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Beginner April 2025 Northamptonshire

No plus one desitination wedding?

Faye, 25 March, 2024 at 14:04 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 1 1

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We are planning a destination wedding in South Africa, and are only wanting close family to come.

This is due to the cost as we are paying for the full 3 day event in a game reserve ourselves for everyone, space is also very limited. Over and above this when we chose our wedding our dream was of sharing our big day with the people who have been closest to us over the past 15 years we have been together.

SO brother is upset as we have said he cant bring his girlfriend. Baring in mind they have been together 6 months, he has introduced her to us, they are not engaged or living together are we being unreasonable? I would just hate someone being there that i don't know. It was the opposite of what we were wanting.

We have even offered for him to travel with us, and for her to fly out after the wedding. I feel terrible, but also think we should be true to what we want and that he should try to understand.

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Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 26 March, 2024 at 15:22

VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 26 March, 2024 at 15:22
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In the first place, the brother's girlfriend is his partner, not a plus one. A 'plus one' is where you send an invitation to a named person '+ guest' - it's designed to allow those who are currently single to bring a date to your wedding. I'd avoid using the term to SO's brother, since it can cause offence to use a term that describes a casual date to refer to a serious partner.
I can understand that you don't want someone you don't know at your wedding! But at the same time, I can understand why SO's brother is disappointed at the thought of having such a once-in-a-lifetime experience without his girlfriend. Also, while they have only been dating 6 months now, by your wedding, it will be over 18 months - they could even be engaged themselves by that point! (My OH and I got married 18 months after our first date!)
Obviously, it's your right to have whatever rules you want at your wedding (as long as you're prepared for people to decline if they don't like them!), but you don't want to upset close family unnecessarily. As a compromise, is there a possibility that his girlfriend could be added to the guest list at a later date if they are still together? If they are still together in a year's time, you should have had opportunity to get to know her by that point, so might feel differently about having her at your wedding.
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