Not that I'm ungrateful, but...

Hahaha I love this post! I seem to be doing something old, something new, borrowed and blue accidentally because my shoes are blue and I decided to wear the pearls that my mum wore at her wedding (cheaper than buying them myself), and my mum is pointing out each thing that I add which follows the tradition, not that I mind because each thing is something that I wanted without realising what it might symbolise!

When I went veil shopping with my mum and MIL the lady I bought my veil from happened to sell garters too and my mum asked me what I'm doing about a garter, I told her I wasn't having one and then they both went on to say that it's supposed to be a gift anyway, so one of them is bound to buy me one, but like you I won't be getting it out!

Other traditions we've not bought into are having button holes and cutting a cake, we've gone for a macaron tower as it's more to our taste... But my dad isn't overly happy with either of these decisions and has gone so far as to say that it's not a wedding without button holes and fruit cake! We're sticking to our guns with the button holes but are reluctantly buying a mini fruit cake for my dad just to keep the peace!

We broke almost every tradition. Even stayed the night before together and had breakfast on the wedding morning but I was given a six pence so ended up doing something borrowed etc and I was given a horse shoe which I gave hung up and a garter which I always said I wouldn't have! In all honesty you don't need to wear the horse shoe at all and no one will see the garter so just take it off when no one is looking! I wore mine and didn't notice if at all. When the day comes a horse shoe and garter won't make the difference and you may look back on them with fondness as I now do

I already know I don't want to do a garter or bouquet toss at my wedding and my partner agrees with both (possibly feeling even stronger about not doing a garter toss than me) but we had never even considered horseshoes or such like because none of our friends have had them.

I think ink I would not carry a horse shoe but may display it somewhere in the house until after the wedding if I was given one, equally if I was given a garter I would wear it I suppose but still not so the toss. I would then just pop both into a wedding box as keep sakes.

I don't know if anyone close to us hopes we'll stick to any special traditions but I guess they'll hint somehow as we get closer to the date.

Hope you find a solution everyone involved but mostly you and your OH are happy with ?

No matter how much people say, oh, it's YOUR day, I think inevitably they will always have some preconceived notion of what you should do. Like Emmy's dad, I don't think our choice of sponge cake went down too well with the older generation, and my mother nearly fell off her seat when I suggested hiring a cottage near the venue for the night before the wedding so she wouldn't have a million people crushed into her house on the morning of the wedding. "You mean you don't want to be married from home??? But...but..." (cue puppy dog eyes, etc.). Although amazingly, she's totally OK with OH staying with me all morning to get ready together...as long as he doesn't see me actually in the dress.

Upshot is, little compromises are inevitable...but it's OUR wedding so we get to pick our battles. Nothing horrific has been suggested so far, but it's early days so there's still time! No way am I throwing my beautiful expensive bouquet across a room or getting my legs out for all to see, though! ?

I'm with you ladies - VERY unlikely to be whipping the dress up to show off my pins to anyone.

So far, we've had no requests from the olds in any way or anyone else, but we are still over a year away from the big day - my mum & dad haven't really spoken about the day much, & neither of his parents mustered up the enthusiasm to even send us an engagement card either (I think this is because he's been married before & so they feel a bit 'been there done that' about it all)!

My friend made my other friend who got married in January a beautiful antique lace garter to wear, so if she does the same for me then I will wear it with pride but it won't be seen by anyone other than H2B. I have a vague recollection of a couple of horseshoes cropping up at my sister's wedding 13 years ago from various aunts actually, so maybe I'll get presented with one of those on the day itself!

The funny thing is he's only in his 40s so I don't know where he's got so many old fashioned ideas from, he and my mum had a bbq reception in my aunt's back garden!

And I'm totally with you on the throwing the bouquet point, I'm giving it to my mum for her to press in the hopes that it can be framed

It is funny what transpires when a wedding comes around.

I am apparently having horseshoes on the fruitcake my mum is making, this covers two things, one I really don't get the horseshoe thing I also find them unsightly, I keep thinking it's not my proper cake and she really put her foot down over a cake, however she's adding a moon which is something personal to me and OH - compromise there.

The garter, no one has mentioned it, so fingers crossed.

I am wearing a necklace my mum gave my to my grandma as it's a sapphire like my ER, and also getting married where my grandparents got married (my parents too) so felt right, so that's the new, old and borrowed in one swoop

The invitations - this one I understood more, but, we ended up selling our original invites because it just said come to a wedding, not, my parents are hosting the wedding. So, new ones were ordered, me and OH went through (well me and occasionally showing him a picture) got it down to 5, and showed my mum the 5 but she knew I had a favourite so picked that one, and we wrote the wording together. Yes apparently using a small "A" or a capital "A" matters on certain lines - who knew.

Again similar to previous posters I am keeping my bouquet, but am throwing one of the BM's - she's given me permission too, which means no sneaking.

I am totally with you on this one. I'm not specifically doing the old, new, borrowed, blue. I'm sure I'll have old and new things naturally, but I hate borrowing things and I can't imagine where blue would come in to it.

I hate the idea of wearing a garter. I won't be wearing tights so I just imagine it would be really irritating me all day, and who's even going to see it?!

And I think horseshoes are just a bit naff and dated. I know my MIL got one for her niece at the last wedding we were at so I hope she doesn't do the same for me, otherwise I'll be leaving it behind somewhere.

You don't have to wear it- maybe just keep them both as wedding keepsakes.

The thought was there from them both- my grandma got my a blue garter, which I will be wearing (but will definitely not be taken off with the groom's teeth at the reception- I think that's a bit of a 90's thing!). I wasn't going to buy myself one, but she got me it so I'm grateful.

I've had no specific requests for traditions, although a few people have been upset that there will be no fruit cake. My mom has made me a blue garter which covers two bases, I hadn't even thought of it until she presented it to me (it's a lovely idea so I don't mind). The idea of fish and chips also was a shock for a lot of the 'oldies' as they wanted a sit down three course which was a no no from the start with us.

I think the most traditional part of our wedding is the church to be honest!

I think just smile and nod and appear grateful and noone need know about the garter..... The horseshoe maybe slightly more difficult though as i doubt you have anywhere in your dress to hide it...

I'm having a garter but only as my cousin is making it for me as she works in Bridal anyway and it'll have blue in it which matches my colour scheme and my something blue. I certainly wont be showing off my legs or letting OH take it off with his teeth, i may even take it off before the evening reception.

I went to a wedding where they put the horeshoes they'd been given next to the cake... I dont overly like the horseshoes either to be honest bur that might be a compromise so not to upset anyone thats given it to you - we will probably do that if we are given any x

I don't get the garter or horseshoe thing either. I don't think I'm very traditional. Well, apart from the ivory dress but that was a complete accident.

My one concession to the "Old, new, borrowed, blue" think is a blue stud in my ear. I have two piercings in one ear and one in the other so I'm going for blue in the spare. My mam thought she'd get me a lovely soft blue but if I'm doing blue, I'm doing BLUE. Like electric blue.

I had a garter it went on just before I walked up the aisle and was round my ankle as I walked back up so it came straight off! Do what you want try not to let others dictate your day. People thought we were strange because we didn't have speeches or give gifts hello I'm the bride I'm not giving people whose clothing and shoes I paid for another gift!

I will probably do the garter toss. I know it's not as popular as it once was, but to me it's just a bit of fun and I like the idea of incorporating a little tradition here and there. We will definitely not be trying to make it into anything sexy though, and I will not be lifting up my dress. We'll probably choose a piece of music that makes it a little more light-hearted and appropriate for children I've seen it done once before at a wedding that was held in a gorgeous hotel ballroom right in the center of the city. The bride wore a ball gown so she just sat down on a chair and the groom reached up and took it off. They didn't try to put on a big display, which might have been awkward. Her dress was big enough that there was no need to have any legs on display because he could reach it without needing to lift the dress. To me personally the garter does not have any sentimental value though, so I wouldn't spend a lot of money to buy a fancy one. I did order a throwing bouquet to use for the bouquet toss.

I don't care about seeing my fiance before the wedding. It's going to be a struggle figuring out the room assignments for our guests so I was happy for us to just stay in same room both nights to make the logistics a little easier. He wants his night with the groomsmen though, so we'll just have to figure out how to make it work.

When it comes to the gifts from your mum and MIL - are you just ambivalent to these traditions and don't the see the point, or do you really not like them? If it's a tradition that bothers you or makes you feel uncomfortable, definitely don't do it. But if it's just ambivalence it might be a nice gesture to use the horseshoe and garter on the day. These traditions are probably important to them since they went through the trouble of buying these gifts, so if you don't have a personal objection to it, it might be worth it just to make them happy.

Hahaha! Pooba your post me laugh! I'm with you on this one, a nice sentiment but probably abit pointless to you and OH if it's not a tradition you're set on. Nice thought from the parents though. I have no idea what I would do if someone git me one. Wear it as an arm band maybe?!

There will be no sexy time in front of the old relatives! I had no idea the groom was supposed to take off the garter I just assumed it was another bridal accessory like jewellery etc.

shows how clued up I am eh

:-)

I haven't even thought about a garter but I know that I definitely don't want one! The dress I have my eye on is satin and figure hugging so it would show through.

I also don't want to do the bouquet toss. Firstly, my bouquet is costing £90 and there is no way I am chucking that! Secondly, I would like it boxed and framed as a keepsake. My third reason is I went to a wedding before I was engaged and they made all of the "unmarried and unengaged" women stand on one side with everyone watching whilst the bride tossed the bouquet. I was absolutely mortified as I felt like an old spinster that no one wanted to marry! Needless to say, I didn't try too hard to catch the bouquet and tried to hide at the back! That experience has definitely put me off it!

With the horseshoe, I have seen really pretty ones you can buy and have on your wrist or with your bouquet? I wouldn't mind one of those but I wouldn't want to carry a black, ugly one! X

Wow, FutureMrsSmith2017, that sounds horrible! I've been to weddings where the bride throws the bouquet, but it was (generally) a bit of a laugh and for those who wanted to join in - there a couple of blokes who wanted in on the last one!

I doubt I'll be doing a bouquet toss. If there actually was magic power and it worked, I know I'd give my bouquet to a very close friend who I wish was engaged to her long term partner... but alas, it's all honky tonk and if I deliberately handed the flowers to her it would get a little awkwardsaurus.

MrsP2Be86 [sorry, I don't know how to quote you directly ? - "When it comes to the gifts from your mum and MIL - are you just ambivalent to these traditions and don't the see the point, or do you really not like them? If it's a tradition that bothers you or makes you feel uncomfortable, definitely don't do it. But if it's just ambivalence it might be a nice gesture to use the horseshoe and garter on the day. These traditions are probably important to them since they went through the trouble of buying these gifts, so if you don't have a personal objection to it, it might be worth it just to make them happy."

It's more that I'm ambivalent and don't see the need in wasting the money. The garter I'm less fussed about because, in theory, no one will see it and as suggested, I'll just sneak it off at some point and keep as a memory. The horseshoe is much more obvious. I'll probably have it up in the house when she arrives for the wedding and then 'forget to take it with me' - oh no, what a pity, never mind. Ha ha, a bit like the giant inflatable penis my SIL got me for my hen party - she wanted me to drag it around Bournemouth with me all night so I just left it at home...!!

Alternatively, I'll ask my OH to gauge how fussed she is about it and take it from there.

Interesting how we all make compromises and/or do things we wouldn't necessarily choose to do ourselves.

I like some traditions. I'll probably do the 'something borrowed' etc thing as I've always heard of that and thought that was cute. That's pretty much it though. I think it's the bride's prerogative to pick and choose between traditions - there are so many so it's not unreasonable to not want to do them!

I'm seeing my husband to be before the wedding too - we're going to do a 'first look' moment with the wedding party around, photographed of course. Then we'll do the formal wedding party photos, then the ceremony. It just suits us better; means we can take more time on the formal photos without having loads of guests waiting for us, and means we can enjoy a few moments together before the ceremony. However of know a lot of people dislike that idea (i think it's popular in America).

Cake tower instead of cupcakes... I'll have a garter (at the request of my fiancé!) but probably will only slip it on that evening as it'll annoy me otherwise... Won't do the bouquet toss as I hate that moment at weddings myself... Never actually heard of horse shoes etc!

Howrver, if my mum really wanted me to do some sort of tradition that was important to her, if it didn't really bother me much either way, is probably do it - little things can make people really happy

Fruit cake! Definitely, I hate fruit cake. But after many conversations the bottom tier of my cake (the biggest flipping part) will be fruit 'cos the Groom says so :'( I wanted lemon and chocolate and something super fancy ?.

I'm not doing the something new, old, borrowed, blue - well I will have the new, and maybe blue.

I don't know of anyone who still follows the garter and horseshoe tradition, I forgot they exsist.

I'm keeping my bouquet - it costs £80-120 quid, I'm not chucking the thing!

First dance - may have to but I really don't want to! :'( not a centre of attention kind of girl!

Hmm looking at above, I'm thinking I'm not much of a traditionalist.

I would not be able to handle that. I had to make it very clear to my sister I didn't want any penis props for my hen do. I don't think my MOH would take it very seriously even if I told her so I asked my sister to please keep her under control lol.

If you don't mind me asking, what is the horseshoe tradition exactly? I don't know why but I guess I never imagined it being a full sized horseshoe, but your description makes it sound like it is. What do you do with it all day?

Horseshoes are an old-fashioned good luck symbol (some people say that they were a symbol of fertility), so they are often given as gifts to the bride! The only way in which they feature is that brides are often photographed with them as they are presented to her just after the ceremony!

I didn't do a horse show but did something borrowed etc other then the 6 pence thing - my shoes weren't the easiest to walk in let alone with a coin in!

I did have a garter but my husband bought it for me and I loved it - had a mini whiskey hit flask in it! I wasn't planning on a bouquet toss but did one as it was a hot day and we were going on honeymoon the flowers were wilting so just decided to do it! I still have my garter and cherish it!

Haha, this post made me laugh! I had a garter which I ditched, along with the suspender belt and stockings, as soon as we got to our reception venue. Never again! One of my guests slipped a horse shoe over my wrist which was nice, as I wasn't expecting it - and it was a real horseshoe, not one of those crappy plastic ones.

We upset MIL by not getting married in a church and OH nearly swayed but we had both agreed we wanted a humanist ceremony as it's more 'us'. Eventually she got over it and I think actually enjoyed the ceremony!

It's difficult but got to let them feel they are helping somehow. Just 'forget' to take them with you if you really don't want them!

I soooooo just read this as it was typed!!! Throwing a bridesmaid?!!!!!! Then re read it again and cleaned my lunch off my monitor! ????

I cant wear a garter with my outfit so thats out but I would love a horseshoe ? I would hang it in my house but we live in the country and love all things country (I have half a horse cart in my livingroom lol) but I doubt anyone would get me anything like that because people round here dont do gestures like that ☹️

if you dont want to use them then dont though, its your wedding ?

HAHAHA! That is fantastic! There was a thread about new trends, maybe this is one. Through a bridesmaid into a sea of men.

I actually spat my lunch out laughing!! My 1st thought was: "bloody hell! What a very brave bridesmaid!" ??? I'm still PMSLing about it now!!

Would make a fab photo! Bridesmaid flying through the air with the thumbs up! ?

Glad it's not just my brain that reacts by conjuring up all these images lol.

???? certainly not just you! I'm going to be sitting on a bus in 2 days time, remember this thread and burst out laughing like a nutter!

Is it a bird...is it a plane...No it's the bridesmaid!

Does whoever catches get to keep her. Or is that classed as bridesmaid trafficking??