetly remove them from the area as not to disturb the wedding... Those with children were strategically seated near exits or at the end of isles. Take that how you like lol. I'd expect any responsible parent to take a child away and soothe it and as not to ruin the wedding. Easier said than done though.

    At the end of the day its YOUR wedding, no one elses. There is enough stress already never mind worrying about other peoples kids!

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