Old friend for bridesmaid dilemma

If it was the other way round and it was her that was getting married and she didn't ask you how would you feel??

At the end of the day, it is up to you but your H2B is right, it is tough to un-ask someone. Does your friend really needs to be a bridesmaid? Perhaps you could ask her to be a witness or do a reading instead?

It may just be the way your post is worded, but your post suggests that neither of you bothered when the contact dried up? If that's the case, you may still be hurt that you didn't speak for that length of time, but you probably should assess whether you might be partly responsible for that. If you sent her texts/emails/phonecalls and she never replied, that's one thing, but if neither of you made an effort then it's different.

Regardless, it does sound like she is trying to make up for not being in touch, and inviting her to be a bridesmaid could be a nice way to start again.

When I first started planning I was in the exact same situation! We had been friends since she moved in next door to us when we were about 10 but we went to different secondary schools and then seperate sixth forms so we both had different friendship groups and we drifted apart. She then moved away to uni so we didn't see each other. However when she found out I was pregnant she was very enthusiastic and again when we got engaged. Sometimes I think our friendship dissolved because we had run out of common interests! I debated for a while over whether to ask her or not but decided in the end I would and I'm so glad I did! Although she's still away at uni we facebook message eachother all the time with ideas and plans and she's been so much help!

As previously said, if she was getting married would you expect to be asked to be her bridesmaid?

I think if you've had the break in friendship and only just got things back on an even keel I wouldn't bother. You chose your bridesmaids when you weren't friendly. As h2b says if the renewed friendship isn't right it will be hard to unmask her. You might be better to say nothing until nearer the time and then ask her to be a witness or do a reading. They are easy jobs to give to someone else if he friendship doesn't work out and it won't have cost you in bridesmaids things.

No, i dont think i would she has got two sisters

You are right it is a two way thing, and i am partly responsible. I dont think she feels as hurt about it as i did maybe?

Perhaps she doesn't feel hurt because she doesn't feel you're to blame any more than she is? Perhaps she regrets that your friendship dissolved and wants to recitfy things?

I initially picked three bridesmaids; my two closest friends who I speak to pretty much every day and one I was bridesmaid for at her wedding and my sister. I was debating about having my oldest friend, who I have been friends with since we were seven. We don't see each other that often but we message each other a lot and she is very thoughtful and I know she would be an excellent bridesmaid. I was worried about the cost but I left it a few weeks and then I realised that I wouldn't feel happy until I asked her. When I did, she was so happy and said she thought that I wasn't going to ask her.

I have another friend who I haven't asked. I was her bridesmaid three years ago but she had eight bridesmaids and I had no involvement in her wedding at all (despite trying). She has been very poor at keeping in contact and is always "too busy" to meet despite not working. I decided that she would make an awful bridesmaid and that she would stress me out. I doubt she would come on my hen if we went abroad either and would be "too busy" for dress shopping/fittings. I would have been asking her out of obligation.

So, I think you should have who you really want. If it feels wrong not having her as bridesmaid, then you should have her. If you don't feel it would make much difference, then don't ask her. I think sometimes we can get swept away with planning and asking people. I have had to stop myself asking another friend when I am drunk. My bridesmaid always says, "don't get drunk and ask her to be your bridesmaid!" Ha ha x