Omg I give up! Bridesmaid drama seriously fed up now!

She's a 12 year old girl and unfortunately that's just what they do. She'll be find on the day, just stay out of her way so she doesn't stress you out while having her momentary strop, let another adult deal with her and once you're in your dress and she's in her dress she'll get swept up in the excitement xx

I don't think 12 year old girls do act like that. I certainly wouldn't have done! That's more petulant 5 year old behaviour IMHO.

However, if everything is already bought for her, I'd just ignore the situation for a few weeks and broach the subject again closer to the wedding. It makes no odds to you really either way so it doesn't matter if it's uncertain for a bit.

Unfortunately a lot of pre-teen girls are exactly like this! However it is usually short lived, maybe your stepdad could have a word with her parents' about her attitude but in all honesty I find it best to ignore the drama queen behaviour. Don't give in to her whims but at the same time don't let her strop stress you out, have the dress ready for her on the day and if she wants to do it she wears it and behaves herself, if not she's not a bridesmaid.

As for the gifts if they're bought, paid for and personalised then it's too late to do anything now, either give them to her on the day if appropriate or attempt to make back a bit of the money by selling on ebay after the wedding.

She is a 12 yr old hormonal girl. That being said, I agree her behaviour was not on. However, I really dont think it was your mum's place to call her a brat. I'd ignore the behaviour, and then explain the scenario to the girl's parents and see what they say. Ask them to ask her if she is going to be a bm and wear the dress all day or not wear the dress all day and not be a bm - clear choices seem to wk best with kiddies. Really do not stress about the pressis - its is painful and v annoying, but you have bigger things to concentrate on. Best of luck sorting it and hope everything else is going smoothly!

She'll change her mind with the excitement on the day, if she doesn't then don't worry, she can't spoil your day!!

Hmmm when I was 19 I was BM for an older second cousin. In those days, BMs just turned up and looked pretty. No real jobs or tasks, so I didn't have a clue, generally. Anyway, my dress was vile. Big 1980s style baby pink ballgown with puff sleeves and silk roses sewn all over it. I hated the dress, and made it fairly clear. I did wear it, but on condition that I changed after the wedding breakfast so I could wear a short slinky party dress for the evening. I was VERY happy to get out of the monstrosity, and danced the night away, all smiles. The bride got her pink bridesmaid, and naturally by the evening she couldn't give a stuff what I as wearing. Happy all round.

I'd let the girl change out of her dress if she wants to. She may well not want to, but let her have the option at least. Then she won't be miserable and you'll all be happy.

WKharvS! I would never have acted like that as a 12 year old. I might've moaned to my friends about having to wear a hot pink dress, but I would've been thrilled to be considered important enough to be a bridesmaid.

i wouldn't even broach the subject again. Give her the gifts you got her and the dress to her mum and tell her to give them to her on the morning of the wedding, but that it's entirely up to her whether she wants to still be a bridesmaid or not, but that you want her to have the gifts anyways. Since they're personalised, there not much you can do about the gifts now anyways, so you might as well give them to her, and it might sweeten her up on the day, unless she's a total nightmare.

I would tell her, fine, if you really don't want to do it that's up to you...we have someone else we can ask instead (even if this is a lie). This might make her suddenly change her mind if she thinks she is going to miss out. You could always add, it's a shame because we had something special lined up (i.e the gifts) but I guess we can't make you wear a dress if you really don't want to! Might be surprising how quickly she comes around!

If she doesn't want to do it then don't make her. Would you rather lose out on a bit of money for the gifts or have a stroppy child hanging around all day?

My SD looks bloody miserable in all of our wedding pictures- I cant say it ruined the day in the slightest. Try and chill out this really isnt a bit deal.

Although I think this may be a hormonal issue it doesn't make it ok or fair on you.

I'm pretty sure I didn't behave like that when I was 12/13/14 and even if I did my mum would have put me right back in my place but that's just me.

Although its annoying that you've bought all these little things for her I would just leave it for now. Maybe ask her again the week of your wedding and if she has changed her mind then good, if not then don't stress yourself out trying to get her to be BM.

Some twelve year olds do try to push the boundaries, but this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. I agree with other hitchers, ignore it for now and then the week before, tell her it's fine because you've probably found someone else to do it. She may decide she wants to do it after all. If not, she doesn't get any gifts. At all.

Let her change in the evening if she wants, your photos will be done by then so it's not an issue for you.

Don't let her stress you out. She's obviously attention seeking, and if you don't give her any, she'll give up...

I'd personally leave it for now.

If she was still like it two weeks before I would be tempted to play the disappointment card. Telling her how disappointed you are as you thought she was mature enough to do something so important for you and that she would be excited and proud for doing it.

That's just me though

I wouldn't have her.

Sack her off and have people around you that do want to be involved.

Jeez if I spoke to someone like that and my parents found out I would be shot.

She's just a kid, throwing a tantrum because when you're twelve everything is awful and embarrassing, especially grown ups who try to make you wear pink dresses. You are the adult here, and you're letting yourself be dragged into a childish argument. She'll come round as soon as she realises it's wear the pink dress or don't be a bridesmaid.

I was a hormonal, moody mess of a teen but I don't think I would have behaved like that in such a situation. I agree she is behaving like a 4 yo who doesn't know any better.

If I were you, as you've already bought everything for her, I'd leave her a few weeks and then "try again".

good luck

As the mother of a 13 year old girl who has only relatively recently got her hormonal outbursts under control, I have to tell you that actually she's paying you a compliment. Hard to believe I know, but she's keeping in all her irritations and moodiness as much as she can in formal situations and they'll be spilling out in situations where her subconscious tells her she can get away with it: ie she knows that she loves you and you her, or she feels safe with you. As the others have said, stay calm; this will pass. If she wants to be a bridesmaid she'll wear the dress, in the mean while you can be the adult and seem to give her the opportunity to realise she's been unreasonable.

You could approach it in one of two ways: sit her down and tell her that you really want her to be a part of the day, show her some of your plans and involve in your thought process so she knows why/how the pink will work in the overall scheme, or, as others have suggested, drop off the dress and gifts and wait and see.

I'd go for the first option, but it does involve a degree of detachment from the hurt she has caused you. Honestly, she is trying to deal with a lot, and doesn't even know it. She is actually genetically programmed to feel that everything is about her right now. We know that it's your day, but she can't actually help how she's feeling, just when it spills out.