Overwhelmed

I think a lot of people feel like that at some point!

But I think the key problem with your wedding is that you are doing a lot of it for other people.

Don't!

Seriously, when you get engaged, EVERYONE has an opinion about your wedding and what you 'must' have and 'must' do. And guess what? When you finally get to the wedding day, most of those people will have forgotten their opinions, or if they remember them, are not going to be upset that you are not doing the wedding the way you wanted.

I think it's time for you to take back control. If you've been over-sharing wedding details in the past, then stop right now. If anyone asks what you are doing about a particular aspect of your wedding, tell them that you're keeping the details a surprise for the big day. (It's hard to argue with this, and if they don't know what you're planning, they can't pressure you to change it!)

If there are things on your list that you haven't organised yet and that you don't want, then cross them off the list. If you have already booked things that you don't want, then look at the cost of cancelling them, or else think of ways you can simplify.

Also, make sure you take time out from wedding planning just to enjoy life as a couple. It's easy for every conversation to revolve around the wedding, and with a year to go, you totally do not need to be doing this. Set aside certain times in the week for 'wedding stuff' and make the rest of the week a wedding-free zone. If you need to spend your weekend doing weddingy stuff, then try to keep it to one day (or half day) and do something else with the rest of the time.

Weddings don't have to be complicated - so simplify until you have something that doesn't stress you out!

You’re definitely not alone in the feeling! RomanticGreenStationary offers lots of good advice. In particular, I concur with picking a time for what I have dubbed Wedmin and not really chatting about it outside of that. We did Wedmin Wednesdays each week and we’ve chosen to not have people really involved with helping with anything, so we have that segregation between wedding time and not. We’re now 4 months out so we often have to do 1.5 - 2 nights a week now (by night I only mean about 2-3hrs though), but outside of that we try to continue with our interests, hobbies, seeing friends, going gym as normal, and that’s kept our sanity and life feeling just that bit more normal.


One other thing for me, I’m a lists person, so we created a task-spreadsheet which we organised with task name, category, due date (just used month/yr) and then status. Now I just filter for this months tasks and the “Not Started” or “In Progress” ones. When I was further out like you are now, it meant as suppliers were sorted and they were like we need to do/have a meeting x time before the wedding, or I was like oh we’ll need to do x and y tasks before we do this, I could just add them into my spreadsheet, and not carry round the mental burden of remembering so much. I remember the day I did it, and there was like over 100 tasks written out at the end of just the first day, and I was like no wonder I was overwhelmed, trying to remember all of them!!

I’ve found it goes in ebbs and flows - some days I’ve ended up in a black hole of research into something, sometimes I’ve gone for weeks on end barely thinking about it.

Now I’m 2 weeks out and it is very, very full on, so I’ve had to set massive boundaries to be able to continue normal life. I’ll be working up until lunchtime of the day before (I’m a teacher so the best they could do was let me go early on the Friday when I have PPA in the afternoon). Work is very full on as we’re only a few weeks out from GCSEs (and I’m head of a core department) so the only way I can cope is by completely forgetting about the wedding at work, and completely forgetting about work at home. It’s hard because I normally do so much work at home, but it’s just not possible at the minute or I’d be so stressed I’d burn out, and I don’t want to be too tired to enjoy my wedding day!

I can see your wedding is in April next year - weird as it sounds, you’re probably feeling very focused on the wedding right now because it’s the right time of year. I felt like this in spring and into summer last year. When it got to autumn and winter, I felt really out of touch with the wedding, and I didn’t want to look at anything spring-like because it felt wrong in the run up to Christmas! But since January 1st, it’s like the reality of the wedding hit me full force in the face.

Thank you all so much for your comments! Having spoken to some friends who are also planning their own weddings I’ve realised I am not alone 🤣 I’ve also spoke to my FH tonight and we’ve gone through it all together so that’s helped de-stress me a lot! You’ve all given some really great advice which I will definitely be taking on board ❤️

This advice might or might not suit you but one of the best things I did was create a ridiculously large Excel tracker that lists absolutely everything out - a tab for guests and all their details like menu choices, table number, room number etc - a tab for evening guests - a tab for all suppliers and amounts owed... get it all down on a list and walk yourself through the entire day so you don't forget anything. I'd also only choose one or two select people to discuss your plans with, as too many opinions from those close to you can really make you feel the pressure and feel overwhelmed. Don't worry, there is still plenty of time to get everything sorted and when you get to the big day none of the small things will matter anyway!

You've probably got so much more done than you think, you've got this!

It definitely can be quite overwhelming. As Lisa mentioned, putting your tasks in a spreadsheet is a great idea. It would be easier for you to track things because you can break down the things you need and when they're due.

I'm glad you spoke with your FH and friends. You got this!