Old friend guilt

Maybe make an effort to meet up or something one more time, if shes still not bothered then fine don't invite her.

It's a difficult one though. I have a few friends like that, but if I haven't seen them for a few years I might never see them again, so although I'll probably feel guilty anyway I don't think it's fair for them to expect an invite

There's loads of people who think they're getting invited to our wedding that aren't. It's just not possible to invite everyone unfortunately. I have a friend from school who I was bridesmaid for a few years ago but I haven't seen her in over a year now so don't think she'll be getting an invite.

I think your approach about the 3 year rule is a sensible one. I have a friend just as you describe, her name is Jo. I haven't actually seen Jo in person for several years but we keep in touch via FB, like you do. However, I think there's a case for making an exception to your rule. Sometimes we have special friends who are always friends despite not seeing each other regularly. If I was getting married now I'd invite Jo.

You obviously feel bad about not inviting her, so just make an exception and do it!

Could you mmaybe invite her as a evening guest, and then you may not feel so gulity if she there for at least part of your wedding.

I agree to post above. Just invite her to evening part. Then you will see, if she actually is bothered coming. Otherwise maybe she is pressing 'like' button on Facebook to every post. Don't overthink things

I really don't think you need to worry. I think Anne is just trying to be kind and is liking things you've posted because she is a nice person, not because she thinks she might get an invite.

I'm sure she feels the same as you, that you lost touch over the years. And her liking things is just her being nice from a distance. I would feel rather odd if I hadn't seen someone for 3 years and they invited me to their wedding.

You won't really get a chance to see or speak to her much on the actual day itself. In a way it would be better to rekindle your friendship after the wedding when you can dedicate some proper time to it. That's if you want to rekindle the friendship.

I think you are overthinking it a little because you went to her wedding, but remember that was 10 years ago. Would you invite anyone else from your Facebook friends who you hadn't spoken to in 3 years? I doubt it.

This is why I think Facebook is the route of all evil. It makes people feel things they shouldn't be feeling, and creates insecurities where there doesn't need to be any.

I would do the same thing. In fact I have. I have a couple of friends, who were close for a while and I used to work with them. But I moved away, and while we exchange the usual Christmas and birthday cards and occasional Facebook messages I haven't seen them for 4 years or so. I haven't invited them because a) I wouldn't expect them to do a 300 mile round trip for me when we never see each other and b) we wanted an intimate wedding and so have decided to be quite strict on who we invite and not invite people we never see. I have got away with not inviting any of my Aunts and Uncles or Cousins by the same reasoning, our family really aren't close!

I agree with bex_boo

I often like or comment on the status updates of old friends from school/previous jobs etc when they mention anything to do with their weddings or other happy events. It's not because I'm expecting an invite, it's because i'm happy for them, pleased to see they are doing well and i'm excited for them.

I'd progress as you were, without any guilt (easier said than done I know). Relationships are a two way thing and if you've drifted apart that's nothing to feel guilty about. It happens to us all at times, even sometimes with those we were closest too. If you think it would ease your conscience, extend the hand of friendship again maybe and see where it goes- then at least you always know that you tried.

Everyone has friends like this. I often like things old/out of touch friends post on fb - not because I am angling for an invite/to be involved but just because I am happy for them and want to show support.

Coming at it from another view I would be quite upset if I thought someone was important enough to be accepted into my special day with my family and the closest people in my life but then they didn't have the decency or manners to extend the same invitation back

the only person whose wedding ive attended who wont be invited to mine was when I went as a +1 to an very late evening wedding disco 10 years ago of someone that I literally dont know who they are (my friend sort of knew the best man so got a late invite they day before and dragged me along)

all others are automatically being invited even though I havnt seen most in 5 years

they are mostly family or childhood friends, who I have know most my life (or my partner has) its not like im going to look back and say 'who is that?' which im far more likely to do of new friends who ive only know a year or so but see every other day

there are a million reasons why people dont get to hang out much (many people move, have family etc...) but to cut out someone who thought you where important enough to be part of the biggest moment of their life over some stupid rule is just ridiculous (especially if the attitude is because they havnt bothered to drop their entire life and bomb up/down the country to be at your whim anymore when they probably have bigger thing to deal with)

Sometimes you just lose touch with people. It doesn't mean the friendship wasn't important at the time, or you don't think of that person, but life moves on. We only had 50 people at our wedding, if I had invited every old friend from school or wherever we would have been outnumbered by people I hardly know anymore.

My take on this is that neither of you has picked up the phone or gone visiting and therefore the chances of her expecting an invitation are slim. However if you do feel that guilty, then invite her to the evening in recognition of the fact that you went to her wedding and let it go at that. The days are gone when you invited everyone you had ever met to the actual ceremony, but there is always wiggle room for the evening.

Chances are she won't come unless she knows others who are attending. No-one wants to be the loner at the party!! But she will appreciate the gesture and that might give your friendship the kickstart you serm to want x

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice. I do feel some regret that Anne and I are no longer as close as we were and I have tried multiple times to arrange get togethers etc but any initial acceptance from her usually just results in an eventual "sorry I'm busy" or worse, she never replies at all, which has hurt my feelings but I just took it that she just didn't want to be friends any more. I think this is why her likes and comments on FB have been so surprising because she never really took much of an interest before I announced I was engaged for pretty much the last ten years.

I agree though that friendship is a two way street and I probably could have done more to try to maintain our friendship. I'm certainly not putting all the blame on her but she has had opportunity to meet with me on multiple occasions and those times we have seen each other it's been a bit awkward, rather than two old friends seeing each other. I don't know why it's awkward, I wish I did so I know how to fix it!

I'm going to try to get in touch with her again and offer to meet for a coffee next time I'm in the area and see what she says. I think I'll know what to do about the invite for certain after that.

Thanks again everyone.

I have many 'Anne's' in my life!

mainly friends from school, really close friends at the time, I'm now in my mid 20's was the first one to settle and have kids and because of this couldn't make every night out or catch up so only really have them as Facebook friends now. They do like all my wedding posts and let the years Iv tried to chase them to meet up and get the ' I'm really busy at the moment I'll get back to you with a date' response and never hear back, so I just don't bother anymore and Iv got a whole new set of friends now who do want to meet up and be part of not only my life but get to know my OH and our kiddies.

There the friends I want any our wedding, not the ones who don't bother apart from a like!

I wouldn't invite Anne if I was you, but only you can choose if you want her there and it be a tad odd that you haven't seen eachother for a long time.