OMs - what are your wedding regrets?

I wish I had not forgotten about the guest book and post box for the cards.

I wish I had not been ill throughout the whole evening reception. It's hard to feel 'bridal' with your head down the loo! (this was not alcohol induced I might add)

Our evening venue was a great pub which worked well for the most part, but I ended up having to do some running around sorting stuff out. Not fun on top of being poorly.

I wish I had taken a little handbag. I didn't get to top up my makeup and had no money to buy a drink as the person who had my stuff was rarely in the same place as me!

All just little things really, and I have no regrets as such but those were my little hiccups!

Nicky x

This is a great thread. It's made me realise that I will definitely regret not having my wedding filmed *prays another deal comes up on Groupon* lol

I think you have rather misunderstood what I said and taken it out of context.

My final meeting with my TOG was a whole month before the wedding. When I go to work meetings I take notes, and sometimes minutes are taken. This is because with the best will in the world you cannot remember everything fresh in your mind as though you've just been told it. I do not believe for 1 second that my TOGs other 2 weddings will impact on my day, but equally I don't expect him to be thinking of my wedding, when he is at theirs and therefore by its very nature, to have a list to remind him of the things we've discussed will be helpful for him, which in turn will be helpful for me.

I didn't actually say that he wasn't going to take the list with him, he will, but he won't be checking off the list after every single picture. He will be relying on an usher to gather the photos on the list and then every so often will look back at the list to see whats left to do rather than Photo, check list, photo, check list etc.

I'm not even married yet, but I'm dont think theres any chance of me getting enough money to get a videographer. ☹️

Ok fair enough. Thanks for clarifying it a bit further, it appears I did misunderstand!

Hope it all goes well for you x x x

I wish I hadn't been ill the day before as my BM and I had a very boring, alcohol free and early night to bed!

no real regrets though, although the evening buffet wasn't touched much as most day guests were still full from lunch. That said, it was all included anyway, so didn't waste any money.

Best thing I did was get an Usher to circulate with guestbook, and to instruct BM to make sure i always had a drink as talking to so many people have me a dry throat!

I got by bro in law who had a camera to film it - ok its not the same, the editing will be basic (if I ever get round to bribing someone to do it for me ) - but it means I can go back and look at it. I would have regretted not having any film, but this is enough for me and the amount I will watch it

exactly the same for us - we didn't pay someone but at least we have something x

Apologies for repeating my post from another thread:

Doing it on a camcorder is cheaper than a professional, then you could do your own flowers, make your own dress, cook the meal.....shall I go on? You really must give a lot more thought to having a professional videographer. I guarantee it will be the best money spent on the day, really! I've seen many comments on the forum about getting friends or family members to do it, often accompanied by the remark that they rarely watch it. That's because invariably it's amateurish and boring to watch. The poor person spends the day waving the camera around with their finger on the zoom button worrying about batteries and anything else that could go wrong, meanwhile missing and not enjoying the wedding. Then there are the recriminations when they mess up or miss vital shots, why put people you love in that position?

The professional (vog) will choose the ideal camera positions - it's not your problem. If it's at the front during the ceremony DON'T WORRY, he's a pro, and unlike most photographers firing off machine gun clicks he will be silent and low key. The couples hardly ever look at the camera because they are so filled with emotion and can't take everything in. Capturing these once in a lifetime moments is absolute magic and incredibly powerful to watch. And if your vog is unobtrusive as he should be you probably won't notice him all day. Then after the wedding everyone will want to see the DVD and you will want to watch it over and over, guaranteed.

As for cost of a vog, how can you afford not to have one?

Barry, whilst your comments about having a VOG are fantastic and completely true, please don't put the services of others down in order to sell your own. "Most" photographers wont be doing that and it's not fair to generalise and propel that assumption.

Over the last few pages this thread seems to have turned into an opportunity for certain HIBS to put down and make rude comments about other vendors & their work. It's completely unprofessional and i'm sure it's getting on the nerves of brides who are here for genuine advice.

Kharv created a great thread that has/had the potential to be a wonderful resource, lets not ruin that with one-upmanship please.

I completely agree Pavone. Whilst I agree with Barry's sentiments regarding having a vog (I love my pro video), I disagree entirely with the comment about photographers. I didn't once hear my photographer clicking away and to be honest barely noticed she was there most of the time! Same for my vog!

Yes PP!! I completely agree with everything you said! It's not just on this thread either. It's sad to see people in the same profession knock some of their peers work/style etc. It doesn't look good and it certainly doesn't make me like your work more by you saying "because they shoot in auto they are not a professional" (that I made up to not single anyone out).

Plug yourself yes but don't do it by trying to insult others.

Actually I do regret the machine gun comment which came out a bit strong, I was just trying to make a point about how unobtrusive video filming can be during a quiet and emotional ceremony. I’d love to discuss it further but I’ve already hijacked this thread enough. That’s my vog regret, now back to the brides!

Great post Kharv! Thanks everyone for the wise words :-)

I wanted to bump this post up - its from February and i bookmarked it at the time - it helped me out a lot, just wondering if any of the newer OMs (or anyone who didnt see the post last time) has anything to add??

Just read through the whole thread! I love it, it's been really helpful.

Please new OMs add more!

Mine is all relatively fresh so I'll offload now whilst thats still the case... and its proper nit picking, none of it is regrets, just little things I'd think about if I did it over again.

I wish;

- I'm glad I was calm on the morning but I look back now and cringe at just how calm I was. Everyone else was flapping about trying to get me in my dress and I just wanted to take my time! This had a knock on effect with our TOG and OH who was awaiting him at the church... Oops.

- Your overnight bag if you are staying over - Make sure you ask someone to take it into the venue / into your room. We had to go without ours, long story, but bit of a nightmare.

- Hair / Make-Up fixes - Allocate someone the job of offering to touch up your make-up / fix your hair on the day (like maybe say just before the first dance, so they aren't offering all day and night!). I didn't touch up once, I had nothing with me to do it and couldn't be bothered hunting people out to help fix me either. Generally I don't regret not spending time touching up, but in some photos I can notice that my hair is a bit wild etc!

- Any jobs that you think might need carried out on the day - give them out beforehand. We had little bits and we just thought on the day oh we will ask X Y Z to sort it for us, but it wasn't that easy. Not only did we just not think about it, but we didn't want to disturb X Y Z to do any of the jobs whilst they were having such a good time.

- If you are having a marquee in the summer put someone in charge of 'temperature control'. I.e. someone who can judge if its too hot and if it is open the sides. Its very hard to tell yourself when your in a big dress, and your priorities are elsewhere.

- Try and speak to all your guests - I didn't want to walk around tables between courses, but in the end our meal service took forever so I did go around a few. I now wish I'd been able to get around them all - in your head you think the day is going to last forever and all your guests will be there for the whole time too, before you know it its the end and you didn't speak to X Y Z. I think all guests should come to you, so I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, but if I had my time over I may have tried to get around a few more people.

- Formal photos are a bit stressful - you have people saying 'oh this person can just come in this one too' - no, they can't, we have a list of people who need to be in our photos, just do what the TOG says. I don't know what my advice would be to overcome that, but in the end we just wanted to be done with them so not sure if we got all of our requests. Maybe share your list with those involved so they know exactly what you want and who needs to be in what photo beforehand? At least it then makes it clear that you have thought about the shots etc so thats why X Y Z haven't been asked to come into it.

- Advise your BMs what help you want with your dress beforehand if you can. None of mine knew about my dress and it had a huge train which did need some help! They kept forgetting, and my MOH who did help did it to the extreme bless her, she wouldn't let go of it and my veil and it made it even harder to walk in (plus looked ridiculous, why pick a dress if someone needs to constantly carry it behind you!). I know what help I would have liked, the occasional fix of the train if it crumpled whilst standing, or help holding it up when walking some distance, but the help I got went form one extreme to the other - none to being fixed with every step I took.

My best advice, and what I followed was;

- Enjoy yourself - do not stress!!!! There is nothing worse than a bride & groom stressing out on the day, no matter what happens- let someone else fix it.

Hmm, my one big regret, which will bother me every time I look at our photos, is that my sisters-in-law laced my dress too tight at the top. It's supposed to be tight over the ribs and waist, but it was so tight at the top that my boobs were squashed and the tops of my arms look as if the dress is too small for me (it wasn't). I don't think it looks awful and no one else has claimed to notice - in fact everyone says I looked lovely - but I wish I'd been able to have a peek at myself before I left my parents' house, even though it would have meant my dad and the (lovely) driver relacing me. No mirrors downstairs unfortunately. It would have been so easy to fix and I wish I had. I told the bridal shop about it when I took some photos to them and they were the only ones who really understood why I was so miffed about it and sympathised!

The only other things were: I bought new perfume with matching shower gel and body lotion to use for the first time on our wedding day. I showered with the gel and used the body lotion, but left the perfume until after my hair and make-up were done. Then I got straight into the dress and forgot the perfume!

We asked my young nieces and nephew to get all the guests to sign our book at the reception. I think they must have got bored, because only about half did. I wish I'd checked it at one point and asked an adult to take it round again.

Otherwise, my advice is the same as a lot of others here. Don't sweat the small stuff and don't spend loads of money on extras like decorations and favours. We spent about £10 a table and my mum was worried the decorations wouldn't be enough, but I was really pleased with how they turned out. Also, don't get stressed on the day. Other people will sort it out! We had a few hiccups, but our best man and my brothers were more than able to deal with them without having to bother me or my OH.

I wish I had taken a change of dress for the evening! My dress was huge and heavy and I couldnt dance much

Love this thread and learning lots! please keep adding!

Keeping this alive as its so helpful .... thanks all so far!

Well, very early on in this post I mentioned I was umming and ahhing about £30 per table for the centrepieces. I went ahead and did it and definitely don't regret it - the "wow" factor was fantastic.

Things I would have done differently (rather than regret - I don't regret any of it, it was an amazing day):

I wish I'd had my bridesmaids try on their dresses the night before. One of them hadn't tried hers on since buying it in January - the zip was stuck and caused a major panic and then once she was in it, the metal boning was sticking into her and we had to get pliers to bend it out the way. All this just 20 minutes before we were due to leave...

We have amazing photos, but we are still missing a few. We had told everyone that if they wanted specific photos with partners, families etc, they should speak to the photographer directly on the day and he would oblige, but they forgot, and then have made comments that they didn't get photos together. We also missed a vital one of hubby with his two (grown up) boys. Fortunately, the photographer was able to "create" one from another photograph, but even so, it was a gaping hole initially. So, as everyone has said, if specific photos are very important to you, make sure the photographer knows.

Communicating to evening guests about the free fizz - we had a free Prosecco bar all day and night, but it was hidden away slightly, unless you knew it was there, you wouldn't find it, and we now have 180 left over bottles to drink (now that I don't regret;-) )

Similarly evening food - a lot of people didn't realise it was available outside the marquee, so there was a lot left over.

Things I was really glad I did:

Walked the dog on my own in the morning. It gave me a chance to collect my thoughts and have some downtime before the rollercoaster started.

Being very very anal about having a timetable for the day, which we ran through with the best men and allocated jobs. I didn't have a thing to worry about on the day because they all knew what they had to do and when, even though they ribbed me mercilessly when we were going through it.

Being brave enough to ask the vicar if we could include a slightly risque poem in the ceremony. It was just "us", it made people laugh and was a talking point for some time afterwards.

Having live music throughout the night - the dance floor was constantly packed. We had an iPod playlist (7 hours of it!) as backup, rather than a DJ, and definitely don't regret not having the traditional disco.

I would do it all again tomorrow.

Pip x

It's interesting hearing all the comments regarding photographers not getting certain shots.

I imagine myself being rather bossy to my TOG on the day to ensure I get the photos I want with the people I want. Although I would not expect to have to advise a TOG to get certain shots such as some of the examples in this thread. (Barking orders at your TOG as you are walking down the aisle would not be a great entrance haha)

I do feel that particularly with group shots the bride/groom (or someone in the wedding party) should take more responsibility for organising guests, I am sure it is all very well giving a TOG a list but I dont expect my TOG to know who my sister is or anyone else for that matter so expect to have to give some level of direction on the day in that respect, my TOG advised that one of his former brides was upset that he never got a photo of her with her dad.....This was because he did not realise (and was not told told) the man that gave her away, was sitting on the top table and also gave the father of the bride speech was in fact her step dad her 'dad' was sitting at another table and did not form part of the traditional Bridal Party..

I guess this is all very easy for me to say now, I am sure the reality is somewhat different on the day.

This. But give those who you are putting in charge warning beforehand. Our TOG asked our best man to round up the ushers / bridesmaids for a photo with us, and he came up to me to tell me they had asked him to do it. Don't know what happened, but the rounding up never happened and neither did the photo. It really wasn't a priority for me at that moment in time - and I wish those who had been put in charge to help our TOG have been more forceful in rounding people up when asked.

Our day went so fast I dint notice anything had been missed during the day but afterwards I have realised more and more.

- Our day guests signed the guests book but it wasn't passed around during the evening, wish I had assigned someone the task of doing that.

- Our TOG has taken hundreds of photos and they are all fantastic but I feel that he missed a lot of the basic photos out ( B&G with BMs and ushers, family friends, grand parents) I wish I had written list of these instead of just assuming that he would do the basics.

- if I had known then just how quick the day actually goes I would have got married at 12pm rather than 1pm, I know its only an extra hour but the day really does fly by.

The only thing I even remotely regret would be that I didn't nominate a few people to be in charge of the instax guest book, and as such there were a lot of guests who didn't know how to use the camera (even with instructions printed), and so didn't manage to take a photo.

Even that isn't so much a regret, because it didn't detract from the day or our happiness. We had an amazing time, and I wouldn't really do anything differently if I were to do it again.

Oh, wait. I regret not packing myself a takeaway box from the cake bar before it all got eaten. Damnit!

I love thus thread...any updates?

Not having the later bar. A few evening guests who I wish we'd invited to the day.

I wish I'd known during the planning, when I was stressing out, how little I would care on the day, about some of the details that seemed so important before hand.

Probably my only regret is not having a VOG. I could have had one for free along with the TOG but decided against it as people rarely watch wedding videos right through. But in my case my son did a really good but short speech which had everyone laughing and there was banter going on through out his speech - but he didn't write it down and now it's a distant memory. My OHs' son on the hand is probably really glad we didn't have a VOG as he hadn't practiced it, had written his speech out on a large piece of paper and then kept losing his place - (it was a bit cringe worthy!!)

Also don't get caught up with people who have drunk too much. I had no idea of the time flying by and was collared by my now ex-daughter in law which resulted in me not saying goodbye to some of our guests - I have no idea of how long she was going on but in hindsight it really bothered me. Because I would rather have been enjoying the dancing and chatting to other people than listening to someone being maudling!!

The said ex-daughter in law also offered to pay for our cup cakes as a wedding gift but never actually paid for them and gave us a complete run around in the run up to the wedding and afterwards ? regarding the money. We never expected her to pay for the full cost of the cakes as she had set a limit - we were fine with that but then she never gave us anything at all - maddening!! (Probably even more so because hubby and I had paid for her and his sons' wedding reception three years earlier!! Can you imagine what would have happened if we had done the same to them??)

Would I do anything else differently? Yes - a year after the wedding I still don't have a photo album!!? I will sort it - I promise!! Loads of pics on discs from family and TOG but really need to sit down and sort an album out. The digital era is not always a good thing!!

Swampy

Swampy

It was a beautiful hot day, hotter than I ever thought it would be, and I bustled up my dress whilst we were on our location photos and I never took it down again. It was too hot to be carrying around a long training and tulle (although it wasn't that big), I loved the breeze around my ankles... I wish I had take it down for some of the other photos but I forgot because I was just far too comfortable.

I wish I had more photos with friends. We only had 8 formal photographs because we don't like posing and knew that it could take a lot of time. But now, I wished I had posed a little more, perhaps not in the line up photos as such but just maybe directed my TOG a bit more to get some informal posed shots maybe. I have some great pics that my guests took, but really, you can never have enough.

Oh brilliant I was searching for this thread the other day and couldn't find it! Thanks for bumping

^^^^^^ totally agree, it has nothing to do with what style of photography you choose, I am a documentary photographer but I still do the formal shot list which I get the couple to fill out an online form for me and I also do a lot of couple shots during the day so to label a reportage/documentary photographer as one that cannot shoot formals or couple shots is rubbish.