opinions needed. hen party drama

Hi

I can understand your frustration as my hen party has been very stressful with the girls dropping out, not responding, just not being helpful in general and I do think the extra pressures don't help, but before I made any rash decisions or comments I took a few days breathing space to really think things over!

I don't no your friend but I do have a friend who sounds similar and will tell little lies,, it does became hard and frustrating to try and work out the truth however I would not call her a straight out lier, although it does seem odd to send money through the post now as its so much more secure and faster online, you can't be 100% sure she hasn't posted it, you have advised her she will still need to pay to cover her place so I would leave it there and if you receive the money she comes if not she doesn't, sometimes it's not always worth pulling people up as I doubt she would admit it and it may just make things worse!

I hope you resolve the matter thou and enjoy your hen do!! ☺️

ERM its hard to say as you know this girl better than we do. It is odd that she posted the money I would never ever ever do that ( did she do recorded post) & would always either deliver by hand or into thecbank. The difficulty being although odd, do you have proof that she didn't post it? Its a hard thing to prove. Personally, if I was stupid enough to send money in the post & it got lost I would suck it up & repay as I would hate someone being out of pocket because I was a dope!

If you confront her, is it likely to end the friendship? If so, are you happy with that outcome?

Personally I think it shouldn't be up to the OP to prove she hasn't posteed but to her friend to prove she has. If you paid an invoice to a company an excuse like that wouldn't fly either and you couldn't just say "well, prove to me that I didn't post it"

It does sound highly suspect..... but just to throw a spanner in the works, i've lost 3 lots of money in 4 years in the post. 2 lots just never turned up, and one turned up opened, money gone.

it's is suss......but it COULD have happened, so i'd be very wary.....

Thanks for the advice. It's really hard. And really frustrating considering she asked for my bank details to transfer it to a few days before.

If she did post it and it's lost in the post a) she was really silly to post in in the first place but b) I would feel really bad for her coz it's not nice to loose money.

She didn't send it recorded delivery unfortunately.

Argh, no, not being harsh, what a nightmare. A couple of our wedding invites went AWOL in the post so it does happen, and we've known people who have had money taken from birthday cards so we always try and stop people sending money (my nanna!) But it does sound a bit odd. I think I'd say you were sorry but you need to find someone to fill her spot because you can't afford to have an empty space

I'm glad am not the only one where the hen organising has been more stressful than wedding! I have a friend who has told me she has "transferred" her deposit money three times now.....she missed the original deadline 2 months ago as she didn't have her money til the following week. fair enough but to keep lying about it I just think is really weird. If she didn't want to go she could just say so but yet she still talks about how she cant wait for the night!! folk are strange! lol

Posting the money does sound a little odd - given the electronic age we live in nowadays! Could you tell her that you haven't received any money and unfortunately unless she is able to give adeposit directly to your bank you won't be able to stump it up yourself (but you will let her know if it arrives in the meantime)....

My point was that unless 100% certain it's a lie I wouldn't make accusations of lying. Difference between this and a dispute with a company over is that normally if you don't pay you don't normally get the service / product plus emotions aren't usually involved. OP has absolutely no way of being sure the money wasnt posted just strong suspicions. The friend can't prove she posted it either.

I personally wouldn't risk starting a row unless I had a trump card

I'd maybe start looking for someone else to fill her place, if she's not going to pay for her space.

If she really did post the money, then I'd understand her not wanting to pay again for it and just not going.

There's not much you can do i guess...

Text her to say you're going to have to open up her space to others as you cant afford to lose the cash.

I'd reconsider my friendship with this person. If you suspect her of behaving like that i'm not sure she's really a friend.

I have little patience. I would assume - especially after asking for my bank details - that she didn't post the money or the RSVP. I mean, it's 2015 - besides a nana - who posts cash?

I'd tell her that you didn't receive the cash so she either needs to pay up or you'll have to invite someone else. I'd also reconsider the friendship if she didn't pay.

Maybe I'm cynical but sounds like she made up the bit about sending it in the post so that when it mysterious got lost you could stump up the cast for her. Whether she's being honest or not there isn't a lot you can do other than tell her unless she gives you the money by a certain date then you'll have to find someone else to take her place.

meeeee ^_^ lol i'm hideously old fashioned though lol

Yes agreed. I wouldn't accuse her of lying but I think whether or not she did, it is her friend's responsibility to pay for her spot. It's not fair for the OP to have to pay for it because she was naive enough to post the money to her. If you did the same with an invoice to a company you'd have to pay twice as well. And yes is is a friend, but essentially he money is going toward an invoice that needs to be paid.

To be fair, if the OP's friend did post the cash (in which case, she's an idiot - why not post a cheque?), then paying the OP directly wouldn't necessarily leave her out of pocket. Assuming she got proof of postage (and again, if she didn't, she's an idiot), then she could file a claim with Royal Mail to get back the amount that she sent by post.

Thanks for all your advice.

I didn't bring it up with her, your right, I can't prove it either way, even if it is pretty obvious to everyone that she didn't post it. She's had me checking under door mats and driving round to my parents as she couldn't remember exactly where she posted it.....hmmm.

Anyway she finally replied when I said couldn't afford to pay for her spot and said she would talk to her boyfriend to see if he could pay her. I've had to give her a deadline as its only next month so I will need someone to fill her spot so I'm not out of pocket (ill have to fork out the money if I can't fill it)

If she doesn't sort it out I won't be happy.

Be firm with that deadline. she can't keep messing you about. if she genuinely has lost the money then i feel terribly sorry for her and i'd hate to have to pay out twice for something, but equally this is a headache you don't need. if she wants to go she needs to find the money asap, and if she hasn't by the time your deadline passes then it's sad but tough. you can't afford to lose out now.

She doesn't remember where she posted it? Really?

?

Hi Mrsgzd,

i agree it does sound suspect... the fact she stated she cant remember where she posted it is a little well unbelieveable, the 1st and last thing you would check when RSVP'ing is the address right? unless im the weird one lol

Hope it all works out

Cass x

**update**

After ignoring my "I can't afford to pay for you and I'm loosing out on money I can't afford right now txt" for a while she eventually replied and paid the money into my account this time ? happy.

If I'm ever a bm I refuse to do the hen party ? far too much hassle x

Woo that great news xx

That's good news. I suspect the 'I posted the cash' story was a delaying tactic while she got the money together, which is a low move. If you're good enough friends with someone to be invited to their hen, you'd hope they would understand you were broke and try to work something out, which the OP tried to do. You shouldn't feel the need to string them elaborate lies. Hey ho.

I'd say hen party and bridesmaid problems (which almost always involve the same people) are one of the most common type of issues/rant/advice post we get on here now. They always make me glad I didn't have either!