passive-aggressive Facebook statuses

Mine is really P-A today but it was my only outlet for rage so I'm allowed ok ?

An old school friend is the king of cringeworthy updates, these are two corkers:

"Someone has owed me money since August, you know who you are, don't make me name and shame you!!!"

and

"No one talks about by mum, not even you, there's a line that you just don't cross"

Fucking hell, pick up a phone and speak to these people, dude ??

My sister:

X is easily forgotten about.

X needs to go on a diet, learn to say no, change her career, stop living in a dream world and not care so much...

I hate those! I thought it was just me. I comment on them saying "Who?" if I'm in a grump.

Today's highlights from here are:

So many arseholes in one company, it's quite amazing. Well goodbye you Bar stewards!!! thinks support yesterday was sadly lacking and is quite frankly livid. should choose her friends more carefully!

They are, thankfully, not all from the same person.

I quite like them, they give me a chuckle.

View quoted message

So do I, they make me laugh out loud, but I do cringe for them ?

Grr my SIl had me seething the other day. After a 'discussion' took place with some family members her status was 'X is sick of getting the run around from family, why cant they just be honest'. Thing is if she had spoke to me I would of told her the truth, but she contacted the wrong people. I was itching to reply saying that but gracefully backed out.

Actually I was guilty of this the other day when I wrote somthing about having to bite my lip when I really wanted to smack someone. In my defence, I knew the person (an in-law) wouldn't see it but there were other relatives who may have if I'd named her.

And anyway, I'm using Flump's excuse as I was in a rage.

My favourite of today is

???? finally getting rid of one big problem in her life - British Gas slappers and loser ex girlfriends he's all yours!

I love and hate these sort of statuses in equal measures. I only hate them because I always want more info. The above has been the culmination of a months worth of very angry and hastily deleted status from the girl in question. Most about the "British Gas slapper"

Today i've got:-

R - blah blah blah yawn yawn yawn - blue peter badge in the post for you

M- wishes a certain person would just grow up and f**k off out of the life of a good friend

One that made me chuckle though is:-

N - hates gym obessesed statuses - N is off to train......... ?

I really want to do one today but know it doesn't achieve anything other than make me look a tit.

View quoted message

Erm, you might want to edit out the hyperlink to her FB page ?

View quoted message

Waaaah! Oops, I must have unlinked it and then ununlinked it. Serves me right for rushing to watch Torchwood. It was my second attempt at replying anyhoo, the first ended up on an age gap thread on BT.

I am a bit of a culprit of the PA status update but it is immensly satisfying sometimes!

However today mine reads

SG has lost her sunglasses, does anyone know where they are.

So utterly useless. I have been told they maybe orbiting saturn along with all the odd socks in the world.

Am too intrigued by the British Gas slappers

I like this one -

??? is feeling unsure about everything right now and needs to try and erase events from earlier in the week

WHAT events??????!!! And why are you unsure.And why do I a) need to know and b) care

I have now changed mine to Penguin says keep the passive aggressive status updates coming...they make me chuckle...

Not p-a, but my favourites are two girls I went to school with, I don't think they're friends still or anything but they have the funniest status updates.

One has just had a baby and is THE FIRST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO HAVE A BABY type, and the other is a "I just love to show off about my wonderful boyfriend who gets me the most wonderful presents and we have just moved into the most fabulous house and I drive such a nice car and have the most fabulous job and have to travel to London and everything" person.

I shall dig out some gems!

I'm just fighting the urge to respond to someone playing out their latest life tragedy on FB and suggest that perhaps talking to her husband about it might be more sensible than posting on FB.

Don't quite understand why people feel the need to post personal stuff on there. I am linked to a couple of major culprits of this, and am often tempted to block their updates, but it's strangely fascinating and I'm too nosey.

M.

I also find it all strangely fascinating, even though it's also annoying.

I have a couple of FB friends who are the first people EVER to have a baby, but one in particular is the first one EVER IN THE WORLD to have a baby and a toddler. We have almost hourly updates on which one is awake, who's playing up, which mum and baby group she's off to, how bad the tantrums are, etc etc. Interspersed with this are random updates like last night's classic: 'X is perplexed as Y is having a birthday party at the flat but no one has turned up yet. Oh well if they don't I'll have a quiet night'. I was so tempted to reply 'maybe Y would appreciate some attention giving that you're the only person at her party...'

I also have a PA classis FB friend who also has a gazillion dramas in her life, each drama is swiftly followed by PA comments.

I think a cull is in order, actually.

My favourite of this week is as follows, incorporating my 2 least favourite things - passive aggressive AND text speak:

Wat is it wit ppl these days . . ya can't b mates wit any1 without bein told ya wit em

A friend of mine does these a fair bit and i have pulled her up on it a few times.

The latest

if you agree to do something then do it. If you're hearts not really in it or you can't be bothered then just say no in the first place, i'd much prefer it.

TBH it just makes people wonder if they've done something to upset her.

View quoted message

Oh I have a friend like that. FOr the first year after her baby was born I don't think there was a single status update that wasn't related to the baby. Now only about 2 in 3 are, the rest are about her fabulous-but-so-hard-and-stressful-and-demanding job.

I have a couple of corkers. My SIL always puts things like "despite feeling like poo, I am going to struggle into work" (every frickin' day) and "XXX wonders what if?" and "XXX needs a friendly shoulder" and "XXX is in a complicated relationship (with my brother.)" Now they are having marital problems, but she really plays the victim and, TBH it makes me see red. She paints him as a complete arsehole without actually saying as much and doesn't have the brains to realise this might be offensive to his friends and family that she has added as friends. Interspersed between joining groups like "if I could turn back time", "ban all paedophiles", "get Maxine Carr off Facebook" and "the Winnie The Pooh appreciation society"

<and breathe>

I also have two odd ex boyfriends. One posted his entire financial information - income and outgoings, and ended with "good friends on Facebook - priceless" - then hastily retreated, oddball. Another is in a new relationship with what I assume is a much younger girl, and they keep posting things like "XX is in need of a massage from his fuzzy wuzzy" and all her friends leap on and go ahhh!" Like we need to know that he needs a wank. ?

If you cull people on FB, does it send them a message telling them you have done so?

View quoted message

Nope - their friend count just gets shorter. I had a mass cull after I got sick of text speak status updates making my eyes bleed! A couple tried to 're-friend' me. The ignore button was my friend.....

Ooh I just remembered another girl I'm Facebook friends with. She's a friend of a friend and I see her from time to time but she's a bit too angsty/emo/hard-work for my liking tbh. She has declared herself a sex-obsessed, independent feminist who doesn't need men and only uses them, she writes lengthy notes about her opinions and insight into how things should be. (I think she has issues, if you're happy and comfortable with yourself and choices surely you don't need to shout about them and indeed use people)

XXXX is far cooler than all you fuckers

XXXX is so bored that she's considering going into the garden and masturbating up against some stingy nettles, just to see what happens....

XXXX forgot to masturbate with stingy nettles. She used a remote control instead....

XXXX is bra-less and flopping all over the place.

XXXX could do with some sausage action.

XXXX has a gash like a bucket, and enjoys frazzles and wine

This is one of her 124 notes

Notice how in Bridget Jones's Diary she tries to make out that being single is cool and that the film is pushing across the message that being single is okay? Well, why the *** does she end up in a relationship in the end?
Yes, I realise that its a chick flick and happy endings are as standard, but for once couldn't the single girl not get the guy? Couldn't she remain heartbroken again and again, flitting from one meaningless relationship to another, gracing men's beds for a night and being discarded like a used condom wrapped in tissue paper in a bin? Because that is real life. Single girls, actually let me correct that, girls who choose to be single don't always want to get the man. They don't want to live happily ever after in a nice house in Surrey with 2.4 children, a mortgage and a dog called Rex! Some single women choose to be single to focus on career, or simply because they don't want to conform to the idea of the nuclear family and the fairytale ending. And so what? Just because a woman chooses to stay single, focus on her career, doesn't want to settle for one man and would rather die alone, is that truly weird?
In my opinion, it isn't. In fact, if I had the choice between being a successful career woman who dies alone and lives with cats, or being faithful to one man for the rest of my life,with a troop of nagging kids and family responsibilities, I'd go for the former. Actually, I think i will.

Just after this she got engaged, again.?

Mwnci thank you for posting that one ??

I've just remembered a girl I met on holiday who's my friend on FB now. H and I are 34 and 32 respectively, and we met some other couples who were a bit younger than us, mid-20s, and we'd meet up for a few drinks each night in this dodgy all inclusive hotel we were staying in. One girl was a fair bit younger than them, 19 and there with her fiance. She was very quiet and didn't drink, whereas the rest of us stayed up late boozing. Her and her fiance went off to bed before 11pm every night while the rest of us lot drank into the early hours. This is her 'about me' bit:

I got a BOYFRIEND, He likes to fight alot, we break rules both got TATTOOS, we smash things and SCREAM. I don't want to FIGHT tonight, But i ain't going home for noone. You BEST keep quiet if you want your TEETH. You know that i'm a RULE BREAKER!

Noooooooooooooo way, as my post was loading I checked my FB tab and she's updated her status just this minute to:

" Hate it when TRAMPS add my fiancee on here. Grrrr "

? Do you think she's a hitcher?!

View quoted message

? Brilliant! Especially her 'About Me' bit. It sounds like you really missed out some fun times on holiday because they went to bed early. I'm wondering if the TRAMPS are related somehow to the British Gas slags? I can't help but read a cryptic (albeit nonsense) message in her description based on the capitalisation. It's like the DaVinci code!

I find it completely fascinating, I know I have 2 or 3 people as 'friends' that I keep only because they entertain me (as above). It scares me sometimes that irl we'd be completely obvlivious to how bonkers these people are.

I am very inactive on FB but do have a couple of friends. The lastest update from my bro is much more aggressive than passive:

"finally the ashes have arrived, time to give those aussie cunts a right beating"

There were other equally charming ones.

They used to really rile me now I just raise an eyebrow, have a few friends who are the first people in the world to have a baby EVER and now one of them is onto their second and it's just as explicit

I do sometimes wonder if it's me a person is getting at but have never had the nerve to ask

Me and another girl from school (who are still friends, not just FB friends) email each other the I'M THE FIRST AND OOOONLY PERSON TO EVER HAVE A BABY girl's updates with comments.

She was awful when she was planning the wedding, then 3 months after it she announced she was pregnant (utterly mean and no offence meant to anyone but I find some people who get pregnant on their honeymoon the tweest twats) then moaned about being fat for the next 6 months now we get vomit-inducing baby updates.

Do you want to see some?

View quoted message

YES!

Only baby woman:

X cannot put into words the love she feels for her husband, and the other man in her life, their Son 'X' who was finally born last night weighing X at 11.26pm by very emergency c section. Is it possible to burst cause you have too much love inside?!!. If so pass the morphine... x

X joined the group BEING A MUMMY IS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!!!

X thinks everyone should buy [our local paper] today and see the lovely announcement her family put in the 'Hatched' column for X!.. And wants to thank her Sister for the lovely present she just bought her. x

X has packed her husband's bag and told him not to come home tonight... With the weather like it is, i'd rather he stay in a hotel closer to work. (during the snow)

My life is fabulous woman:

Y is loving her wonderful man - housework done and dinner being served as I walk through the door, what more could I ask for .... mmm... maybe a diamond!!

Y is chuffed that the garage hoovered and cleaned my car today, aparently "all part of the service" and I didn't have to pay ... loving having a company car!

Wow, gee, I soooo wish I was important enough to have a free Ford Focus!!! ? That'll do for now!