no control over my wedding?

Do exactly what you want and politely but firmly remind them who's day it is. I had some similar situations to this but fortunately not to this level

Don't let yourself by swayed by other people's ideals. Choose and do whatever you and your H2B want. Its your day and you shouldn't be made to think/feel anything else.

Nip it in the bud as fast as possible. Waiting will only make it worse. Tell people what sort of wedding you want and intend to have and stick to your guns ignoring all family politics and emotional blackmail. If you want for instance two friends as bridesmaids do it and ask your sisters to 've witnesses instead. Have what you want or you will always regret it. Sometimes you have to stay strong to make your wedding yours. X

My mum is trying to control everything because she is paying. You just have to put your foot down!

Why not have your sisters and some friends as BMs and then your nieces as flower girls or junior BMs?

Can't help with children and babies - there are so many of them in my family that I never even considered them not being there. We're getting married outside though so they should be easy enough to sneak off with if they make a fuss.

Partners - if they aren't with them now (about 15 months from the wedding) they don't get one from us. We don't need to send invites yet, so we'll review nearer the time but we just don't have the space! The only exception to this is the Best Man - we'll give him a +1 even though he's single but he'll probably bring his sister.

We also have a rule that if we don't both know the person, they're reception only guests. We want only our nearest and dearest there.

We've already had a big argument with my mum about cousins. They would add 20-30 extra people and I'm not cutting others in favour of them. So they're reception guests. My mum doesn't like this but you just have to stay firm!

Whose paying?

the problem is if they are paying then its their money to do with as they want, if your paying then tell them to sod off lol

I hate babies/toddlers at weddings, they make such a scene and most wedding ive been too have been ruined by them (and for some rediculous reason lots of parents do nothing about it ?)

I hate the +1 thing, fiance is insisting we have to invite people partners even if we have never met them and dont even know their names (these are the same people who have never invited me to anything dispite us being together for 10 years, out of 5 wedding I was only invited to 1 and 1 even invited my fiance and kids but not me ?)

im only inviting a +1 if someone doesnt know anyone... if theres a group of 5 good friends then they dont need a +1 each they already know each other in my opinion

Can you have your friends as well as sisters? That's what I'm having - 2 best friends, 2 sisters and then 2 nieces, my daughter & a nephew as flower girls and page boy. I put my foot down at having my SIL's as bridesmaids though.

It should be down to you & your FI whether children are invited or not. I'm in a similar boat and I am going to say immediate family children only (my flower girls and page boy range from 2-7) as all the babysitters will be at the wedding!

The plus 1 thing is annoying. We have 2 friends whose partners we haven't met but we felt like we couldn't invite all the other plus 1's and not them. It's messed my table plans right up though!

Why not have your friends as well as your sisters and nieces? Either way you need to politely put your foot down – when your Mum suggests something you are not happy with simply say “That’s a good idea but me and H2B have decided that we would like this instead…” You don’t need to give a reason it’s your day. With regards to the +1 thing just say to people that you would have loved for them to bring a date or + 1 but unfortunately there just isn’t enough room in the venue or budget for them

I think you should stick to your guns and have the day you want. If you want your friends as bridesmaids then do it and give your sisters another role (readings, witnesses etc) or could you have your friends and sisters?

How old are your nieces? Flower Girl age or closer to teenager? I hate it when people expect to be given a role, my OH's nieces (who we had already decided we will have as flower girls) came up to me and said "so are we going to be bridesmaids then?" Honestly I think their mum put them up to it but it made me want to say no despite our decision having already been made!

Children at weddings is a personal choice and a very divisive issue, in my opinion (but don't think it is me telling you to go against what you want) a wedding is about family, not a staged performance that must be flawless. Children are a big part of family so I would never dream of excluding them. I would also worry that excluding the children could result in their parents not coming. My mum and dad were invited to my uncles second wedding but us kids (the youngest was 2) so they didn't go partly because all of our usual babysitters were family and so would already be at the wedding!

We've only invited long term partners regardless of whether I've met them or not but we haven't given out any generic plus ones (if your name's not on the list you're not getting in!). But again it's your decision so do it your way. If we were more limited on numbers I would have probably only invited a partner if they were married/in civil partnership.

Hope I haven't confused you even more, lol!

My advice... Deal with each issue as quickly as possible.

I can almost guarantee it won't end with these issues, there will always be something that someone thinks you should do differently, and there will always be pressure to please them.

All you can do is be prepared, have a clear vision of what you want and why, and make sure you and your fiance are on the same side.

We had a nightmare with children, bridesmaids, venue... I've started keeping very quiet about decisions unless asked.

Why can they do what they want just because they've offered to pay? That offer, no matter how generous, should be unconditional.

H2B's parents have paid for my dress and H2Bs suit but did not influence our decisions at all. My Mum and Step-Dad are paying for our cakes but again had no influence over what we chose. If they had tried to dictate anything to us then we'd have declined their offer and covered those cost ourselves (which was Plan A anyway).

You say you have to have your sisters and nieces, well has anyone said that? OH has 2 nephews neither are a Paige boys, ones too young anyway, and honestly they freak me out and remind me of the nanny scene at his birthday party from the Omen. So that's something not many people know - cause it's a bit weird. If you only want your friends have them. Speak to your mum, just say how you know what budget is for BM's in total (hair, dress etc) and you can't have everyone, so have no family, then there's no resentment.

I disagree with the babies thing, but that's choice. If mums and babies/children sit near an exit if they don't settle then they can make a quick getaway, if not, there is always toys.

We were very open, and not subtle, if you are single 6 months before the wedding, you are not getting a plus one, if you are in a newish relationship we need to meet them before 6 months, then decide. As it turns out, we had a load of fun in November, and two couples are now living together. I did have a bm say in a throwaway, "I have time to find a date" sorry, not paying for a random you've only known 1 month. She didn't like it, but understood that we have x min and y max, real people are getting preference, esp ones we know.

Just have a real good long hard think, about the important factors, and do not do anything rash, and ask for opinions, from people who will be fair but truthful. Good luck.

this is the problem now, everyone is entitled... they want to pick apart things, keep the traditions that suit them but not the bits they dont like - life doesnt work like that, dont want to be dictated too then pay for it yourself

in the olden day the parents of the bride hosted the wedding, they paid and organised everything... you dont get to dictate a party/event someone else throws for you

now everyone still wants parents to pay (I mean why pay for your own life choices ?) but off course everything has to be their way aswell, screw what the people who are spending thousands think or want the brides want everything they want, perfect and for free

its litrally like a bratty child a christmas moaning that they wanted a gold IPhone and got the white one

Unfortunately no matter what you do someone will always disagree so do it your way and don't worry about every one else! It's your day and if they don't like it well that's one less person to pay for lol! I had it all at the beginning, people basically telling me they were a bridesmaid and my mum telling me she should be the one to walk me down the aisle because it's not fair on mums they don't get to do any of it, it was so stressful until I thought sod this I can't please everyone so instead I'll just please myself! Now I'm having the bridesmaids I chose for myself and my step dad will walk me down the aisle and there will be no father daughter dance at all as my mum tried to hijack that too and I have two dads so couldn't choose who I would dance with as the other would have been upset and I don't want to do any dances to be fair the only reason I'm dancing with my OH is because he wants to, I hate people watching me lol

forget everyone else and do it your way

You're right, the offer SHOULD be unconditional, but it's usually not. Some parents will just give money freely, but others want to be more involved. If someone is being generous enough to pay for something as expensive as a wedding, we should give them the respect of listening to their input. Hopefully it is reasonable input but every now and then you might get the parent version of a Bridezilla and then it's probably better to just pay for things yourself. I'm sure that parent will still tut and have an opinion, but if they are not paying they can't force you to do anything. This is why I was adamant about buying my own dress. My parents have been pretty laid back about everything else, but I have been clothes shopping with my mother enough times to know she likes to use the "I'm paying for it so if I don't think it looks good on you I'm not buying it" card. We have very different taste so I didn't want to go down that road with my wedding dress!

I don't have much advice to offer about children as I'm having them at my wedding, but with the plus ones it's probably better to have a hard and fast rule, like only engaged/married couples can bring a date, at least to the wedding breakfast. Maybe you can be more lenient for the evening if your budget allows. That way no one can complain or accuse you of playing favorites. Maybe make an exception for members of the wedding party. I went to a wedding where they handled children this way. No children were allowed at the ceremony other than children of bridesmaids/ushers.

We had this and we booked abroad! We found people were adding friends and family etc we just didn't want there. If your heart is set on an I timage wedding have one, if it's set on friends as bridesmaids have them. My advice to you is discuss what you and your partner want for your wedding between you and go from there. Keep all decisions secret until you are 100% decided and give out jobs you aren't too fussed about. I won't lie marrying abroad has won my vote hands down but it's easier said than done going away without family. I just want to say if you do though it's not as scary or difficult as it may seem or at least it wasn't in my experience

^^this^^ easy. Stressfree. But not everyone's cup of tea. It wasn't an after decision for me it was what we wanted and stuck to it. I think the important point being stick to what you want.

^^this^^ easy. Stressfree. But not everyone's cup of tea. It wasn't an after decision for me it was what we wanted and stuck to it. I think the important point being stick to what you want.

I found everyone tries to "help", in the early stages particularly. I found that my parents were immediately very keen to try and push their opinions onto me and to make me book things they liked. They kept offering me more money so I'd do what they wanted. They completely overstepped the helpful line and were really trying to control the planning in the first few months of our engagement but once we'd booked the venue we liked on the date we wanted, they eased off a bit. Not without making their opinions known of course, but I really didn't care as long they stopped trying to dictate what kind of wedding I have.

I suppose the best thing I can say is to echo what the above posters have said and stick to what you and your OH want. Once you start booking things and getting a clearer picture of what you want in your mind it will come together and people will stop trying to butt in. It might take a while, but unless you have reason to rush, take some time to sit down with your OH and imagine the day you both want. Then just tell everyone what you want clearly so they just have to accept it. Book what you want before telling people too, that might help ward off unwelcome opinions. It might not be liked by everyone and it will probably result in some difficult conversations but that's when you can come on here and rant to us....we're all going through similar stuff so you have support

Everyone is right; you have to find an inner strength and be firm with your partner to say no. Two are stronger than one! I have already told my Mum in no uncertain terms that only people my fiance and I both want will be there, and she shouldn't expect to have a guest list of her own and that it will only be a small wedding. I couldn't care less if people expect a disco or if she went to other people's children's weddings; if we don't want it, then there's no discussion! It is hard as my mum definitely has ideas of what 'should' be done, but I just kept saying no, and stressing that "WE want something different" so that it doesn't become a one onn one battle, and eventually she has accepted that I'm not going to change my mind on anything.

The rule applies the bridal/grooms parties, kids and plus ones. We are having a small wedding of 50 so its even more important to only have the people there you really love and want.

- I am having 4 friends as bridesmaids (2 as co-maids of honour) and my sister is going to be a witness, hopefully walk me up the aisle with my mum and do a blessing after the registrars have left. She's also making the cake I hope she will still feel special and important without being a bridesmaid (love her loads, but many reasons why not). The role of a bridesmaid actually demands their time, effort and support. If your sisters aren't right for the job then you need to think of another way to get them involved but so that you can have the people you really want and need.

- Only family children will be in attendance for the day. That's a grand total of 2 teenagers, 2x 8 year olds and 2x 4 year olds. We don't want a day full of kids running around; we aren't having children ourselves,it's just not what we're about and all our friends know that so the ones that may have kids by then shouldn't be surprised! If they get moody well that's up to them, but its not their wedding.

- My partner has a niece the same age as my nephew - they will be ringbearers of sorts to keep people happy, but I frankly don't see the need for kids in what I want to be a very adult and sacred feeling ceremony. They won't be bridesmaid/pageboy because it just doesn't feel appropriate. My bridesmaids aren't even including my own sister, so i'm not going to have my partner's niece that we hardly see!

- There will be no automatic plus ones. Sorry but I refuse to pay out for people I have never met and have no idea what kind of person they will be at the wedding. I won't risk having my day ruined by a total stranger that feels obliged to get really drunk and pay £30+ each for their meals! I have one guest though who won't know anyone and having met her partner, albeit a few times, will extend the invitation to both of them. You obviously have to think of your guests not being totally lonely but draw a line.

- My partner is inviting family and 4 friends. My side is all friends that I've had for years and 5 family. It's about who you really want there and you see being in your life long term and will smile at being in the pictures, not asking "who is that" or moaning "ugh i can't stand them anymore".... I'm in friends' wedding pictures with my ex (very long term relationship) and to think of that makes my skin crawl.

I might sound like an ogre, but you have to be tough or else you will end up with a day that just isn't your own.... and paying for the privilege.

As others have said nip it in the bud! We went with the rule of only friends unless we knew and were friends with the OH. I would recommend not discussing it with them and politely say we will be doing our own guest list.

We ended up with a kind of FAQ on our invitations which went down very well and seemed to hush even the loudest critics (family)

Can we bring plus ones/Children?
We would love to have everyone attend our special day, unfortunately we are limited on numbers so it’s named guests only and children under 1. We may be able to accommodate plus ones/children once we have final numbers in May so please contact us and we will try our best!

Very intrigued by the idea of the FAQs! How did you go about that? I think we will need something along those lines particularly regarding the lack of an evening party and name changes (we are both taking the same combined name) etc and the idea of explaining this and more to people was making me quite stressed!

It's your day, do what you and your partner want. It will be your memory for years to come and they will all attend and input in other weddings in that time so make your own how you want it and not how anybody else wants it to be! when I started doing my guest list my family were like "you can't not invite this person and what about all their children? and what about that person you were friends with a million years ago!!?" and my answer was always "it's not a birthday party, this is my wedding day" which has now shut them up! Then I also had friends who were shocked that I didn't ask my best friend to be a bridesmaid even though I had always said I would just have family. I've said daytime guests are strictly aunties and uncles and friends who we are close with, everyone else can come in the evening inc. partners

As long as you and your H2B are happy with everything then so should everybody else. Nip it all in the bud quick you don't want it to get in the way of your dream wedding. Love the FAQ idea!

We had an insert with our invitation which was double sided - one side was hotel and taxi information and the other side was titled additional information and we put questions in with the response below.

The questions we had were what time should I arrive? Can we bring plus ones/children? Should I eat beforehand? (We had a 2pm ceremony and the wedding breakfast wasn't being served until 5pm) Is there a bar? Is there a dress code? and Do you have a giftlist?

Basically these were the questions that we were either being asked to us or the ones we like to know the answer to - especially the eating one for us as some "lunchtime" weddings we have been to we haven't eaten until after 3 by that time we are starving! It went down really well with guests and stopped a lot of queries!