Not having a church wedding

We are getting married at the same location as the reception and you just contact the registrar of the county where the venue is based and then you also have to give notice in the county you reside.

I am not getting married in a church and will be having the ceremony and reception at the same venue-it saves worrying about travelling from one place to another.

i looked on our local council website and they had a list of approved venues to hold your service, i found a lovely place and we went with that one.

i dont feel im missing anything not being in a church, i dont feel a marriage HAS to be in a church, we are getting married for us not for god or anyone elses religious reasons...in fact i have found church wedings to be quite dull compared to other services i have been to

there are loads of gorgeous old buildings to get married in, or choose something totally different and decorate it yourself to make it your own??

I too will be a Mrs Smith lol I am getting married in a church and never thought i would as not very religious, but FIL is being ordained as a deacon and will take the service and hopefully will not push god down everyones throat... maybe you need to find a vicar or priest who accepts that you are not overly religious, my friend who is not religious at all had a vicar at her wedding because H2b refused to have a civil service. She mouthed the hymns, did not say amen or any of the other. another friend in scotland had a humanist wedding and although it was spiritual it was not godly, and they had fun readings and no hymns and it was a lovely service.

This is on my list of things to look into. When we buried both my Gran and Grandad they had humanist funerals, and I thought it was really special. As you said spiritual, but not regilous or overally officous.

then this is the exact reason why you shouldn't get married in a church. getting married in a church when you hate religion would be hypocritical. you wouldn't want to get married in a gurdwara if you didn't believe in sikhism (even though they are beautiful buildings), so why would you want to get married in a church if you didn't believe in the marriage service? i know you say you believe in god, but even so, if you got there without his help you can continue without it. i od think that anyone who gets married in a church under the eyes of god when they don't believe in it, is a hypocrite.

i had a civil ceremony in the hotel in which we got married. it was about 45 minutes long, we had two readings, 3 songs played while the register was being signed, and was more about me and mr bluewater becoming husband and wife and our love for each other than anything else. the vows we chose were really moving (we were given a few options to choose from).

i would call up your local council and ask to see the wedding ceremony vows so you can see what they are like. you can personalise the vows, choose readings, lots of things to make it your ceremony.

hth.

Churches are pretty but if you're not religious then I really don't see the big deal, the whole God thing comes with churches. I'm not religious, neither is my H2B, he wanted a church at first because it's what his Grandma expected, but I explained there was no chance I was doing things on our big day to please others, I don't believe in God therefore I don't want to marry in a church, same as when we have children, they wont be Christened.

There are MANY MANY more places available to marry in that are so pretty. We have chosen a castle, IMO it is so much better than a church. There are some stunning stately homes, posh hotels, gazebo venues etc around, you need to do lots of research, I spent days and days googling and researching venues before I found my castle.

Absolutely what Bluewater said - I had the option to get married in St Pauls Cathedral and both sets of parents were keen, but I knew OH and I didn't believe in God, and as he said "it would be cheating". I think it's insulting to people who DO believe to get married in church if you don't, and I also think it's not a happy precedent to make vows you don't believe in! A humanist ceremony would be very nice, but do look at some of the licensed buildings in the area you want to get married in (there should be a list on the Council's website) as there are a lot more options than a register office (even though personally I think some are lovely). The great thing about not getting married in church is that you can have everything in the same place - and I found that a lot easier on the day.

Totally agree with that. Friends of mine have been married in church because 'it looks pretty in the photos'! But there are so many venues that looks beautiful. Me and my OH have compromised on this. My family and I do go to church occasionally, but my OH doesn't believe in God. We are have a civil ceremony with a short blessing afterwards, which seems like a fair compromise! And our venue looks like a church anyway!

Sorry! Any excuse to *flash*!!

xx

Oof that's beautiful ilacit - where is it?

Thanks : ) St. Augustine's Priory, Bilsington, in Kent. x

We didn't want a registry office wedding, but at the same time didn't want a church wedding as we're not sure what we believe in terms of religion, so we looked at our local area's list of approved venues and booked the Guildhall Museum in Rochester - its got bags of history, is a stunning ceremony room and is different to boot!

Other approved ceremony venues included a couple of local castles! x

COCOCHIQUITA, you are thinking just like me. I think thats the end answer to get married at a nice location.

I've already had to change my mind once. I suppose deep down I just like tradition and a church is filled with tradition.

I think I really need to get out and see a few places, I've found some nice looking locations on the internet.

Could I just add that a Humanist ceremony in England and Wales isn't legal.

Really? We certainly had Humanist funerals. Did we break the law? We booked a local guy who was a humanist.

Confused now.

Or do you just mean that they cannot carry out a proper service and we still need a registrar as well as a humanist?

Yeah Humanist ceremonies aren't legally binding so you'll still need to go to a registry office. This is what we wanted to do: have the legal ceremony at the (admittedly naff and horrid) registry office down the road, then drive down to Cornwall the day after and have our humanist ceremony on the cliff top overlooking the beach. You can't have outdoor civil ceremonies anyway unless they have some sort of permanent structure like a gazebo which has a license. It's a big pain in the bum to be honest!!

Anyway, yes there are loads of very beautiful approved licensed venues, and as someone who does believe in God and would love a church wedding (if it wasn't for the very atheist husband-to-be!), it does grate at me when people get married in church just because it's a pretty building and costs less than a registrar.

There are loads of fantastic non-church venues available for weddings! We looked at an old Norman deconsecrated church (too small) a stately home (too expensive) a hotel (too impersonal) a golf club (you had to be a member) and a Watermill (not available in the evening) before finally booking a Brewery!

Any good venue will put you in touch with the registrars. The brewery have a pair from the local registry office who do most of the weddings for them, we just have to notify our local registrars for the Notices becaue it's a different town.