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Beginner April 2024 North Yorkshire

No Friends - Need a Best Man

Adam, 14 of November of 2023 at 09:13 Posted on Planning 0 2
The headline for this post kind of sums up the situation nicely. I have zero friends and zero best man.

Actually it's not entirely true. My best friend who is a woman, moved to Australia 6 years ago and cannot afford to come or take time off work (she's a teacher with strict rules on annual leave) to come from Australia to the UK for the wedding.
I am 38 years old, I haven't spoken to anyone I went to school or college with in decades. And I haven't spoken to anyone I went to uni with since the day I returned my graduation robes.
I recently got a diagnosis for ADHD and Aspbergers, which explains why I have struggled to make and maintain relationships.
I have my family coming to the Wedding (except for my Dad and step mother who didn't want to come and uninvited themselves, needless to say the entire family are appalled), 2 work colleagues, and a few people I play Dungeons and Dragons with. Of the above, none are Best Man material, several had no idea what my last name was until they received their Save the Dates, and not a single person (other than my mum and her partner) have ever even seen the inside of my house.
Most of my fiancé's friends I have only met once or twice, so they're a no go.
It's embarrassing as my fiancé has about 60 people coming. Close friends, University friends, family, and work friends, and my guest list is less than 10 (and declining)
I have been putting off getting engaged for 8 years and the wedding for another 2 because I am frankly embarrassed that I will be stood at the front of the church, by myself, surrounded predominantly by strangers, and having to spend a day celebrating with strangers and having my photo taken (which I hate more than anything in the entire world), dancing (which is on par with having my photo taken), whilst trying to pretend that the entire thing isn't uncomfortable, embarrassing and outright depressing.
Whenever my fiancé has friends and family around, I busy myself with hosting, cooking, cleaning, making drinks, and dissolving into the background.
At my own wedding I can't do any of this, and I don't even have a friend to cling onto.
This is the first time I have said this, but felt that I needed to reach out for advice. The wedding is in July and I don't know what to do. At this point I am tempted to just forego having a Best Man and muddle through the day.

2 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 15 of November of 2023 at 10:29
  • PhotographybyBillHaddon
    Super January 3000 Leicestershire
    PhotographybyBillHaddon ·
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    That's a lot there fella but the first thing I will say is you do not need a best man I have shot plenty of weddings without them and also ones with a best Woman like you could of had. How about asking your D&D mates to be groomsmen or you don't even have to have that.

    And you do have your friend there - its your best friend in the world and you are marrying them ! Smiley heart

    When it comes to photos I am told all the time that either one or both hate it but I honestly never see it on the day. Dancing - you don't have to and if there is pressure for a first dance then a grab and sway is all that is needed for half of a song and then instruct the dj to invite all the couples up with you - having first primed them so they know to pile on.

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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    You don't 'have' to have a best man any more than the bride 'has' to have bridesmaids. My husband did have a best man for our wedding, but I had no bridesmaids and no one thought that was worthy of comment.

    Apart from the legal stuff, there is nothing you 'have' to have at a wedding, so if dancing makes you feel stressed, don't have any! Or if it is super-important to your fiancee, then do as Bill suggests and get everyone else joining in as soon as possible.

    As far as the imbalanced guest list goes, it doesn't matter. If you don't have designated 'sides' of the ceremony for bride's guests and groom's guests, then no one is even going to notice that she has more guests than you. I'm not a fan of 'sides' anyway - a wedding is about two people coming together to make one new family unit, and hopefully you will both get to know and like each other's friends and family over the years anyway. So mixing everyone up at the wedding seems like a good start. I've been to several weddings where one partner has a tiny number of guests compared to the other, and I've only know because I've been told by the couple. I suspect I've been to a lot more weddings where there was a similar imbalance in the guest list, but because no one mentioned it, I didn't know.

    My husband and I both hate being photographed, but we didn't mind at all at our wedding. You'll be so focussed on getting married beforehand and afterwards on the fact that you are now Mr and Mrs that you won't mind the photographer at all.

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