passive-aggressive Facebook statuses

"My life is fabulous" has so many status updates I am tempted to just copy and paste her whole page. I sooo want to show you photos but I'm not enough of a *** ?

It was a bit funnier when she was a living her fabulous single life in "the bachelorette pad" with her mates, but she binned them off quick enough when she met this taxi driver.

Waaahhhhh they're hideous! I suddenly feel grateful for my brother's aggressive-only sports musings!

I have one FB friend (who is actually a distant cousin currently at bible college or something in america - all her status updates are so damn happy they make me puke - me and my sister laugh about them all the time. a few classics....

today was freakin' outstanding!!! Im actually speachless and don't know what to say! x lost for words...ha! Faith Hope Love is having and amazing weekend! This sunday is back to how it always used to be when growing up. I LOVE it! Church this morning, lunch with friends and hangin out, evening church and then dinner with friends! Oh my word! I love life, it's never felt so good before! is having the best day...was able to sleep in til 9, went to chapel, had Lee Burns lecture on relationships and then had Joel Houston talk. Now going to watch a dvd with her housemates and then go to power house for a fab night! Its all about RELATIONSHIPS dude

sometimes i just really want to slap her!

My cousins wife is the queen of passive aggressive updates, in fact, my family were blocked by her after we may have taken the piss a little.

She also posted semi porn photos of herself in which she looked like an ugly corpse, i may have shared them on here,. anyone remember? porno dorothy from wizard of oz anyone? ?

well, she has added me as a friend again, i will of course share any little gems

I want to see porno dorothy ?

'Fabulous life' has had another fabulous day in her fabulous life:

X had a fantastic lunch at the b bar opposite buckingham palace today ... somedays the job really isn't that bad but every job has a downside and I have 2 this week, back to back meetings tomorrow

I think I might need to get out more. I am a bit obsessed with FB ? I just love the show offs! We're moving to a lovely house next week and I would love to have the guts to go "THIS IS MY HOUSE" and put a picture of it up but it's not me ?

I'm with Doughnut! [chant] Porny Dorothy Porno Dorothy [/chant]

I can imagine Goldfish's cousin's statuses said in a saccarine and affected stage school style voice.

I'm desperate to show a pic another of my 'friends' had as their profile pic for a while. It took me a while to realise she wasn't being amusing or ironic and she really did go out that way. Every weekend we're subjected to pics of her stood outside her garden gate in her most recent dress purchase on her way out, hair extensions, clown makeup and talons a-go-go.

OK Mwnci, we need pics now ?

I apologise in advance if I offend anyone and this is normal going-out makeup and I'm horribly out of touch.

Deleted just in case

Apparently she's allergic to wine and vodka because she always feels "super baaad" (pronounced bard) after a night out. I think she actually believes it too.

Oh yeah Doughnut I'm so jealous of your perfect friend and her perfect life! Mine will never be that good?

I have a few corkers...

One of my fb friends is a teacher and her students are her friends on facebook. She has posted pics of school trips out and stuff which I find very odd.

I have one friend that is in the depths of depression which she updates us about regularly and how she dosnt see the point of living any more...

Another that seems to update her status about every 5 mins of the day and night.

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I had a job where you got a company car and had to travel a lot. It was sh/t ? The hours were long and I spent about 15 hours a week sat in traffic in my nice car.

About 4 or 5 years ago I saw her in the queue for a sh/tty local dive the coolest place to be seen and I'd not bumped into her for a few years. She said hi then went on about her fabulous job, her Mercedes and some other sh/t then the queue had moved and we got in. H, who is a quiet, shy, private person and wouldn't ever think to give anything away or show off about anything went "Who the *** was that?"

I am sooo tempted to post pics ?

OMG Mwnci! I thought I wore a lot of makeup ?

Here you are - all from H's cousin

is addicted to wotsits, has itchy skin (result of too much bloody junk food), is still stressed but has given up talking because clearly everything that comes out of my mouth is just not worth listening to... as NOONE ever does! says to everyone that wakes up & is proud of their man/woman, their kids & their family, who enjoy being with their partner & family, who know how to comfort their partner, how to make them laugh and who knows everyday that they are truely loved, needed & wanted.. I hope you realise how lucky you are & treasure every moment you spend together, because the otherside of the coin is hard...

(the above was followed by how wonderful her kids & husband were)

honestly... come on THINK ABOUT IT! If you engage your brain you might figure out why we are where we are! wonders if she is an entity that will be missed by few or forgotten by many... seriously needs to start drinking again me thinks!!

I'm very disappointed that pretty much all my facebook friends seem to be self-aware and amusing when posting status updates. The only one I can think of is someone who seems to be a dementor - everything she posts seems designed to take the joy out of everyone else's lives. Even good status updates seem to be written in a kind of Eeyore voice.

I don't have any amusing statuses to share, but one of my FB friends (a girl I used to go to school with) has got 2 albums full of photos of her Eeyore mug collection. Fascinating stuff....

Not passive aggressive, just baffling - My SIL has just taken a test on what % her daughter looks like her or my brother. Not odd you'd imagine, except my Brother isn't my niece's biological father.

That's me. BIIIITTTTCCCCCHHH! The eeyore mug collection that is.

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From someone I knew as a child:

Thinks some people are so pathetic and really need to grow up and sort themselves out b4 they start judgeing other people omg can not beleive it lol! would really like to know what she has supposed to have said wrong if ur all gonna talk about me have the bloody balls to say it all to my face!

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Irony meter off the scale ?

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