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Beginner March 2023 West Midlands

Parents may not attend wedding

Tracy, 28 November, 2022 at 06:00 Posted on Planning 0 4
My parents are in there mid 80’s now, my mom very unwell with dementia and my dad has Copd. I was very close to my mom but in recent years this has suffered. Due to the symptoms of the dementia she hardly ever knows who I am these days. My dad, although they are still together has never taken any vested interest in his children. My older sister in recent years has become very fixed and focused on controlling ever aspect of their lives, she lives locally, I do not. The dilemma is that they don’t drive, our wedding is 15 miles away. My sister normally gives them a lift if going somewhere due to close proximity. At the moment no plans have been made to offer to take my mom n dad to the wedding, I feel like she is saying it is my responsibility to organise. If my sister does take them they says they will stay for the ceremony only. My sister says she is staying on later and they are not in good health so would not be able to. They assume someone is bringing them back, I can’t leave my own wedding to return them and there is literally no one else who can do it. I could call an Uber but it will cost 50-£60 that I will have to pay for, we are already struggling with the cost of the wedding. My mom gets frightened when she is not in familiar surroundings and I am wondering if she should even leave the house due to this. It’s all so jumbled at the moment. It’s my second marriage so I’m older now but this means everyone else and do my parents are not in good health. I also feel conscious that I may not be able to enjoy the wedding due to worrying about my mom and if she’s comfortable. Should they attend or not?

4 replies

Latest activity by Sarah, 2 December, 2022 at 21:51
  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    It is such a tough situation, and it is a shame no one is stepping up to help orgainse their transport, as I personally don't feel this should be on you to organise, you have enough on your plate. Are there other siblings you could maybe have a family discussion to ask them to support with transport for your parents? Is there a neighbour or friend who is not attending that could maybe help? The other issue as you say, is should your mother be attending, given her health concerns. Would she struggle and feel upset if she had an episode, so do you want to try and avoid that stress for her? If you are worried about her even attending would there be someone who could sit with them and you could live stream the ceremony to a device, they could help set up for them? you can do it free on Facebook or zoom if you get a free account as you can have 40 mins for free, you just need to have someone start the meeting on the day at the ceremony and shoot it, they can then join the call if you send the link to an email but appreciate would maybe be too technical if they don't have someone with them to help. There are apps, but not sure if there is a cost. this for me, as sad as itis, would be the best option for your mum's health and wellbeing as I fear that it would be too much for her to attend. I am sorry there is no definite answer, I hope you are able to work out something out

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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I was also wondering if streaming would be an option. I'm sure you could find a neighbour, friend or even a charity volunteer who could help them access this.

    With all the flu, Covid and other respiratory conditions about, it might be safer for your dad to view remotely, and your mum might find it confusing or upsetting to be there in person. And if she gets distressed, that is going to be distressing for you.

    Would you be able to talk to your dad about it? You might find that he would be happy to watch the wedding remotely - you could always ask whoever is conducting the ceremony to acknowledge your parents (we got married immediately after lockdown lifted, and the minister who married us made a point of greeting our loved ones who were watching remotely and welcoming them to the wedding). You might find he isn't that fussed about being there - my mother actually asked us not to postpone if anything prevented her being there, because she said she just wanted to know we were married and being there wasn't as important for her as knowing that it had happened.

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  • Emily
    Dedicated February 2023 Hertfordshire
    Emily ·
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    If, for the wellbeing of your parents you decide not to invite them to your wedding, could you and hubby amd a few immediate family get all dressed up again and visit them a day later? Have an afternoon tea with them at home. Show pics. It's not the same, but it does sound like a suitable compromise. Also as your mother will be at home, her needs can be managed better.
    I know everyone says ots your day do what you want, but when it comes to aged parents/ relatives it becomes about them. I've seen pics online of a bride and groom visiting a mother/ gran in a home so although not there rhey are still included. X
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  • Sarah
    Rockstar August 2024 West Midlands
    Sarah ·
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    This is a heartbreaking situation. I feel, if they do not go it’s something you may go on to really regret. Is there no other close family who will assist them getting home. End of the day if your big day, I’m sure somebody, even a close friend could go without a drink for a few hours to ensure that your parents see you get married, even if, your mother won’t remember or quite understand what is happening, you should be able to have that opportunity my lovely x
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