Non religious church weddings?

I definitely don't agree with atheists getting married in church 'for show' or 'for nice photos'. Absolute mockery of the vows made for both the atheists promising to a deity they don't think exists and for the genuine religious whose vows are reduced to platitudes. I'm less bothered by those who believe in god but aren't specifically religious getting married in a church of whatever flavour (it may not matter to them).

However, atheists may choose a church wedding because family members married there, or significant people are buried there, and so on. I still wouldn't consider it, but perhaps it softens the annoyance a little.

Or, forward planning? Is the church associated with a particularly good school

If someone considers themselves atheist but chooses to marry in a church I personally think that is hypocritical.

i personally don't agree with non religious people marrying in church just for the sake of a pretty building!

Ditto, thats why I'm not. I'm not atheist just agnostic but I'd still feel like it was a sham, especially if i wasn't a part of the church to begin with.

I consider myself an Atheist and OH would consider himself spiritual but not religious so we definitely don't want to get married in a church because it would be hypocritical.

? to sweeten you all ?

I carnt really describe how i feel about it to be honest. I dont believe in God and neither does my OH. I have quite strong feelings on religion to be honest but this is where it gets confusing....Im getting married in a church. I dont know why but i carnt imagine not getting married in a church. its important for me to get married in a church. I suppose its down to tradition. To me getting married is hand in hand with a church.

I know that doesnt really make sense and alot of people will consider me a hypocrite but thats just how i feel. I dont think I would feel married if it wasnt in a church and i suspect thats how non religious people end up marrying in a church.

I dont think it makes a mockery of your vows or of religious people. To me your vows are a promise to each other, no matter where they are said.

(runs and hides)

I think it's massively hypocritical to get married in a church if you're not a church-goer. Fair enough if one of you is, and they want to get married in a church, but if neither of you are...????!!!!!

Both my h2b and I were baptised Catholic, h2b even went to a Catholic school and was confirmed, but I stopped going to church as soon as I was old enough to decide not to, and my h2b hasn't been since he was taken as a child either, so neither of us wanted to get married in a church.

Personally I think it is hypocritical to say your vows in front of a God you don't believe in.

but if you dont believe in him you wouldnt consider that you are saying them in front of God if that makes sense. You could argue that non religious people shouldnt be godparents or attend church weddings. Or have church burials.

The way i see it is the Church performs a service and is paid for it. They are happy, the couple is happy. Everbody wins.

Curley its the wording, i cant remember them off the top of my head but they basically you two making a promise to god that you'll join in union and only god may separate you. if you dont believe in god then its like an empty promise. sorry for the downer

We're getting wed in a multi-faith chapel which means we have the whole little church feel without feeling like hypocrites as we're aren't religious.

Our minister is multi-faith and has let us put together our own non religious service :-)

So if you don't believe why are you getting married in God's "house"? I actually think it's a bit disrespectful to people who do practice religion (and that's coming from a non-religious person). Attending a wedding in a church is a bit different - you're just a guest, you're not saying any religious vows.

So if you don't believe why are you getting married in God's "house"? I actually think it's a bit disrespectful to people who do practice religion (and that's coming from a non-religious person). Attending a wedding in a church is a bit different - you're just a guest, you're not saying any religious vows.

But the whole (Christian) church marriage stuff is about authority under god, no man can put asunder, etc. God is very much the centre of the marriage - you consent to that in a religious ceremony. It is a three-way thing.

Agree that non-religious people shouldn't be godparents (how can they oversee spiritual well being?). Don't agree that non-religious people shouldn't attend church weddings (I might not agree with the sentiment, but why is that relevant to the marriage taking place? I definitely don't sing or owt, though). Religious burials for atheists can be, well, out of their hands.

Doesn't bother me, although it's not something I would do as I wouldn't want to subject my guests to the tedium of a church service. I am an atheist but, for example, I like going to church at Christmas to sing carols and listen to the nativity story - it's part of my culture and I enjoy it. Same goes for weddings - all the stuff about making promises in front of god is a red herring imo. If you don't believe in god then you are essentially making the same vows as you do in a civil service but with some added, irrelevant frilly bits.

I suppose everyone feels differently, i certainly dont mean any dis-respect to religious people and I dont really see why they would find it disrespectful. I mean nobody any harm and want to marry in a church because to me thats what you do when you get married.

This is the way i see it. Although not religious I like the idea of my money going to the church instead of a hotel. Ive just cancelled my Church wedding here (going to Scotland now), when they asked who to address my refunded deposit to i told them to keep it. Even though im a non believer i respect that the church helps many people not just those that attend their churches and i am happier giving them my money.

Crumbs, you're expressing offensive views here, aren't you? "Tedium" "red herring" "irrelevant frilly bits"????

Strongly voiced opinions and yes, offensive to people whose faith is an important and integral part of their lives.

I agree with AC - I think your opinions are a little too personal, direct and offensive to those who do believe. You need to be careful how you word things on a public forum.

My OH is a catholic, brought up in Northern Ireland. He attends mass whenever he's home, and sporadically over here.

I wasn't raised with religion, I've not been christened, and I'm unsure where i stand with religion/God! There was no talk of us marrying in his chapel. I could never have gone through with it, even if we had been allowed. The chapel is gorgeous, but I'd have felt like a complete fraud having our ceremony there!

So glad that we're going abroad and OH's family are happy with our decision.

This really annoys me!!! Just because people don't believe and have opinions you don't agree with doesnt make it offensive. That's like me saying your beliefs offend me so please don't tell me gods a big part of your life and you find church weddings deeply moving! It offends me!

When I said earlier that I have strong views on religion this was what I meant. I don't care if your religious or not. I don't care what god you believe in. That's your right but don't tell people they offend you because they don't believe and think its silly/tedious/irrelevant. That's their right!

I find it rude, disrespectful and in poor taste to get married in a church (or any other religious building)if you are not of that faith.

I also feel that it makes a sham of your marriage. "Oh yes please God who we don't believe in,bless this marriage..." madness.

I just don't understand why you would? Ridiculous.

I couldn't agree more with AC! People who have seen me around on here know that I refrain from commenting most of the time but this has really bothered me! You can't just dismiss someone's faith like that even if it means nothing to you, fine that's your choice and I'm not dismissing it.

also to the person who said something against going to services just to qualify to marry in a church my OH and I are marrying some 125 miles from where we live and our 'connection' to that church is it's the one I went to when I was growing up. I have no qualifying connection but I have always wanted to marry there. We attend services twice a month and participate in many (if not all) the church events (I'm talking fund raising, community meals, harvest festival etc) we feel really part of the congregation even though we aren't part of the community itself. I genuinely can't see that there is anything wrong with what we are doing. OH's job keeps us in Bristol and we've yet to find a church we feel 'fits' us and our faith how we understand it. We go to our local church to participate in the community but spiritually it's not quite us.

Sorry if I've misunderstood, as I say I'm more of a reader than a poster here and I'll probably stay that way til my wedding but I wanted to say something to this.

Sorry also that I've not answered the OP's point, I think all I have to say has been said on that by others.

I think its more the wording Curley? I am an atheist, I don't believe in God and have no desire to be involved in anything religious however I wouldn't be disrespectful towards it which I see some of the phrasing used by Foo to be for someone of faith?

Which bits are disrespectful?

I think the bits about tedium and irrelevant frilly bits are disrespectful IMO towards someone who is religious. I think if I believed in something I would be hurt by those words. Its like what I believed in was flippant, not of worth?

Im not the only one to mention it though so not sure why ive solely been quoted but hey ho, such is life on Hitched.

You are obviously far more bitter Mini one.

I agree, it was the choice of words, which is what I tried to say in my post.

For someone of faith, a wedding ceremony is not full of 'irrelevant frilly bits'.

Apologies, I quoted you just because you were last to respond - the question was really aimed at everyone who commented.

Anyway, I don't see what is disrespectful about describing something as 'irrelevant'. I also think the Lib Dems are irrelevant - is that offensive too? And I am sure believers and non-believers alike would agree that church services are sometimes dull. I often find that religious people can't take even a hint of negative comment and are quick to claim offence where none is intended. Perhaps, deep down, they know...?

ah yes of course! Bitter horrid Mini. ?

For someone of faith, a wedding ceremony is not full of 'irrelevant frilly bits'.

But to an atheist it is, which is what I said.

***tiptoes away from thread before bombs goes off***

And it is this type of throw away comment which means I can no longer continue this debate with you.

If you can't see why the words that you chose to express your opinion could be offensive to some, then you are very short sighted.

Another thing about religious people - they can really take a joke. ?