Not having a hen do and feeling guilty about it

Poor you sounds like you're feeling crap and no one needs that!

Question though - how far along in the planning is the hen do? If your bridesmaids have already organised it and then you've pulled out then I can see why they might be annoyed - from experience, organising a hen do is like herding cats, and some things paid for in advance. In this case it may be polite to go ahead but perhaps just explain to your BMs that you're knackered, stressed, and pleased can it just be as chilled out as possible.

However, if nothing has been organised, then certainly don't feel guilty about not having one. You don't have to, nobody else need feel upset by your lack of a hen do - it's not their hen do! Ride it out and any momentary annoyance from anyone who was keen for a party/likes buying willy straws will soon blow over.

(I'll just add that I didn't want a hen do, but was persuaded by my best mate on the basis that she could be trusted to not have stippers and the usual hen do 'stuff', and keep it civilised with fresh air and countryside. This might be a good compromise option for you as a chill out but with friends. :-))

Thanks! Nothing has been booked but I just feel like I've let her down. I was going to suggest maybe going to a spa the weekend before the wedding.

A spa sounds so much more chilled than a party - but if you don't want any of it, don't do any of it. :-) I'm coming more to the belief that us brides folk spend 90% of our time worrying what other people will think, and 10% enjoying the process; a hen do just does not need to be another thing to be stressing about! Have fun whatever you decide!

Stick to your guns! Hen nights are usually over rated, expensive, causes fall outs and at least one girl ends up in floods of tears over something stupid...avoid at all costs! I'm not having one for those very reasons and I feel that weddings are expensive enough for guests without asking people to stump up more money for a hen do too.

Hey lovelies,

such an an interesting thread, I felt a bit disappointed with my hen weekend but then after speaking to a recently married friend found that these things are rarely as good as they appear, her friend disappeared for the whole Friday evening on her hen as she slept with the stripper!!

hope you have a wonderful time at a spa xxx

They're usually an anti-climax!

I'm not having a big hen do! I hate them!

But my friends wanted to do something for me, so we're popping down to the beach where we live with prosecco on a sunny afternoon. Just chilled and relaxed!

I'm not having a hen do either as I hate all the fuss as well. At first my friends were dissapointed and tried to convince me quite a few times to change my mind. I did feel like I was letting them down, especially my MOH however you have to remember that it's your wedding / hen do and you have to go with what makes you happy.

There's enough stress planning a wedding without adding in feeling like you have to do something you don't really want to do. You could suggest just going for a meal or spa with you friend or a couple of really close friends if you wanted but don't feel pressured into doing something if you don't want to. People do get over it in the end as ultimately they are your friends and want the best for you

Since hen dos organised by others are suppose to be a suprise I have no idea how you can say things arent already planned/booked as you wouldnt have knowledge of it

Not all hen do's are surprises - for example my MOH asked me straight away if I had any idea what I'd want to do. Also, I would expect the friend to have said, I've already got things planned or organised. From the sounds of it, it doesn't appear that a date was agreed so I'm not sure how people could plan the hen do without knowing when the bride would be available.

I'm feeling quite comforted that there are so many brides who don't want to bother with this hen do malarkey. ?

I am actually having a hen party, but would be quite fine without one. My bridesmaids got excited as I'm the first getting married, so I agreed they could plan something as long as they keep it low key.

Apparently we're doing facials, followed by afternoon tea, followed by wine tasting, so a nice girly day really.

Hi just had my hen weekend this weekend. I was really worried about it that it would be rubbish and nobody would come, but it was fantastic, all of the girls are still laughing about stuff that happened even now. But each to their own, I don't get out much these days so was nice to just get and blow off the cobwebs :-)