Non religious church weddings?

If you aren't religious then please don't be so presumptions to take offence on others people's behalf! You have no idea if they would be offend or not.

I also don't see how it's offensive. A religious person once said to me that evolution was a load of crap, I didn't throw a strop because he offended me ( I chuckled because it was a stupid thing to say!).

I think this conversation is better off left alone. People obviously have very strong opinions about it

Absolutely - I agree that a church ceremony to an atheist would seem 'irrelevant'...so why on EARTH would you choose one for your wedding ceremony, one of the most important days of your life, if you're not religious! Complete contradiction right there.

Sorry did you just say "religious people" ? seriously?

no i said a religious person.....is that somehow offensive?

I really wanted a church wedding - I am not a regular church attender but I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me. My H is an atheist though, and after a lot of discussion, both between the two of us and with the minister who would have done the church service, and soul-searching, didn't feel he could be comfortable with making his vows in front of/involving a being he doesn't believe in. As others had said, he felt that it would make them meaningless because he was promising to/via something he didn't believe in, rather than just from him to me as the civil ceremony is.

So in the end we reached a compromise, which was incidentally the same thing my mum and dad had done 30 years before (though for different reasons), and had a civil wedding followed by a blessing in the chapel - he was happy with that as the blessing didn't involve him making any promises he couldn't keep and the wording is a bit more flexible. I've never been to another one like it, and it cost us a lot more than just having the one ceremony, but it was worth it for us both to be able to have the important elements we wanted.

I don't think non religious couples should be allowed to marry in a church, IMO. I think it makes a mockery of those who believe in god. The vows said in church are meaningful to those who are religious, because they directly involve god in the relationship. My vows that I said in a registry office were meaningful to me and I don't feel any less married because it wasn't in a church. In fact i loved our readings and vows very much.

There is also a fine line between having your own opinions and offending others beliefs.

If you read the original comment then you would realise she didnt!

I was referring to this…

i think what she is saying is why would others be offended just because someone else does not share their beliefs and considers them irrelevant. If your faith is a massive part of your life and you deeply believe then others views would not matter. Everyone is entitled to their views and they are Foo's honest views.

Oh the irony. ?

I was referring to you, as the original OP...

Well for lots of reasons, as mentioned earlier in the thread - tradition, family connections, convenience, nice photos...

What I said was that TO AN ATHEIST there are irrelevant frilly bits in a church wedding ceremony. Is that not true? Who does that offend? Who am I condescending?

I think maybe this matter isn't as black and white as it seems. I am getting married in church, but before I got engaged I did not go to church and have not been christened. I wouldn't class myself as religious, as I was not brought up as such, but I'm far from atheist either. While my parents were not religious, my grandparents were - my dad's uncle was a vicar and my maternal grandfather recited The Lord's Prayer in Latin every night.

The church I am marrying in has a stained glass window dedicated to a family member (as well as being my local church), is where my great grandparents are buried, and we think was also where my oldest living relative (I think she is about 103 years old now) was married.

For me and my fiancé, we believe enough to get married in this particular church without feeling it it hypocritical. I have been trying to attend normal services when I can (fiancé currently lives 180miles away so rarely makes it).

Im not the original OP ?

The OP was asking why non religious people would marry in a church. I replied saying because for me marriage and church go hand in hand even though i am not religious. this is probs due to how i was brought up and that its 'traditional'. It may be hypocritical but thats just how i feel. i carnt see getting married without seeing a church.

Sorry Curley I though you were the original OP (obviously). My post is still relevant to you though - 'it's tradition' is NOT a valid argument, as it's only 'traditional' for Christians to get married in a church, Muslims and Hindus do not... I think your point would have more validity if you just said 'churches are pretty and I want pretty pictures'! At least it's honest, and true. Still hypocritical though!

There are lots of pretty hotels and grounds I could marry in aswell. I agree Hindus and Muslims don't marry in a church but that's not the culture so is not a traditional thing for me. It is a traditional thing to marry in a church, for me anyway.

I resent the comment that I want to marry in a church for the pretty photos. I don't see why your photos are any prettier because of a church in the background (usually only the wall aswell)!

In fact I'm actually OFFENDED by it!

And I've already said It may be hypocritical but I don't care. Marriage = church for me so that's where I'm marrying. My reverend doesn't have a problem with it so I don't see what difference it makes to you

We had the Jewish version of this - a civil ceremony with a blessing afterwards, and the blessing was more of a family tradition than a religious thing anyway. I couldn't have got married in a synagogue at the time, it wouldn't have felt right making my vows supposedly in the presence of God and making promises to a God that I didn't believe in. I would have felt like a fraud.

I'M condescending you say? ?

FYI, here is what I wrote:

"If you don't believe in god then you are essentially making the same vows as you do in a civil service but with some added, irrelevant frilly bits." Which is pretty much the same as "to an atheist there are irrelevant bits in a church wedding ceremony", no? Perhaps you need to pay greater attention to what you read. ?

My guests are somewhere between 90-100% non-religious, so yes, to them, a church service would be tedious.

So the OP drops the bomb and buggers off?! not sure why this old chestnut of a debate was kicked off again... it's one sure fire way to start an arguing thread ... that and the whole "no kids at weddings". at the end of the day it's no one else's business who gets married where and does not affect anyone else really ... I see both points to this and am nodding and "hmmming" like a loon....at most ... people will always disagree and that's what makes a forum interesting and varied.

in terms of offensive comments ... people are flippant on here everyday ... why can't someone be flippant about religion? because it's more offensive than being judgemental about dress style, food choice or those lovely (!) begging for money poems?!

... everyone knows religion and politics will cause a row in any group...

Marriage and religion go hand in hand- (not church) In my opinion anyway... Wouldn't want to offend any non-believers!

im religious but not getting married in a church.... We have a civil service followed by a blessing!

The civil service will be to be the 'frilly bit' we'll do the bare minimum what's required by law sign the paper work and leave! It's a formality that's all I see it has!

the blessing is the most important part to me where we will do out vows and exchange rings and all the fancy stuffy and make our marriage real!

i understand everyone is different but it's very annoying when others play down something that it obviously very dear to my heart and seem to take it for granted by just doing it because they can! However it doesn't offend me in the slightest... Their actions do not make my vows before God less important and that's all that matters!

Just wanna say my piece on this,

marriage in its conception was about property or a peace truce between tribes. It was later religion that took it under its wing and gave it more solidarity and meaning. Henry VIII thou start the breaking state away from religion when he wanted to divorce a wife on selfish grounds. Nowadays most marriages are about union, what is mine is yours to share. But there are still some marriages based on property ( Something that should be stopped, thank the charities that stop those) and in our little corner of the world whenever its a religious or humanist marriage is about union, surely whatever matter the makeup of the ceremony, we should be happy we can make these choices.

I think you just need to be comfortable with your beliefs and happy with your choices.

At the end of the day the main reason we're all getting wed is love, and love is universal. If love isn't the reason for your marriage you might need to have a rethink.

x

Because I don't think it was misjudged.

Because I don't think it was misjudged.

?

(Where do I vote for "Most Unreasonable Hitcher"?)

?

OP here - sorry I didn't 'bugger off' I had to work and then it took me an age to read through all the comments! Lol. Anyway I 'dropped this bomb' as I haven't seen it discussed here since I became a member and was interested to know if anyone agreed with my opinion - I didn't intend to cause anything other than a healthy debate. I'm sorry if anyone has ended up offended or annoyed, that wasn't my aim.

I think there have been some very valid arguments made. As I said originally everyone is welcome to church by God but I just don't see why a non-believer would chose a church when there is such a wide range of venues available.

I think religion is a delicate subject and for some people their beliefs are very important so I'm sure everyone can understand why some comments may cause offense, even if they are not intended to.

At the end of the day the most important part of the ceremony is saying those vows and meaning them so I guess that's more important really then WHERE you say them

*runs in*

Actually, the most important part of the ceremony is saying the two legal declaratory statements (neither of which are vows or promises) and signing the register.

Everything else, of whatever flavour or form, is faff.

*runs out, cackling*

HAHA! Faff! Faff for all!

Agree with EF on this. I'm all for people having their own beliefs and opinions but don't like blatant displays of ignorance and disrespect.

In reply to the OP I do agree, don't understand why people have church weddings when they've no connection to the church or faith. My cousin blatantly used our local catholic church to get married in, they agreed with the priest that they'd bring their children up in the faith and as soon as they were married they laughed about the faith calling it boring etc, so disrespectful.