Not inviting children

We're not inviting children either. Initially my OH's parents did question it but as soon as it was clear that it wasn't up for negotiation it wasn't really mentioned again.

Everyone else was very understanding and supportive from the beginning.

Chances are that you're going to be made to feel guilty about something somewhere along the way, so don't guilt yourself into submission unnecessarily. It's pretty impossible to keep everyone happy, so stick by whatever decisions you've made as a couple and if anyone asks, don't give the impression that it's something you're willing to discuss budging on. Assuming of course you actually still feel that way- don't stick with a no children rule just to be stubborn if you're actually open to the idea ?

This is always a tricky one. I had considered in myself after attending a wedding where the children ran riot and generally meant us adults couldn't enjoy any of the entertainment for fear of stepping on a floor sliding child. However, after attending a wedding where entertainment was provided for children I changed my mind (we also have a 2 year old and felt hypocritical having her but none others, we also have a lot of nieces and nephews who).

Do whatever makes you happy!!

Hi i'm a new poster too : ) We're not having a "no children" day ourselves as we have don't have too many children within our friends/family circle. You shouldn't feel bad about it as it's your day and your reasons for inviting them are reasonable. I would also prefer to have my friends there instead of children I'm not clcose to taking up the spaces. You're also realistic in that some people won't be able to attend due to issues with childcare, not agreeing with the decision etc.

However, my piece of advice is to be really clear to the people who do have children that they aren't invited. My H2b has two friends who he doesn't see that often now but was once very close to, he hasn't met any of their 3 children but attended their wedding so wanted to invite them to ours. We addressed the save the date just to the couple, we didn't include the kids names. However, we are due to send the official invites out soon so H2B got in contact with them to check that they still wanted to come and it turns out they assumed their 3 children were invited. When H2B apologised and said that we weren't intending to invite them they said they had made plans to go on holiday the day after our wedding in the area where the wedding is being held. So in order not to offend them, make them change their holiday plans he has agreed to the children attending. However, it means that 3 spaces that could've gone to some of his friends are taken by the children he's never met. I guess it's his own fault for not being clear with them beforehand.

So I would say maybe speak to everyone you're inviting who has children individually to make sure they're aware.

We've done the same for similar reasons to you. Before I sent out the 'save the date' cards I contacted all of the affected couples and sold it to them on the basis of (a) you have a year to sort out childcare (b) it's an adult event (ie sit down 5 course meal) and the kids will be bored (c) it's a chance for you and OH to have some together time without kids. Everyone bought into this and all except one couple (who would have genuinely struggled with childcare because of age of kids/distance) are coming.

I always thought I wanted a no children wedding, but we ended up not specifying. We are having a sit down, five course dinner, and the only children attending are Mr Ash's niece and nephew. The others are being left with sitters or their au pair.

As a parent, I wouldn't have an issue with my kids not being invited. I'd jump at the chance at a child free night.

If we'd have had a big wedding, I wouldn't have had kids there. I don't like other peoples kids.

We're not having kids, just our own 4 year old son. Reason being is cost - there are another 7 kids in the family, 5 of which I never see, so can't justify spending an extra £100 on food. Tight maybe but hey ho, it's our day. Not sure how the parents feel yet x

We're not having kids, just our own 4 year old son. Reason being is cost - there are another 7 kids in the family, 5 of which I never see, so can't justify spending an extra £100 on food. Tight maybe but hey ho, it's our day. Not sure how the parents feel yet x

I didn't have children at my wedding, people will always have something to say but it's your day and I wouldn't worry about upsetting other people, they aren't worrying about upsetting you! It doesn't make you a monster, try and not be sensitive about the issue x

Wow, I'm surprised by the responses here. I don't have kids but do have a very tight knit family and wouldn't have dreamed of leaving kids off the list, although we only had 7 in total. I do understand it, but I know most people couldn't have their kids looked after all day (and then overnight) particularly when their usual support network was also at the wedding !

Personally I have 2 opinions. The first time I got married I had my 3 year old cousin saying she needed a wee half way through the ceremony so I could have done without that but I am very family orientated so not having kids there wouldnt be my thing. I will have a 2 month old niece or nephew at my wedding and I am terrified of them screaming or crying through the ceremony but I just have to hope they are asleep. Also a cousin of mine got married about 6 months ago and didn't invite children so few people didn't turn up because of that. But saying that, it is your wedding and its your choice and people should respect that.

We aren't having any children at ours except the OH nieces (who are flower girls). Even then they are being picked up by their other grand parents before the evening starts.

We haven't had anyone decline (yet!) due to this, but we are getting married in the city where we live and probably 85% of the guests to do so for many it doesn't have to be an overnight stay if they don't want to. We didn't put it on the STDs (although they were only addressed to the people invited) but did mention it to friends with kids when we saw them so it wasn't a surprise when the invitation came.

It's not too late to change your mind, if that's what you want to do, but do what is right for you and your OH.

A close friend had a no children wedding and my baby sitter fell through at late notice meaning I couldn't go (he was only a few months old so I couldn't exactly leave him with a wide range of people either) and the friend has not forgiven me for not attending her wedding and we are no longer friends... So my only advice is if you make it no children please accept that a couple of people may end up missing through lack of any other choice and try and be ok with it! It's not worth loosing friends over

It is a difficult one and lots of views have already been given. You have to do what's right for you and accept that some people might not like your choice. But, what you absolutely have to do is make your decision and stick to it. If you start to allow so and so to bring their son because he'll be upset if he doesn't come, then what will do about thingummybob whose two children really don't like being away from mummy etc etc. Just start as you mean to go on. If people get upset, let them, they'll get over it.

As we're family only we are having kids; 3 nieces on R's side and a niece and nephew on mine (all aged 5-7) plus my sixteen year old nephew who we're letting loose with a camera alongside the photographer to give him some experience of an event.

No other children in our immediate family so no biggie. If we had a slightly larger venue and could invite a few close friends we'd be adding a baby but not a problem for us.

TBH I don't have kids nor have I or we much interest in having them, but its nice for the kids to be involved.

That said, we're in a very relaxed 'family' setting so there are no bridesmaids, tableplans or any that faff, plus there's a room where the weens can go off to and play if they're bored with exploring the house and garden.

I can fully understand if you're having a large event - you just have to insist and make it very clear I guess.

Oh G12, that's awful! You can't have it both ways, those that choose no children have to accept the possible consequences

Yes, we're not having children to the wedding. Aside from the fact that we are anti children, my h2B is from a very large family. Even if we said to only invite family children, there would be 70 kids there. We are inviting 80 adults. If we allowed all kids to come we'd easily have over 100 kids in attendance and it's not a bloody kids party.

As for 'keeping everyone happy' - DON'T!! It's yours and your OHs wedding, you do what makes you both happy and if people make comments, so what? If they can't come, then so be it.

@ Little_MrsA2B

70 - that must be one huge family - I'd have a very different approach under those circs.

You're right though, its their day and should be their way.

We had to have no children as it would have added 25-30 extra in numbers for the meal and we are already almost at maximum capacity without kids. We have caved slightly and said children can come to the evening and we are allowing 3 babies during the day as they don't add to the capacity and they are all very little and live more than 100 miles away so we couldn't realistically expect their parents to come without them. I hope this doesn't backfire and people don't take the huff!

Those who go in a strop over their kids not being invited need to understand that brides and grooms sometimes have to say no to kids for genuine reasons i.e. numbers and not because they personally dislike their kids or are child-haters.

We have gone for a half way point really - having my nephew and OH cousins and also allowing babies under 1 but stated that due to limited numbers we couldn't invite children however also said we may have spaces in May when we have rsvp's back so to contact us then and we will do our best (the same rule applied to plus ones unless we know both/they won't know anyone there)

So far our friends with children haven't had an issue with it - mixture of yes I get a night without the kids and others accepting we might not know - but they are added onto the reserve list.

We have had more backlash to our plus one policy!!!! You will see it a lot on here - you cannot keep everyone happy when it comes to a wedding so learning to allow things to be like water off a ducks back is key!

We had no children other than family at our wedding, but ours was on a weekday in termtime so most people were quite happy with the idea. It did mean that one person couldn't come as her daughter fell ill, but in those circumstances, she probably wouldn't have come even if children had been allowed so no problem there.

However, we did have children at the reception and I think I danced with every single one of them!!

The only advice I would give you is that if you make that decision you may have to accept that some people will be unable to attend, or will not want to attend without their children. Don't let it become a problem, just accept that you will be missing a few guests because of your choice and don't blame them for their choice.

why can't a 9 year old boy be bothered about a wedding?? my son is 10 and ADORES weddings. he's often picked his outfit long before i have mine like any adult, he loves the excitement and festivities and he's always honoured at being special enough to the couple that he's included.

OP- as everyone else has said, do what is right for YOU, but be as accepting of the responses as you hope they will be of your choice.

i've missed two weddings due to lack of childcare and both brides were very understanding, which helped a lot with the guilt i felt at missing their days

No, not at all. no entertainment provided whatsoever. just chat. all the adults always chat to the children, involving them. my children have been brought up with mostly adults as friends, so they like being with adults. they certainly wouldn't get up or throw a tantrum during the dinner/sppeches because they a. know that would be exceedingly rude, and b. have a genuine interest in the day.

they love weddings- i don't get why that's odd?

We don't want children for many similar reasons to the other posters - we don't have any and we don't have any nieces or nephews so any children would be cousins or friends, it would mean we could invite less friends, and they make a noise and a mess. However, to the people we really cared about we said, if you can't get childcare or you would rather bring them then you are welcome to. None of them are, they are all enjoying a child free weekend away.

We had one reply from a cousin who we don't really know saying 'sorry we all can't make it love from tim and amy and jessie and billie and bella' or whatever their names may be....(the small children) - this felt like they were making the point that they weren't invited. But we didn't want them to come anyway, it was a family obligation to invite them, so it was fine!

If we had children or if we had nieces or nephews we would invite them, but what is the point in inviting children you don't even know?

One thing I think is important is to be honest about the reason and not lie or make excuses and say it is down to venue restrictions etc if it is not. we said something along the lines of 'we have decided to opt for a child free wedding. We hope this does not inconvenience you too much'

@ MrsBW what is "eating adult food"

Not meaning this to sound like a go at you, because its not meant that way.

When I was a kid I ate the same food as everyone else as do my nieces and nephews now - in fact they love trying new things. They're also patient about waiting to leap around like a maniac to music a little later on (I have this from my FSIL attending weddings with them). They might get a bit bored and want to go off and play for a bit but that's kind of what being a 5-7 year old is about.

Isn't the opinion that there is a distinction between 'adult food' and otherwise part of the problem?

Despite there only being 6 children and no specific entertainment for them at my wedding, they had a wonderful time. My cousins eldest was in awe at being at a wedding, she'd been excited for ages! The children in my family enjoy spending time with the adults and don't run around or misbehave, it was lovely to have them there too, and I'm by no means good with kids

We toyed with not having children there but I like kids, they'll add something to our day and it will be nice to have them around. But that is very much a personal decision and I wouldn't judge anybody who didn't want kids at their wedding.

Yes, there are LOADS of them! He's one if 6 and his dad is one of 12, his mum one of 7... All the cousins have kids too. It just goes on and on. And then there's our friends kids.... There's just no way we can cater for children.

Mind you, even if there were only 10 kids, we still wouldn't have them I don't think.

WOW! I'm bowled over by all the replies here, thank you so much everyone for taking the time to respond.

Reading everyone's thoughts has made me feel so much better about things. We're sending our save the dates by email so I've been putting little messages with them anyway, but for those with children I'll make sure to explain everything upfront and hope they understand. I'm horrified that some people have copped attitude themselves from brides when they couldn't get any childcare - we have an inkling that a couple may not be able to make it for those reasons and there's no way I'd hold it against them - if anything I'd be the one feeling guilty for putting them in the position that they couldn't come. We talked earlier about relaxing the rules nearer the time if numbers allowed and there were people who otherwise wouldn't be able to come, but I'm not sure if that's such a good idea as people might then be annoyed that there's some children there and not others.

Thanks again everyone, what a lovely bunch you are! Look forward to chatting with you more over the next few months!

Im hvaing my own children and nieces and nephews at my wedding. we arnt invting any cousins or feinds childre and most people have accepted this happily. the decision not to have friends children at the wedidng was because my MOH said she woudl prefer hers were (n her having children were the only reason others ewere going to be invited) but as stated already you will have to accept some wont be able to make it due to childcare...although with enough notice it should be able to be arranged. good luck only worry about pleasing yourself and H2B