Offended my future sister in law already

Stick to your guns. This is your's and your OH's wedding, not anyone else's. If she was the Mum I'd suggest explaining how important it is that you have the women you've chosen as BMs etc, and that you're sorry you can't include the children. However, as she's just the aunt I'd just ignore it!

I wouldn't say a thing. This is hear say and not worth worrying over. IMHO 4 bridesmaids is enough and where do you stop? I'm having my daughter and my h2b's granddaughter who will be 12. I'm not having her sister gorgeous as she is as she'll only be two. Stick to what you want, but unless anything is said direct to you, I'd keep quiet.

Say nothing. To begin with it's something you've heard and not something that's been said directly to you - always a problem for possible misinterpretation.

Secondly, it's her problem not yours - you chose your bms for very good reasons and should never feel pressured to have more.

Thirdly, they aren't her children so it's nothing to do with her - let her keep her nose out!

If she says something, state your case and stick to it. If she doesn't, then say nothing at all.

You can't alter your wedding everytime someone makes a passing comment (which will happen a lot!) so i'd just ignore it.

^^This! I have learned in just two short months of being engaged that if I changed my plans every time family made a comment I would be tying myself in knots. I have a thicker skin now and tend to ignore the stream of comments (too far, too late, too near Christmas blah blah blah). I am only having two bridesmaids (my two step daughters to be) and FSIL got the hump as I wasn't having her daughter as a bridesmaid too. But then his mum got the hump as I'm not having an elvis impersonator so you have to draw the line somewhere......

Of course you are not being mean. Bridal parties eat up the budget quite apart from the fact its your day. I have 8 nephews and none are pageboys.. My sister is a bridesmaid and hasnt batted an eyelid that her boys arent pageboys. When my sister was married my children werent in the bridal party either.....again it wouldnt have even occured to me to be offended. Some people eh.

If your step daughter mentions it again, tell her that if you had more bridesmaids it would feel like less of a special role. If you do find out that the nieces want to be bridesmaid, consider giving them a different role in the day to make them feel included.

I am only having my sister as bridesmaids, but we did find out about 6 months into planning that OHs 13 year old half sister was hoping to be bridesmaid. If we had let her it would have been complicated as there are other people I would have chosen before her, and she doesn't live close by so would have been a logistical nightmare. We instead asked her if she wanted to do one of the readings at the ceremony, and she was to excited about that.

Depending on the age of the nieces, they could give out confetti or wedding programs if they are too young to do a reading

I have a similar situation with my cousin's 2 children. I was a BM at my cousin's wedding, but I already have FOUR BMs AND 3 flower girls so there was simply no way to have them as well.

Instead, we are having the girls help out with some of the usher duties: handing out the order of service and confetti. As my mum really wanted them to be involved, she's paying for a couple of dresses that will match (but are different from) my BM dresses.

I don't mind them being involved and they will be a real help, so it's not an issue for me, but if that's not the case for you, don't feel you have to involve them

x

Not quite the same but I chose my sister and 2 friends as BMs. My H has 2 nieces and 2 nephews who I hadn't wanted involved. H's Dad made a couple of passing comments about how they would like to be involved. So I caved in and had them all but I didn't hire suits I just bought the boys an M&S outfit (£30 each) and the girls a party dress (£25 each) which were the same colour as the BMs. In some pictures it does look a bit OTT having 3 adult BMs 3 ushers a best man 2 'page-boys' and 2 'flower girls' however it kept everyone happy and I can truly say on the day I didn't notice. However I had the money to add them in and the parents knew that if they didn't want to play a role on the day they didn't have to. I think you and your OH should come to a decision and stick to it. I know I didn't but it did mean more to my H to have them so I was happy as he was happy.

Thank you all for your input. My OH has said that one of the girls wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid anyway, at 16 she would think it wasn't very cool and as their mum isn't offended by me not asking I'm worrying about nothing. It isn't like me to worry about something so small I think I just want everything to be perfect and go well. Oh well back to being my usual thick skinned self it is

Glad it's all sorted!

Your day, your way. Glad it is now all sorted