‘Twas the night before Christmas and among all the stars,
Was a gathering of otters they filled all the bars,
The hour was late they should all be asleep
But happy hour at the Slug and Lettuce meant drinks so cheap
Gin, cocktails, wine and fizz among their favourite tipples
It was chilli out so you can imagine the size of their nipples
When out from the bar
there arose such a clatter,
I looked around to see what the f*ck was the matter
Into the bar I skipped, jumped and bounced
I missed it, missrae had left, she flounced
Tiny Tiggs, AmnesiaCustard, Catinateacup, Loopz and Rod were looking fabulous and fine
Flowersinherhair, Enterflora and Mrs Bass were at the bar and brought me a mulled wine
When out from the crowd who should appear
A rambling Kharv “oh do pipe down dear”
Just as I finished my hot toddy
I was passed another drink “thanks for that Hoddy”
When along came footlong so wise and blunt
Best not to argue with her unless you want to look like a twunt
We laughed and joked about the year gone by
So much has happened time really does fly
At Canarys wedding I laughed, drank and fell on the floor
“Let’s go to Chelmsford?” said Flow I can see you are thirsty for more
“Don’t go” Said Gnashers “Heed my warning”
“Trust me you will thank me for it in the morning”
Pompey and Mini dragged us to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park
We drank mulled wine, rode fairground rides and had such a lark
Jolly and dizzy from the fairground rides so quick
“That was not a good idea” said Peanut “I think I am going to be sick”
“You will be ok in a minute” assured Mathewsmummy
“You just need some food to line your tummy”
The night is young and so are we
“Let’s go grab some food” suggested Mrs C
Kjay pulled up driving her magical locomotive so full of grace
To take us to get food for those who could not keep up with the pace
“All aboard” she shouted and “mind the gap”
Before breaking out into a full on rap
“Yo Jojo85 in da house! Yo RKB in da house! Yo Tricks in da house! Yo Clarehj in da house! Yo Leni-Lw in da house! Yo Bowling Bride in da house! Yo beez in da house! Yo Gillsy in da house! Yo Pittabre in da house! Yo Teabag in da house! Yo Erin8 in da house! Yo Kochanski in da house! Yo Mummymoo82 in da house! Yo Dreamcatchme in da house! Yo Jaymonkey in da house! Yo unexpectedpenny in da house ! Yo Sange in da house! Yo Panjita in da house! Yo Arquard in da house! Yo RavioliRuby in da house! Every Body yo in Da House?”
“Now fasten your seatbelts it’s going to be a bumpy ride”
“Please secure your belongings in the lockers to the side”
It was all too much for Cinnamon Ears
Who covered her eyes to hide her fears
“Wait!!” shouted Roseability “Its vanilla pod
She’s lost on the platform she’s all on her todd”
“Phew that was close, I am so lucky”
Vanilla pod said as she was rescued by a helpful ducky
All aboard so let the journey begin
As Mellow Yellow cracked open the gin
Up, up, and away the train took to the sky
Full of hungry otters dreaming of pie
Along came the sweet smell of the buffet cart
Pushed along by our very own Nuttella & Venart
Who said “Sorry folks we only have booze!”
Mrs Imp, PandorasBox, Claire replied “that’s ok they would make do with a quick snooze”
While Becklarr, Saisi and Helenia shared a bottle of wine
It had to be done to pass the time
On the outskirts of Birmingham they landed with a thud
As Ebony Rose, Love Ska, ATB and the others made their way through the mud
Then as luck would have it arrived Sal San
Who gave the otters a lift in the back of her van
Feeling merry and singing songs of Christmas cheer
When Missus S said “Put your foot down Sal we are hungry and in need of more beer”
“I can’t hold it in much longer” said Ali G
“We must pull over so I can go for a pee”
Moments later they arrived at a bar filled with more drunken otters
Sadly for Ali the toilets were blocked by the bunch of rotters
The otters filled their bellies with sumptuous food
It was much needed to brighten the mood
Then it was time for dancing with
Pugsley, Little Pixie, OB, Hattrick, Tizzie, Quacker,Tray1980, Nursey, Cilla, Tayto, Knees, Holey, Elixia, Meltdown, Muppet, Farrah-Fowler, Mooshy
leading the way
Singing and dancing a jig to ‘come what may’
The night was coming to an end so I left with otters in tow
and as if by magic it started to snow
which meant one thing, a snowball fight
but only too soon it was starting to get light
Now I’m at home tucked up snug in my bed and closing my eyes
I guess it’s now time to say my goodbyes.
Merry Christmas Otters! Xx
Much Love
Funky xx
(Sorry If I missed anyone)
