No children at our wedding

I have children. Lots of them.

Sometimes I invite friends for a family party and their kids come too. Sometimes I invite them to a dinner party and my lot go off to bed/off to sleepovers at their friends and we have a grown up evening. Never have any of my friends (who all have children) said that they can get a babysitter but have chosen to decline my invitation because they are offended that their child was not invited to my dinner party.

Why treat a wedding invitation any differently to any other invitation? I second what someone said above 'weddings do make people crazy'. Brides get a reputation for being a Bridezilla if they say what they want for their day and appear unreasonable, but some guests really do get offended by the oddest things. The rules of etiquette still apply if it's a wedding or a house party.

Edited to add: I don't think it has any bearing but almost a third of our guests will be under 18.

I think it's down to personal preference and the type of day you're having. For example, my OH and I like the idea of a simple ceremony followed by an afternoon tea and no evening do. If that's what we go for, we definitely won't be inviting children - they'd be bored to tears and I wouldn't want their parents worrying about keeping them quiet and entertained when they should be enjoying the day.

I had to deal with the families issue at my last wedding - when I sent the invites out, I got a call telling me that my cousin (who I see probably once every couple of years if that) had a partner who I didn't even know existed. I put my foot down and said I couldn't afford to pay upwards of £60 to have someone I don't know at my wedding at the expense of closer friends or family. My cousin was fine with it.

Personally, my OH values the fact that although we are in a relationship we are still independent people. He will go to family events or friends' gatherings without me, and I will go to some without him. If I turned into the sort of person who refused to go anywhere unless he and our children were invited, he would be disappointed to say the least.

We're having a bouncy castle and no children ?

That. Sounds. AWESOME! ?

We have two children - 4 year old and 1 year old.

One year we were invited to 6 weddings. One was adults only, I won't lie I was a little annoyed when I read the invite. Before that wedding I had 4 to go to with my(at the time) 2 year old son. Oooooh my god I hated every single one of them! The one with out him was the best! It didn't help that I was pregnant but I felt like I was fighting a battle trying to keep him in one place/entertained/quiet and I had no chance of actually enjoying the day or having a conversation with an adult.

From then on I would always try and arrange a baby sitter whether he was invited or not. I would only take my kids to family weddings.

That's just us though, just wanted to say not all people with kids get upset at adult only weddings.

We aren't having kids at our wedding (only our own and one exception as they live far away) and all of our friends have been understanding, excited even!

Our venue has max capacity and the number of kids was in 30's. It's also a school day!

I love this comment!

Thanks for all the posts and its clear to see from just scanning them this is a really emotive issue. I appreciate all the posts even Icebaby, who yes, I must admit, when I read it I was shocked but as she says its her opinion.

I think the hard part is done, re: my initial worry with my close friend as I have told her what we have decided and also given her the option to bring her child if she can't get child care. I could have simply not mentioned it and waited for her to see it in the information sheet.

I also took her availability to avoid three other weddings she has this summer. Made it a Saturday and ideally in school holidays as she and her husband are teachers.

I am getting to realise as wedding planning goes on that I really can't worry this much about other people's reactions/responses to our plans otherwise I'll be a emotional wrek by August! x

My friend who works in A&E says from her professional experience bouncy castles at adult wedding receptions are increasingly common.

This had me crying with laughter. A friend of mine got banned from inviting work colleagues to her parties after 15 members of staff called in sick the day after a bouncy castle incident. Adults+alcohol+bouncy castle=broken limbs lol

I think that's why so many of us don't have kiddies at weddings - because of their child like behaviour ;o)

Is that why she said 'can't be asked' instead of 'cant be arsed' ? Excuse my potty mouth.

Funky that made me laugh ! I was thinking it and you said it ! x

Does Hitched let you type ***?

ETA: nope, it doesn't.

Trying with "crap" now.

EDIT: yesss! Here we are, then, crap and cabbages allowed. QED.

This debate will go on forever l think! I don't particularly want children at our wedding party but it is my wedding, we are paying it for ourselves and organising it ourselves. If we ever do have children then l am sure l will enjoy a child-free day is we are invited to a wedding and our children are not. A lot of people can only afford limited numbers at a wedding and inviting everyone's children could easily push them way over budget, assuming the venue has enough space to accommodate them of course.

Great thinking Bliss Balloons! Sounds like good fun.

I'm sure this debate happened a couple of weeks ago too ... I get invited to lots of weddings with and without my children. If they are invited and it's wedding where I can avoid it I actively choose not to take them .... I must be a horrendous parent for wanting to have fun without them ... I go away for weekends with my mate's without them too ...and nights away with my OH .... I love them to bits but some things in life are just more fun for all of us without them... weddings are quite dull for kids.

We will have family children at our wedding because thats what my OH would like ... they may not all come as its an evening wedding ... kids over 10 will be well catered for and hopefully not too bored as we have a kids den in a room off the main room so will have movies, games consoles etc but thats because im catering for my own kids needs. Anyone with young kids will spend their time stopping them fromgoing near the river and trying to entertain them ... its hard work and not much fun really which is a shame for them. I will be asking my ushers to seat those with young kids at the back as well ... with the comment "in case they get noisy and you need to go outside" none of them are too small so should be ok. I've not invited any of my friends kids and neither has OH ... the only exception to that is babes in arms ...

Well Icebabe I'm a parent and would happily leave my son behind to attend a wedding. In fact I've already done so and will be doing again in April. Not all parents think the same way about the question! I agree with MOMB, I would leave him behind for an adults-only dinner, I'd leave him behind for a girlie day out. It being a wedding doesn't magically mean he should be invited. If it was impractical for me to leave him behind, or if I had another small one who was too small to be left, I'd just politely decline and send a card and small gift. I certainly wouldn't feel offended. It's not my party, so the guest list isn't my choice.

There will never be an agreement on this - I say it's your wedding so do what makes you and your oh happy. I have lost count with the amount of times someone hasn't agreed with our choices . This is just one of those things . You either agree or you don't . X