Partner Not Invited

This is why it's generally a really bad idea not to invite long-term partners of guests.

If you feel uncomfortable attending the wedding without your partner, it's fine to decline. People are allowed to impose whatever restrictions they like on their guest list, but part of that imposition is accepting that a higher number of people may decline to attend. So whether you are having a child-free wedding, a destination wedding, demanding a precise dress code or not inviting spouses/long term partners, you need to expect that a lot of people will decide they don't want to come. Personally, I wouldn't attend a wedding to which my husband was not invited, and he has actually been invited to (and turned down) a wedding to which I was not invited. We don't get a lot of time off at the same time and don't want to spend what we do have away from each other.

Since your friend has not invited your partner, he will hardly be in a position to complain if you don't invite his partner either - so if you don't have the space when making out the guest list for your own wedding, I don't think you need to worry about leaving her out.

View quoted message Thank you appreciate it!

We have a no +1 rule, if we’ve never met the +1 and to an extent if that +1 isn’t part of our lives, and that’s irrespective of cohabitating/marital status. Mainly due to the fact we are having a small wedding and only want to invite people that are/want to be part of our lives. However the people that then affects are in groups of friends so they won’t be on their own anyway.


Weddings are expensive all round. It’s expensive for the couple to have +1’s that aren’t part of their lives and it’s expensive for those attending if they can’t split lifts, accommodation and have no-one to socialise with.
We’ve been together for 9yrs, and we have both separate and joint interests. We holiday both separately and together and spend days off both separately and together. So I don’t think of it as odd to be invited to events “on my own” - we enjoy having stuff to talk about with each other when we get back from an exciting day, rather than us both being everywhere together. However every couple is different and everyone chooses to spend their free time differently, so I wouldn’t be offended if someone chose not to attend, as long as they weren’t rude about it

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It's interesting that for many people, weddings are in a category by themselves. I know a lot of people who spend their time off separately from their partner, but who still wouldn't go to a wedding without them.

I wonder if it's because a wedding is all about celebrating one couple's relationship, so it seems odd to ask another person to leave their marriage partner at home while coming to celebrate your marriage? Or maybe because it is such a significant event that people feel under more pressure to attend than they would if, for example, they were just being invited for lunch?

Either way, it is fine, as you say, for people to decline as long as they do so politely. And those inviting them shouldn't feel offended.

This happened to me earlier this year and honestly I was a little upset! Planning a wedding I totally get it is expensive, but they used the excuse that we weren’t married / didn’t have children, which upset me as we have been together for 12 years!
I did go and had a lovely time, but everyone thought I was single / kept asking where my fiancé was which really upset me!
We have had a few ‘heated’ discussions about whether or not we should invite my friends husband to our wedding, but I refuse to make someone feel how I did, I’m very much ‘treat someone how you wish to be treated’ I would do what makes you most comfortable and happy, it’s your day, just like it was theirs and they chose to put you in that situation.Xxx

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Ouch! The comment about not being married is really tactless, and the comment about children is unforgivably hurtful!!! I can't have kids, and I'd be devastated if someone implied that I was somehow a less 'real' partner to my husband because I couldn't give him children.

It's one thing to leave partners out if you haven't met them (although I still think it's good to invite them if you possibly can), but to start grading the 'worthiness' of a relationship based on whether or not you have kids...I'm so sorry. You're much more forgiving than I am. If anyone had told me that our relationship was second class because of our childlessness, I'd have told them what they could do with both their wedding invite and their 'friendship'!

Hi, I personally wouldn’t go without your partner, but that’s my opinion. Your friends partner will feel it when it’s your turn if you don’t invite them, but it’s tough, but I also agree with above, treat people how you want to be treated. Me and my partner were together 7 years before we got engaged and the not being married thing hurt once when my partners family friend introduced me as a flat mate to another friend when I banged into her one day. I said wow? 5 years down and a mortgage I’m only a flat mate? she said yes you have no title. It’s amazing what people think a “real or official” couple is.

View quoted message Haha to be honest a lot of people said I was far too understanding. My other half was invited to the evening but he was working away and it was a 6-8 hour drive so he didn’t want to come all that what for a night do which I totally understood.
But I totally agree on grading a relationship, my opinions are if they person coming knows other guests well enough to feel comfortable and you don’t know their partners (no matter their status) then they can come without, but if they don’t know anyone well then you should invite them to make them comfy. I would hate a guest to be Sat feeling like a spare part!
I was even more upset because I was sat on a table with my neighbours I never speak to … hardly making me feel comfortable when I had a few others there I would have felt better being sat with 😂 (I make friends easily, luckily !!!)