OT: SIL issues

Of course you arent being unreasonable! Borrowing money from friends and family is a dangerous game and i'd never ask any of my siblings (or H2Bs) unless it was for some kind of desperate emergency or something!

Borrowing money for holiday is ridiculous - if you cant afford it dont go! You've been very kind to her so far an i think you should stick to your guns and not give them a penny more. Taking a loan will most definitely affect getting a mortgage.

Shes got a bloody cheek to be honest. You are right to stick to your guns, why get yourself into debt, particularly starting married life in that way when the moneys not even for yourselves!

I also think your right to be suspicious in regards to its use, any doctor - private or not - would suggest the patient lose weight before attempting such a drastic procedure...... even if you were the richest couple in the uk im sure you'd want to see the research and any paperwork your sil has on this procedure.......

she sounds like a spoilt brat if im honest...... falling out with your OH cos shes not getting her own way....and has relied on him to often in the past. well theres two of you in that relationship, not just him and whatever decisions he makes can in way affect you or involve you......

all the best x

Thanks for your reassurance, am feeling so mean and mad at being put in the situation in the first place.

I said the same to H2B about lending money for the holiday as we have sarfised a holiday for the sake of the finances.!

Hell no you are not being unreasonable. You stick to your guns.

I agree that no doctor would allow someone to have a band itted without first dieting. And if she hasnt already paid back the holiday monbey then she has proved that you prob wont see the money again. Personally i would sit her downa nd say something like seeing as you havent paid the holiday money back you can have that 2K towrads the operation although you will pay it back by a set date and get her to sign an agreement. That way you are then entititled to your 2K back, look as though you have given her some money towards it keeping family happy. That is only if you are feeling especially kind i would tell her to go jump.

Your MIL says you are being unresonable how much has she given? and the fact that you have savings should not mean you bail out everyone in the family as you have said you have sacrificed stuff to save that up. As for taking a loan and getting a martgage, it will be taken into account as it is a debt which needs paying and therefore all lneders will take into account thatyou already have to make a payment of £X per month.

That is awful, how could she justify asking for that kind of money??? i wouldn't even ask for £100 to put towards a holiday if you couldn't afford it to start with then maybe she shouldn't have gone... it's horrible to be put in this position but i agree with tinks tell her to put what she owes you towards the operation then your offering her something at least, i hope this gets sorted soon for you x

The cheek. I would tell her that to support her weight loss you have canceled her meal at your wedding breakfast and ordered her a stick of celery instead and you wish her well.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I am very close to doing so! Family politics eh!

? @ Spink.

I can't believe that his sister actually asked you to take a loan out for them. Why can't she take her own loan out?! I definitely agree with the others, don't back down. I'm speechless that your H2Bs family actually think you two are the unreasonable ones!

Stick to your guns hun - a loan will definately affect your ability to be accepted for a mortgage - its tricky enough in the current economic climate to get one.

x

Thats what we said, but she disagrees and she wasnt told this as she got her mortgage when times were good.

She wants us to do it as she only works part time and already has a loan taken to help refurb the house.

I said to OH, if she can't afford the repayments its down to us to pay, and we can't take the risk.

Dont Do it, Dont Do it, Dont Do it!

It sounds like you've given an inch and she has taken a mile. Maybe your OH always helped out his sister before and she has got used to it, but she needs to realise there is a limit.

Start practising your "No" face!

side note -Loans definately affect mortgages!!!!!!

See thats the thing - OH is 5 years younger than his sister and from what I can gather, before we met, was not in control of his finances - spending all his cash the week after payday etc..

..so it's not like any of his family have relied on him before, the opposite is true i'd asusme, but she knows OH was in Afghan for 6 months so didnt spend anything and therefore has a rough idea that we must have a fair amount of cash in the bank. Which I am assuming she feels entitled to..?!?

Also... OHs dad is on our side... Says he is sick of everyone pandering to the older sister etc and we are right to say no.

I am therefore going to not mention the subject again and leave SIL to apologise - its just hard to rationalise whether your being reasonable sometimes when your loved ones tell you that your being unfair.

Thanks for the help and advise - she won't be getting a penny of our cash nor a bank loan in our name.

LOL @ Mrs Spink - you nearly owed me a new keyboard missy, almost spat yogurt all over it!

With regards to your SIL I would tell her where to get off! Since when have you been a walking bank? NOt only that but it's not like £7k is a tiny bit of money it's huge! Why don't she ask a bank manager if she's that deperate...probably too worried that they will laugh in her face.

Off on a slight tangent who is saying that if she had surgery she will keep the weight off? There is a certain amount of lifestyle change that would come with such an operation and like you say if she can't make an effort to even diet, then she won't stay slim for long.

I think she needs her head examining personally and so does her mother for saying you are unreasonable. Idiots!

Yep I agree - she is just lazy.

She gained the weight whilst struggling with post natal depression, but the worst of that is over and i'm afraid that's no excuse for me..

I am not saying loosing weight is easy - goodness I have a lot less than her to loose and I am struggling, but at the same time, I am willing to work at it.

I have had a look at NHS website - she would have to be 235pounds to have one on the NHS.. She is a lot less than that, and I therefore think it's a case of more effort required!

Agree with everyone else - utter madness on SIL's part. Tell her to bog off and def give her the stick of celery!!

I'm speechless!?

The problem is, some people see you have money and see it as an easy target. I had a freind ask to borrow a few hundred when she found out I'd inherited some cash.

DON'T DO IT! If she could get a loan she wouldn't be asking you for help, therefore she obviously can't afford to repay it. Tell her you'll compromise - you'll pay for her registration at WeightWatchers!

Haha Im not sure whether you meant that as a joke or serious JudeClarke but OH has done something simular - signed her up for one week intensive personal trainer session at his gym - includes healthy eating planning etc. It was discounted because although she is not huge, she is technically "obese" - she hasn't taken it well and they are not speakin still, but OH dad says she is secretly chuffed - so OH is going to ring and be sympathetic but strict on the fact that - we have no cash to share right now...

If she's that desperate to have gastric band I could tell her some horror stories to put her right off. She will never be able to eat normally again. Really tiny portions of blended food and plus they can stretch their stomachs back to normal size by eating too much. It doesn't fix it ever! I see it all the time at work as a dietitian, bloody nightmare. If she wants to lose weight ask her to speak to GP about slimming world vouchers that GP can give her.

I'm so happy you didn't bow to family pressure as like the others have said you don't want/need the debt!!

Bloody SILs who would have them x

DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!! dont pander to her she's being a spoilt brat. sorry if thats harsh but its true, i mean the cheek of asking you to take out a loan for HER??!!! thats beyond ridiculous. hope you sort something x

A friend of mine was going to get a gastric band, but dieted, she has lost loads of weight and looks amazing. This shows it can be done, and I'd suggest you suggest that to her. I agree with everyone else, you've already done more than enough!

And comment of the day to Mrs Spink!

Errgh, i cantbelive people have the cheek to treat their families like this :/ Stick to your guns hun and dont let her get to you, i have a similar problem withmy MIL so know how you feel .. x

His family are asking too much of you 2, way too much. Dont feel bad at all. Im sorry but if you can't afford something, you do without it, and she needs to learn that. WHats that saying "preach according to you stypen" or somethhing like that. let itrest tho. Dont push yourself into it and they will all calm down in time. And tell them that your money is tied up and that you need it for your mortgage, that your financial advisor has said NO!

Some times you gotta make yourself number 1 my dear!

Thanks everyone for giving me a more realistic view - you are right she is taking the mickey!

This is going to sound awful but, (unfortunatley) last night I found out she is moving home for good - so I will have to see her and our nephew everytime me go to see PIL and incidents like this are likely to increase in number - so I am very glad we said no, else it could be one huge spiral.

On the plus size if MIL does turf me and H2B out of his room (which we stay in every other weekend when we visit) it does mean we won't have to visit PIL as much!

Goodness I am being awful today - I am a woman who has been pushed too far! haha

You are definatly not beong unreasonable and the loan will definatly effect the mortgage decision we had a small loan and even that had an effect on our mrtgage.

i also agree with teehee doctor advise that you try to loose weight first and also you normally have to prove that you can loose a certian amonut before they fit a band so they know that after you are serious about keeping it off.

hope you get it sorted out xxxx

Thanks anglefish, we have suggested that she tries harder - she does a few weeks on WeightWatchers and expects to be a size 10.

The thing is - I recon she is about 16-18stone, which would probably be a lot to me as a 5 foot 0 woman (half a stone puts me up a full dress size!) but with her extra height means her BMI is not above the 40 required to have it on the NHS.. Therefore if she did loose a few stone (to show she was showing willing etc) then she would be down to 14-16 stone - which puts her back to a size 18ish - I am sorry but I don't even consider that to be big or a major problem.

Maybe I am lacking sympathy as it's not me - but I am considering it her personal problem and not one which should be causing family arguments. I have bad skin atm but I am not asking anyone else to stump up for me to have laser surgery!!

I was sharing my worry with a friend (after last nights revelations) and she said to try and be as nice as I can muster, she must be feeling very low to consider such drastic surgery, especially given she has a one year old to look after and then to ask her baby brother to fund it must mean things are bad- and I get that too but.. ..I am going to have to put mine and H2Bs new family unit first. x

I agree with everyone else - tell her no " we're sorry we would have loved to have helped (try not to laugh at that point) but unfortantly the wedding is taking up all your money and you've been told that a loan would decrease your chances in a mortage but you will support her with her weightloss" maybe if your feeling really good offer to babysit while she goes for a jog or brisk walk or gym lol.

I know what you mean tho on your orginal post about as soon as they return from afghan we also had people asking to borrow money. Am sorry but my H2B worked bloody hard out there so my personal feelings are sod them let him spend it. we normally do help out but when there askiing for most of his wage i have the tendence to say no lol .

x

My SIL is being a complete cow as well , ever since we announced we were getting married she has been causing trouble .... my future husband dosnt want her there .. so much so he has invited her ex !