Not Invited to a cousin's wedding when we've invited them

It's a bit of an awkward one to handle, but to be honest if you've only sent Save the Dates, and they haven't booked accommodation or anything, I think it's fine to send them a message saying that following their behaviour, it probably makes sense for them to not attend, as they clearly don't feel that close to you.

The chances are that if they have behaved like this, they probably wouldn't attend anyway. but it would be nice to know so that you could offer the space to friends that you would actually prefer to have there.

Maybe just say something like "Hey, hope you guys are well. Could you let us know if you were planning on coming, as it didn't feel like you were that interested in speaking to us when we saw you, although of course it was a potentially stressful situation"

See what they say, they might be really apologetic, they may have thought that a funeral wasn't the place to talk about a wedding, or they may just not be interested. Don't mention the fact that you haven't been invited to theirs, however I do agree with you, and it's something I'm taking into consideration as I write my own guest list. Weddings are expensive, and an element of reciprocation is only fair in my opinion, especially when you are getting married so close together. It's different if one couple married years ago and you have grown closer or more apart in that time.

Find out (calmly!) and then you can move on. If the worst comes to the worst and they kick off, just don't send them an invite! If they don't know details, they can't turn up!

Good luck! X

Were they very close to the person whose funeral it was? Could they have been so upset at their loss that they never even saw you? Maybe they weren't ignoring you but just grieving.

I have to say they sound exceedingly rude and I would be very annoyed.

However, as others have said, it's best to give them the benefit of the doubt just in case they were very upset at the funeral.. and maybe they are having a teeny tiny wedding and can't invite extended family...? I mean, from what you've said it seems unlikely, but it's still best to give the benefit of the doubt so that you don't end up looking like the rude one in front of the rest of the family!

I agree with the person above me who said ask them nicely and casually if they're still interested in coming. That way you will have kept the rest of the family happy by offering to invite them, and hopefully they'll say no (or not reply!!) and then you can free up a place for someone better, or save some cash. If they come back all apologetically and say they do want to come, and start being nice, then great! And if they accept the invitation and carry on being rude then... well it's a bummer but at least you will look like the graceful one and they'll have to buy you a wedding present ?

Hi,

Thanks for replies everyone.

They were close but it wasn’t grief as they had been talking to others openly and happily about the wedding, and had seemed very jovial. I did take this into consideration, I’m not a total monster ha.

I think for me it was the lack of acknowledgement when I spoke to them and actually wished them well. Need my H2B to make a decision whether it’s tradition that he wants them there for or he actually wants them there. Wish me luck ha ha!!

You could just send them an evening invite instead? You don't need to give any explanation that way and avoids the awkward situation of uninviting them.

If it's only Save the Dates you have sent, you don't really have to worry about sending them an invitation. A Save the Date is more of a notification than an invite anyway. If anyone asks why they didn't receive an invitation to the wedding/evening, just tell them numbers were limited - leave it at that.

Good luck!

I suspect their ignoring you at the funeral is because they feel awkward at not inviting you to their wedding.

You could just send all the cousins evening invites instead.