Parents not contributing?

My parents was not in a position to help but their love and support meant more than financial help. We got engaged planning on paying for it ourselves, suspected we might get a few quid here and there off relatives, but didn't plan anything ewe couldn't afford to fully pay for ourselves.

Howeber, what we did get was completely unexpected his mum and dad paid for their side bridesmaid and pageboy outfits and over 75% of our venue costs they didn't give us it all at once, and we suspect his mum and dad wanted to see how thrifty and careful we was being before treating us to paying for stuff as that's their way of living.

my sister paid for her little girls bridesmaid dresses and shoes and my other sister paid for her kids shoes and other sister paid for my nephews suit, all completely unexpected but so appreciated. I brought my adult sisters bridesmaid dress but she was a fairly late addition and she had already paid for quite a lot. So I didn't mind at all. I paid for my mums hair and makeup, I wanted to spoil her and brought some of her outfit as a birthday gift but don't remember paying for sisters makeup she paid for that and her hair.

so I think my advise here is plan what you can afford yourselves, enjoy doing it, who knows the contributions may be just waiting to see if your being careful with money first like mine did.

Somethng my my dad did say is it was his biggest wish he could contribute but it just couldn't happen. You never know how much disposable people have, I always thought one of my sisters was quite well off, they both have good jobs nice car etc etc but turns out recently they are really not.

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What if they can't afford to?

What if the people getting married don't want contributions from their parents?

I can think of many circumstances where this would be inappropriate or unnecessary.

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I can agree with the education point (if they can afford to), but not the wedding. You want your child to have the best tools/skill set at their disposal to get on in the world; but I think once you're adult enough to marry, you're adult enough to pay for it on your own. Anything additional is a bonus imo.

Also what happens if one sibling marries and the other doesn't? Do they get a cash consolation prize?!

I was assuming that there was a closeness with parents or that the parents were involved in planning as per OP.

I can understand of all people not wanting family involved or their contributions. Each family is different, and I for one understand that completely.

If they can't afford to, again I said 'if they were in a position to' contribute then they should. And Yes, I do feel that then if another child does not get married that money should be directed towards them buying their own first property or something similar.

We're paying the majority of the wedding ourselves but my dad is generously giving us a big boost.

He always said he had money put away for my wedding so when we were budgetting I asked him straight out if he would like to contribute and how much.

I know my mum isn't in a position to contribute financially so i didn't ask and OH's parents are also not in a position to contribute so we haven't asked. If they feel they want to then we would welcome it though and of course be very grateful

I think I would feel a bit frustrated if there had been comments about paying for something and then nothing but I think thats sometimes just how people are. They don't think about the impact of their words.

In terms of helping out we have help from both sets of parents but not receiving money in a go or paying for big things, we are paying for majority of our wedding and that's the way we prefer it as it means we make the big decisions.

In terms of help though my FMIL is decorating our jam jars, FFIL is brewing us a barrel of beer, my parents have been collecting china from car boot sales and charity shops (my Dad loves doing it and has given him a welcome distraction from heart surgery), my mum is making us hearts for sweets to go in and my parents bought us the wine for the tables which was a very appreciated and surprise gift.

I personally think it's great gift if your parents can help but shouldn't be expected. I also know a few friends which have accepted money but that has meant having to do as their parents say - my friend was told that she was getting married in a church and which one by her FMIL!

We are very fortunate that my dad is paying for the majority of our wedding. We were more than prepared to pay for it ourselves so was an amazing suprise. I've paid for all deposits so far which all adds up. My dad's italian & very traditional, he's always said he's got money put aside for my wedding day. truly very lucky!

My mum and step dad gave each of us 'kids' £1000 last year to go towards 2 weddings one house deposit and my brother travelled but have all been told that's it. It was completely unexpected and although we would have been fine without it it helped us a lot! My dad gave us £50 which was great, i wasn't particularly close with him and at the time he had been ill and was really not expecting anything..The way myself and husband thought of it was that it was our decision to get married so we pay for it ourselves and we saved and saved to afford it without ever asking for money which I think is maybe the reason we got it but each to there own I can hardly say that if my mum and Co offered to pay for the whole thing without any financial implications to themsevels i would have said no! Xx

My mum offered us £2500 at first which I wasn't exspecting at all and am so greatful that she has offered to help out. Then she changed her mind and took £1000 away cause we changed the date lol. I don't mind at all cause I'm thankful for any contribution and wouldn't ask or want anything from anyone. It's helped out a lot and payed for our food. I think my grandparents are going to pay for our flowers which is very kind of them! OHs parents have given us money for his dad's suit and they mentioned we need to talk about a wedding gift and our honeymoon. We have said we don't want anything as his mum had just lent us £30,000 for our flat we brought.

I think it's hard as I did feel like that with My grandparents, I said to oh I'll be surprised if they didn't gove as anything, they raised me for a few years when my dad past away, and we are extremely close. then I felt a bit out of order im just greatfull that they are here and able to attend our special day. It's funny and sweet they always say they will pay for something then forget about it lol as we never mention it when we go to pay something off. In fact just last night my nan was round and she said, are we paying for the flowers and something else I keep forgetting, back in our day we got married in three months. Bless her!

We're paying for it all ourselves. OH has been working her little butt off for the past 6 months to save up for it all; so proud of her and how hard she is working for us. We're having the wedding we want. With no input from anyone. It makes us happy that our day is exactly what we want, if someone offered us 20k we wouldn't take it cos there's nothing else we would want! ❤️

My parents financially aren't in a position to help anyway, and her parents aren't even coming to the wedding as they're Jehovas Witnesses. I think OH is a bit bothered by it on a financial point as her parents paid for her sisters wedding two years ago, but never mind.

I'd be furious if someone was joking/implying they'd paid or were going to. Ask him outright!

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Ha! I'm definitely not taking into account my four year old sons future wedding.. no chance. I'm more focused on providing him with a good life now, good school, experiences etc and then saving for his education/car/travelling or whatever too. Love this idea we should be planning for their nuptials! Seems like a really privileged thing to say.

I have no idea if my parents were ever saving for my wedding, but given that I was 40 when I got married, I suspect if they ever did have any savings my dad gave up and spent it on one of his Jags years ago

Perhaps the dad's comments about the prices of the dresses were just a general exclamation about how much these things cost, rather than an intent to pay? Just thinking that, as we live in London, when our relatives from out of town visit us they are surprised at how much things can cost. I could completely imagine my dad or my OH's dad getting palpitations when they saw the price of a cocktail in a central London bar but that wouldn't necessarily mean they intend to buy one, just that they couldn't believe people would have the nerve to charge that much! Just wondered if that might be part of it?

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My dad likes to use the phrase "at least Dick Turpin wore a mask"

My parents and grandparents have all said that they will contribute, but we haven’t yet had an indication of how much. Mr C wants me to straight out ask them all, and I probably will do that with my parents because they’re really laid-back and wouldn’t be offended, but with my grandparents I think it’s going to be a case of waiting for them to bring it up. This makes me sound a bit ungrateful, but of course we will be extremely grateful for anything that they want to give us! As you say, it’s unavoidably awkward.

My mum must have been saving for a long time and the money she gave us as a gift wasn't expected due to her financial situation. My husband's parents on the other hand are rich but they didn't contribute at all (the wedding took place 3 years ago). They told my partner that they didn't have money and yet have been spending stupid amounts on silly things since then. I love them very much but in the same time I am mad at them for not consulting that with me. I wish I could tell them how it makes me feel but my partner is protecting them. I don't know how not to dwell on it because I simply don't understand why didn't they talk to me and why I cannot talk to them about it.