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K
Beginner December 2022 East Riding of Yorkshire

Partner doesn't want a buttonhole...

Ka, 2 March, 2022 at 18:18 Posted on Wedding Attire 0 7

I am having a very small wedding with only close family buy my partner has quite explicitly told me he doesn't want a buttonhole so now I'm not sure how to approach. He's very introverted and so we are both trying to accommodate each other hence the small do and he is already going way out of his comfort zone so that we can have our special day without it being too stressful and uncomfortable. At this stage I think it will just be a bouquet for me but is this Ok? This is probably a ridiculous question but do people actually have weddings without the buttonholes? Every photo I'm looking at on my photographers page shows the groom with a buttonhole. Obviously I would love my groom to have one but I also want him to be comfortable and I wouldn't want to pressure him. I'm worried family will find this a bit confusing or expect me to provide them. Is it ok for me to say, we will have no buttonholes?

7 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 3 March, 2022 at 12:38
  • xkimx007
    Beginner October 2022 South Yorkshire
    xkimx007 ·
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    It's his wedding day and if he doesn't want to wear a button hole that's his right, no? I don't imagine he would ask you to wear a veil or tiara if it made you feel uncomfortable. If you want buttonholes just for your family and your FH doesn't mind being left out, go for it. If he doesn't like that idea, just tell your family you are not doing buttonholes. They are such a small detail in the grand scheme of things. It's still a proper wedding without them, same as it's still a proper wedding without a veil or tiara. Try not to overthink or worry.

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  • K
    Beginner December 2022 East Riding of Yorkshire
    Ka ·
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    Oh no of course, I would never ask him to do something he isn't comfortable which is my main priority here and hopefully I did get that across from the post... I'm just not sure how to approach the rest of the guests. One of my guests mentioned wanting to wear one before I knew my SO didn't want one. I think my main concern is that if other members of the family want to wear one I don't want to offend them. My grandparents are a bit traditional so I'm trying to work out whether I should offer them as an option or just not mention them at all and if people decide to wear them to let them.

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  • xkimx007
    Beginner October 2022 South Yorkshire
    xkimx007 ·
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    Do you think guests would bring their own buttonholes? I don't think that's usually the case, might be wrong. But I think the button holes are provided by the bride and groom so you've got complete control here. My family is also quite traditional but I don't think they would be offended if we did something a bit rogue. Surprised, yes. Possibly gossip and comment amongst themselves about it. But not offended.

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  • C
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    My FH and his groomsmen are not having them, and I am fine with thatm is his day as well and he need to be comfortable, as long as you are happy then that's all that matters and nothing will look silly, and anyway is no one's concern, is your day so sof other people's opinions.
    I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves to have things that are traditional but it realy doesn't matter x
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    It really doesn't matter.

    Three of our guests turned up with buttonholes and one turned up in a formal morning suit which was actually much grander than the suit worn by the best man or groom. We just thought it was lovely that people were putting so much effort into dressing up for our special day.

    If anyone is going to make snide comments about the groom's lack of buttonhole, they've completely missed the point of what it means to be a wedding guest. They are there to support the couple on a momentous occasion, not complain over trivia.

    And yes, you can definitely have a bouquet even if your OH doesn't want a buttonhole.

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  • PhotographybyBillHaddon
    VIP January 3000 Leicestershire
    PhotographybyBillHaddon ·
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    Its perfectly fine if he doesn't want a button hole. The only people to wear one usually are the "bridal party" - Mums and Dads, groom, best man. ushers or groomsmen and then quite often the grandparents.

    I would suggest that if he is not wearing one then have it that no one is, otherwise he will attract more attention on him.

    "Random" other guest do not usually wear their own, it is sort of an un said rule that they are only for the bridal party.

    For me they actually quite useful as a guide to who I need to make sure I get candid shots of so when random guests wear them its confusing.

    Also random guests will be bringing random flowers.

    Same with morning suits when guests who own one wear their own. Problem is they do not match - but in the photos it looks like they were supposed to match the actual bridal party. Its almost like a guest in a white dress situation.

    I would say just get some for the Grandparents - they would like that.

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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    We didn't actually know about the morning suit until the guest turned up - ironically, he was the person we knew least-well as he was only invited due to being the boyfriend of a close friend! We were told about the buttonholes beforehand, but those wearing them were so excited to have found something special to celebrate our wedding, I didn't have the heart to say it wasn't usual for those outside the bridal party to wear one! We had a Covid wedding anyway, so it was always going to look a little weird.

    And our photographer was more interested in photographing attractive female guests than worrying about getting shots of the best man, parents etc - I think he'd been in lockdown for too long. We had multiple photos of the two prettiest female guests, but only one picture of my mother and none of the best man apart from where he's appearing in the corner of another shot! Smiley xd

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